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my curse
iggy Posted: Fri Jul 16 01:29:24 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i had a relapse yesterday.
in a public area. had to suppress the pain... walk away from my friends and bearly made it to the toilet.

then my body failed me. the first time my friends saw what i was going through.

they were helpless. what can they do? how to ease my suffering?
they couldn't do much but try to get me home.

then i lost track of time, where i was...

i wished that someone was there in the room everytime my relapse happens. at least the pain would be more bearable. a touch. a hug. comforting breathing and a familiar scent.
that would ease my pain better than my medicine cocktail.

i'm trying so hard.

everynight i wait... wait for my next relapse.

when will it come next?

innocenceNonus Posted: Fri Jul 16 01:45:47 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  If you want something comforting, I would suggest the following:

Find something you hold dear. Something small. If it's a memory, write it down on a piece of paper. Anyway, whatever it is, the next time you have a relapse, and no one is there for you, take hold of that item.

I know it sounds stupid and mushy, but I think that a person's memories/ beliefs are the things most important/ unique to them. Granted, you holding on to that slip of paper- the paper won't be able to hug you or comfort you. But the association might help.

I wish we knew each other in real life so I could hug you.

By the way- I respect that. You try hard, and you have to deal with relapses. Pretty tough stuff. It's really admirable. I know it's not a good thing, but to have the ability to endure that and to keep trying- that's a good thing. And that deserves respect and admiration.

antartica Posted: Fri Jul 16 02:29:27 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sorry i'm can't be there now dude...........

Jasdev Posted: Fri Jul 16 04:47:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  once upon a time, someone i knew had a relapse of sorts outside the computer lab.

she later told me that shes kept it a secret for a longgg time and ive to admit it was weird for me at first, as a friend.

But i understand now. what are friends for eh. camaraderie helps.

listening to smashing pumpkins might help too (i plug SP alot)

mat_j Posted: Fri Jul 16 11:31:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  You know if i could be there i would ol' pal, damn oceans, mass transit and international boundaries!

keep on keeping on,


Mouse Posted: Fri Jul 16 11:38:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I know I share the sentiments of many here in wishing that I could be there to help you with anything in any way I could.
Be strong, take care. *Hugs*

erikagm Posted: Fri Jul 16 12:45:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  

I dunno what to say, except that I feel your pain and wish there was some way we could all help you to ease it. I hope and pray you will find the peace inside yourself to cope with your situation... There's this phrase I heard, which up until recently I thought was bull, but here goes...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference...

Dentrick Posted: Fri Jul 16 14:18:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Good luck with it.

Asswipe Posted: Fri Jul 16 14:38:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm really unsure how your illness is affecting your life and how serious it is/can become. All i can really say is that i wish you the best, as w/ everyone(cept maybe hif! he sucks)

FN Posted: Fri Jul 16 14:43:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Same here man

choke Posted: Fri Jul 16 23:08:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Think of the love on tap for you at GT :)

Kira Posted: Sat Jul 17 00:45:34 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Virtual hugs galore, Chanz.

I know it's not enough...

cajnpalt Posted: Mon Jul 19 11:54:37 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Big Hug, Chanz. With you in thoughts and prayers.


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