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iggy Posted: Tue Jul 27 18:11:50 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Been sometime since anyone did the online journal thing.

let's get started.


Mesh Posted: Tue Jul 27 18:33:02 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  how do I do it?

laurie Posted: Tue Jul 27 18:49:00 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I have a livejournal.. but I doubt you want to hear my very shallow ramblings of my day to day shit, its mostly me moaning..

FN Posted: Tue Jul 27 18:58:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Tuesday 27th of july 2004

(it's 1 in the morning of the 28th but not much has happened up to this point today lol so I'll just talk about yesterday)

My day has been pretty quiet.

Looked up some stuff I wanted to get some more info about, amongst those the times and dates of when I can apply for my new school next year, will probably get that sorted out tomorrow, or at least sometime this week.

Recovered a little from 3 consecutive rough nights of clubbing/going out, and am preparing for another weekend of them, had one of my better non-sex-related nights on saturday. Holidays, so I figure I should enjoy it to the fullest.

Had a girl that used to go to my school hit on me, she crossed my path again last night and asked for my number/e-mail adress, my friends tell me I should do her, and she's pretty good-looking too but she's too naive for me, to say the least. I want intelligence in a gf. I could perhaps use her as a fuckbuddy though, but still, I don't know if I want to be associated with her. She's a typical cliché "dumb blonde with nice looks", and stuff like that turns me off completely.

Spent some time with my brother as always, just talking and playing some games on our computers. I hope I die before he does. Really like him. One of the *very* few people I'd give my life for.

Watched some documentaries about reconstructive surgery, medieval surgery, bloodletting, one about how the media abuses that kid "ali" from iraq, and last but not least one about primal male/female differences.

Talked to one of my better friends about life/relationships, just some guy-talk which I tend to enjoy, not with everybody though, but I have some friends who can talk without always having to revert to turning into mr macho when in comes to conversations about life/sex/relationships.

Made some plans for tomorrow, some friends comming over. Also going to eat at my grandmother's place. I know she loves me, she's always so happy when I give her a hug, it just breaks my heart.

It'll probably still be a few hours before I go to sleep. Still have to do my workout-routine and after that I'm guessing I'll watch some band of brothers episodes or catch a rerun of the news, or some national geographic, or watch the health channel, depending on what's on at the moment.

More to come when I feel like it.

DanSRose Posted: Tue Jul 27 19:34:37 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I have an LJ. I love it. It keeps me in contact with my roots, a lá my oldest and greatest friend.

mat_j Posted: Tue Jul 27 22:08:13 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Monday 26th July 2004.

Monday morning was just another umemployed blur of inaction television and panic. Left, right and centre well meaning

relatives are driving me insane telling me about work and what it entails as if i was considering as one of my options for

the rest of my life not doing any work.

By mid afternoon i knew what i had to do in the evening, i messaged Tim and Paddy but i couldn't get hold of them, shame

cause Paddy's living in town now and i would have loved to checked his place out. I could have phoned John or Paulie but i

knew they'd be out of action after the weekend.

Around 6 o'clockish i packed a rucksack with a blanket pillow and sleeping bag. Got a couple of books and my CD player and

set off to town. My original plan was to stop off in Treforest and leave my bag there but the damn train was late. I shared a

tale or two with a kid on the station about what bastards letting agents and landlords were and the beneficial aspects of

certain drugs, smoked a cigarette and drank some coke.

The train pulled in me and the young guy stepped on, he sat on the opposite side of the train and read a paper he'd found on

the seat. We exchanged a few plesantries throughout the journey, which took us to the back of the valley before taking us

towards Cardiff.

He got off at Porth, the gateway town to the Rhondda valley, he nodded and smiled at me and told me to take care. I

appreciated it, he was an okay guy and i wish him the best of luck.

The train rattled on taking me closer to the capital, the river grew wider, i passed through treforest the town i lived in

whilst i was in uni and it made me feel sad. Ten minutes later we swiftly passed castell Coch (the red castle) perched among

the trees on the hill, then passed the weir along the taff trail that vanished intermittantly between the trees.

I got to cardiff finally at about 8PM, i got off with the rucksack still in tow, avoided going to spar for another soft drink

and headed to Callaghans bar for open mic night. When i got there, the drummer and compare was doing a sound test and the

place was still empty. I perched on a bar stool and bought a pint of Guinness, i don't usually touch the stuff, it bloats me

like a balloon but they had it on offer £1.50 a pint so i couldn't refuse.

I drank half of it, chatted to the barman who was practiing cocktails and bottle throwing with empty bottles of bacardi. When

he left to serve a large order i relocated to a window booth and wrote a new poem for the Mirandatown chronicle thing i am

writing, this one dealing with Fin Blake the drunk. This action carried me through until nine when the first musicians turned


The first guy on stage was good but recieved a poor response the crowd not being suitably galvanised yet. I bought another

Guinness. The second guy up was amazing though. When i first saw him i thought he was a girl, thin and pale with dark

dreadlocks tied and beaded to his head in a mad style in a Mexican/North african stlye hoodie, sat at the stool with a Gibson

and started playing the most amazing guitar i ever heard. Later he switched to another guitar and started playing the most

amazing Spanish guitar i ever heard outside Spain. Antoher Guinness was purchased.

The final act of the night were funny but musically not a patch on the previous guy. I just got through their set with a pair

of whiskeys and the last two cigarettes left in the box. I applauded but the buzz was still centred around the previous guy.

I checked my watch 11.05 PM. Damn. I picked up my bag and pushed my way through the crowd that had grown considerably since

nine. I got outside said goodnight to the two bouncers and headed back to the station to catch the last train, the 11.20 to

Pontypridd, cursing my situation as there'd been a few nice girls out tonight.

I arrived at Trefforest at midnight, ideally i would have liked to ahve gone back to the Rhondda to my mother's house but the

last train only went this far. I wandered for a while, down to Meadow Street, my old residence, I walked the familiar walk

looking in the houses, now all empty since the last semester ended. I turned at the bottom of the street, started walking

back and decided to pick up soemthing to eat. I checked my pocket, i had only 4 pounds left which meant some form of burger

was in order, so happily in the warm Treforest night i headed towards the main street, then down to the string of takeaways

that had been affectionatly labelled china town.

On my way i run into Brendan, I was delighted to see him, and surprised he hadn't gone back to Ireland. We had a quick chat

then wishing each other luck turned and went our seperate ways. It struck me suddenly that though we'd both subconsciously

realised it, we didn't mention it would almost certainly be the last time we'd ever speak, i didn't know him well enough to

even ask for his number or E-mail address.

I reached Chinatown, a little stretch of chinese and recently a pair of Turkish takeaways on the long depressing road called

broadway. I entered the last shop open, one of the Turkish joints, scanned the menu and settled on the cheap option of a burger and coke for £2.50.

After finishing those i tossed them into the bin outside the betting shop then carried on towards university campus, as i

walked through town i let the memories of my time in uni wash over me. The pub i'd had my graduation party, JJs restaurant

and where i'd whiled away many an hour eating prawn skewers and drinking Warsteiner, the chippie next door (owned by the

same people) who sold the usual fish, chips and the more exotic shark, squid, kangaroo, crocodile and snails to cater to the

crazy student population. The Oltey pub where i first got drunk with my flatmates from halls of residence on a potent cocktail of vodka lemonades and real ale. The wall at the train station where i'd met so many visitors. The wall near the bridge where i'd kissed Louise the year before last, which had made me very happy at the time. The benches outside the phoneboxes Pips friend put his hand through by accident and nearly got arrested.... happy and mad days.

The 24 hour computer labs still hadn't closed for the summer so i spent some time there on the net but soon tired, i checked

my watch 1.30AM time to lay down my head. I left the room and wandered to Oliver terrace, the street next to campus, my ex

girlfriend Cath lived there, she'd moved out now and the place was empty, i still had the key on my keyring, so i decided to

squat there for the night.

I entered the dark house, set up my sleeping bag, blanket and pillow in her old room, drank some water straight from the tap,

set my alarm for 8 incase someone decided to move in that morning, then put REM on my cD player and drifted off into a calm

and nostaglic sleep.

libra Posted: Tue Jul 27 22:25:14 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
7:18 PM

I just told two of my friends that I didn't want to go to see Anchorman with them because I didn't want to spend the money at the theater for something I didn't really want to see. Things are getting worse and worse between me and my friends, ever since I started dating Jonathan. I looked out the window at work today and saw Erin and Caroline walking into the bank across the street and I realized how much I miss hanging out with them. It confuses me, they haven't said anything, but I keep on getting this feeling that they don't want me around anymore.

My boyfriend's dad is in town, so he's busy 'bonding.' Which means that I have no one to hang out with tonight, and, more importantly, no Jonathan to talk to about how frustrated I am with the situation with my friends...sigh.

iggy Posted: Tue Jul 27 23:37:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
The Simpleman Journals.

Have been working 18 days non-stop.
day in day out. from before the break of dawn till dusk sets in...

it's a good way to forget a lot of things in my life, but at the end of the day i feel empty.

i miss my old life a lot. i think about it. i dream about it. i try to recapture it by going to the places we used to frequent but it's just an empty space opposite me where there was her and all the things that i loved about her.

and now it's an empty seat.

it's over. we had fun. and we should move on.
i'm trying. but the silence and emptiness ... is unbearable.

i seek solace in my work.
just to listen to how her day was
just to tell her how my day was

i talk to myself a lot these days, trying to remember and imagine how and what she will reply.

there are a lot of things that i heard in the past few days... but i still would love to be around her.

she in so many ways... made my life so much easier to deal with.

i walked around chinatown this morning at 6 am before i stepped into the office and tried to relive my first date with her.

there were no crowds. there were no loud music. there were no life... and there was no her.

i walked towards my office and stared at the daisies painted of it.

why did things turn out this way?

Kira Posted: Wed Jul 28 01:03:01 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  

Started re-reading a book I know I enjoy. Writer's block must stop. Unread books that continue to go unread not helping.

Told my dog I would give her a bath and didn't. Good thing she's a dog. Cat still more loyal.

choke Posted: Wed Jul 28 04:40:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  

Restless night. Woke quite a few times. Relentless dreams. Woke in fear, with a feeling the world was slipping from under me.

Sister jumped on floor to get me up. (Live in garage) Hot water has got to be one of the best things ever. I'd rather have hot water than food. And that's saying alot.

Gavin texted saying we should do something tonight. Gavin being someone who knows my name and is recorded on my phone, but i have no recollection of. Ah well. Life goes on. I will meet him to satisfy my curiosity, then maybe see him at the afterball. Hrmm.

Afterball (Night long rage with buses etc involving most of Taupo) this weekend. Got my alcohol, got my pot, got my NOS, got my viewfinder :D

School. Hurgh. Was ok. A different reality I guess, i'm not me there.

Work, amazingly boring.

Went and saw Aaron after work. His dad sang, I laughed.

Visited the grandmother also. Except she has a bazillion grandchildren, im one of many, a visit is no biggie. :P I think she means more to me than i to her, she having so many replacement grandkids, her being my only remaining link to oldness :P Played lego on her floor with my brother. I will never grow.


Mesh Posted: Wed Jul 28 05:24:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Dreamed the last three nights in a row that my girl says she hates me and never wants to see me again. Those dreams can go to hell, they can go to hell and die.

Working at night is fun.

I locked my keys in my car and lost it (my head not my car). Had to pay for a guy to come out and pick the lock for me. If locking my keys in my car was a frequent problem I would learn the art of lockpicking from a car theif so I didnt have to pay someone else to do it. Thankfully I rarely do it.

Lifted weights this morning. It was fun, like always. Worked on my arms today.

Went out to eat with Melissa. Told her about my dreams, and she assured me they are just silly dreams and there is nothing to worry about, but I just dont know. Oh well whatever the fuck happens, happens.

Started reading a book I got a while ago, called Life of Pi. Pretty good so far.

addi Posted: Wed Jul 28 08:59:31 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  the ramblings of an old plonker attempting to be honest and avoid the melodramatic...

chanz's thoughts remind me why change is sometimes healthy, and why it's such a gut wrenching bitch sometimes, and sometimes why it's both.

I've purposely stepped back from here. For many reasons that would bore most, and insult the rest : )

When I check in now I read the thoughts from a few good people and friends and I'm reminded of why I came here, and the relatively short history we now share having had this place, at this time in our lives, in common.

I also see people that made this place very special to me no longer posting, and people that I wish weren't posting doing so regularly (petty, I know)

Mick was right, You can't always get what you want

The long and short of it is that things don't feel the same. don't know if it's a sign of something long term, or just a temporary blip on the radar screen for me.
It may be that nothing is significantly different and that I'm the one that's changed. Maybe my expectations slowly got out of whack over the past 16 months, and they're just getting a long overdue re-alignment. Or perhaps the large gap in age between me and most of you young punks can no longer be ignored.

For the time being you'll still see Ludwig showing his sexy bod here now and then, along with occational drive by lime fruitings from Addi

Peace to all!

FN Posted: Wed Jul 28 09:24:27 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Yeah I was just thinking that you were being a bit absent, like hif.

I think I have defeated him once too often.

antartica Posted: Wed Jul 28 09:27:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  hey addi....
we've all missed you and Ludwig.....

Asswipe Posted: Wed Jul 28 14:45:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  antartica said:
>hey addi....
>we've all missed you and Ludwig.....

speak for yourself, addi's a bum.

libra Posted: Wed Jul 28 15:22:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi, if you stop coming to GT, i'm going to barrage you with emails, and be'd better stick around. GT isn't what I want it to be without you.

Kira Posted: Wed Jul 28 16:28:14 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  07/28/04, 3:54 pm

Jason startled me by putting up a new section for the forum journals. All right, I'm easily startled.

Fell asleep at two, despite oversleeping the night before. At least I was only down an hour.

I feel annoyed again today, that no one is here with me, to watch life's details, touch my shoulder and show me what I miss. It's as if I've been cheated. But I'm happy all the same, nothing seems to be able to kill that, and it makes me feel strange.

I wish I could work on my children's book. I just don't remember where it came from. Need to rent a four-year-old.

Disappointed I missed the gtword 'story.'

God how I love that word.

jennemmer Posted: Wed Jul 28 17:23:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Wednesday, July 28, 2004:

My mind is in a sorry state today. I don't know what I'm thinking going home this weekend, it seemed like such a smart idea at the time... Spending 32 hours driving for 50 at home and what of those hours? I get to go to a wedding where the only person there I really care to see is the bride and she's really not going to have much time for me. Really, when I planned it back in May, it was mostly a good excuse to drive home that many hours so I could see Myk. And now I don't know where things stand there either.

I left a relationship I thought was great and solid. I haven't known anything else in so long, I forgot how much fun it was to live just for me. to not be taking someone else's schedule into account when planning things, realising that I'm allowed to have fun on my own. Shouldn't I be able to live for me and be in a relationship at the same time? I don't know. I don't know how.

We're on a break but not broken up. How does that work? Well, when I know I'll tell you. Driving 16 hours home to have a discussion about the terms and conditions, to see if I've actually just managed to forget in 2 monthes what I had, or whether, being out of it for a while I found the truth. I keep telling myself that no decision needs to be made this weekend. We're going to hang out, we're going to talk, we're going to just go with the flow and see what happens... but my heart is telling me differently.

He's my bestfriend, I enjoy his company, I am terribly attracted to him but is that enough to try this whole forever thing? At what point do you have to look to the future? If it's not going anywhere shouldn't I be trying to find something that _is_ going to go somewhere? But why? And what if this is it? If I choose to go it's not like I can just wander back.

*sigh* Two more days of this before I actually arrive. Back to work to try and keep myself sane...

iggy Posted: Wed Jul 28 20:51:25 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  u get ur ass back in here addi.

this is not a request.

this is a threat.


mat_j Posted: Wed Jul 28 21:09:33 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>the ramblings of an old plonker attempting to be honest and avoid the melodramatic...

Hey Addi, i've missed you, i've wanted to talk to you on MSN for ages, i thought you'd just kind of gone off us.

However i respect and understand your need to maintain distance for what ever reason but for now all i have to say it


addi Posted: Wed Jul 28 22:59:40 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  You Kids
*big smile*

Thank you for the nice thoughts.

journal entry 7/29/04:

send chanz flowers tomorrow. do NOT want him on my bad side. Ant was right about him all the time.

remember to tell ant how cute that pic was he had up of himself in a hat. If I was gay I'd definately hit on him.

explained to wife tonight that this hot Libra chick is waiting for me so if she doesn't start putting out soon I have another willing backup ready. Didn't seem to phase her as she kneed me in the groin.

tell mat_j to spend a sunny afternoon sitting on the grass at tintern abby. It will inspire him to write...and buy bug spray.

send postal letters to asswipe with unidentified white powder inside and no return address

tell jenny to never to give up on love, and stop smashing atoms, it's not ladylike

break it gently to Chris that he's not a native Belgian, but was adopted from an unwed teen mother from a Kentucky hog farm

remember to mail hif nude pics of the Bush twins Ludwig took (take out the one of Sweet P)

washed my penguin sheets in honor of mesh today

stubbed my toe on a door step and screamed obscenities at Koff

shutup, good-night

Mark Posted: Thu Jul 29 05:32:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Need to wake up early for work. Again a boring day, I need to find myself something else. In the evening I'm going to a friend for a bbq. We are only with four. My friend, his gf, me and most inmportantly the girl I like. There was a time not too long ago, I thought / hoped something could happened between us. But the last couple of days, this hope became less and less. After eating we sat around a fire with some marshmellows. It was quite nice to be there. After that we have been looking at the stars for a while, but although it was fun nothing happened between me and the girl. Now I need to get her out of my head.

FN Posted: Thu Jul 29 07:42:46 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  29th of july 13:30 (1:30 in the afternoon for the slower folk)

Woke up around 11:45

Just came back from having dinner at my grandmother's place.

Started writing an essay about my political believes last night.
Haven't written much yet though, just the prologue/disclaimer and the first 2 subchapters (my ethics in general and abortion/euthanasia) of the first chapter called "Ethiek" (Ethics). I'm about to start writing my views on cloning, which will be the last part of the ethics chapter for now; next chapter is economy.

It's kind of interesting to write all that stuff down.

I'll translate it and post it here perhaps when it's done.

I'm planning on finishing it within the next week or so. Made an appointment with the local mayor and I'm planning on delivering it to him first so we have some stuff to talk about and discuss.

Other than that I'm probably going to visit some friends today, have some comming over tonight as well, the usual.

Will keep you guys and girls up to date.

FN Posted: Thu Jul 29 07:43:55 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addison said:
>break it gently to Chris that he's not a native Belgian, but was adopted from an unwed teen mother from a Kentucky hog farm

Shut up oldtimer, or no more mashed foods for you.

Nikki Posted: Thu Jul 29 12:07:27 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i'm hungry for some Christophe...mmm mmm mmm

FN Posted: Thu Jul 29 12:14:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  

Seriously, what did I do to "deserve" your admiration or whatever you want to call it? :o)

Nikki Posted: Thu Jul 29 12:25:37 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  truthfully? I've seen your picture, of course, and I find you very very very VERY handsome. Also, I find that you tell no bullshit! So, I'm attracted to you, that's it!

Asswipe Posted: Thu Jul 29 13:08:02 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Nikki said:
>truthfully? I've seen your picture, of course, and I find you very very very VERY handsome. Also, I find that you tell no bullshit! So, I'm attracted to you, that's it!

nikki's a retard, yay!

Nikki Posted: Thu Jul 29 13:25:21 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  oh, and i FULLY expect some of the immature boys will be jealous ;-)

ifihadahif Posted: Thu Jul 29 14:35:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Nikki said:
>oh, and i FULLY expect some of the immature boys will be jealous ;-)
Why would anyone be jealous of Nikki's affections ?
I'd rather crawl naked through broken glass . . .then swallow someone else's bile . . .

Asswipe Posted: Thu Jul 29 14:36:26 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Nikki said:
>oh, and i FULLY expect some of the immature boys will be jealous ;-)

jealous of the affection of a retarded foreign chick who prolly has a moustache and certainly isn't legal? You're absolutely right!

P.S. Nikki's a retard, yay!

Mesh Posted: Fri Jul 30 00:23:21 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Nikki said:
>oh, and i FULLY expect some of the immature boys will be jealous ;-)

I hope thats a joke. Because it would really be too bad if you thought so highly of yourself.

choke Posted: Fri Jul 30 03:00:12 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  

Have decided to back off from a friend whom i recently confessed stronger feelings for. He was flattered, but i think we both understand that we both use each other for different things and that an emotional tie would just mess things up. *sigh* :(

Afterball has been cancelled, which is probably a good thing, because all the parties held in defiance will be alot better because the police wont know where they are :D Already have a rage lined up in place of afterball, so all good :)

Snuck out with mum for hamburgers because shes not a real vegetarian and dad wasnt home :D

Am having a lazy night tonight, will probably go for a wander later and find some hobo to buy my booze for tomorrow night... Other than that im not bothering myself too much.

Mum has employed me to MAKE my sister pass her license, which means going along to meetings and stuff *sigh* but its for a good cause i guess.

Got kicked out of class today for laughing when getting the 'you disapoint me, i talk and you dont listen' etc speech. I kept thinking of a picture a friend had drawn of this teacher on drugs, then the teacher mentioned her being here, but noone else was. I know she was talking figuratively, but i couldn't stop giggling because she sounded like she was tripping. *sigh* Noone understands me :P It was only french, so im not overly worried.

Hrmm. Been feeling unsettled and sad all week. [The sickness is rising]

Been having quite a few bad dreams, emotionally draining more than anything. I feel so helpless. Am desperately sad/alone upon waking. Feeling retreats after a few minutes, but i would rather it was never there.

Thats all for now

FN Posted: Fri Jul 30 07:01:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  You know my opinion on the subject.

Don't waste more time and energy than you need to.

And you know how I feel about the drinking as well.

breeze Posted: Fri Jul 30 16:56:48 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Firday 07/31/04

56 min.. Gosh, another Friday night is coming and what do we have here? A night with Indian friends who want to watch Harold and Kumar or getting drunk at the bar with an old friend who finally quit his job where he used to work night shifts on all weekends... Hmmm.. Another option stay home, watch a chick flick movie and then engage in some philosophical or political crap with random people on the web… 54 min.. It's weird how you suddently have so much free time after breaking up with somebody that you don't even know where to go and what to do with all this time... I should have known that It's a bad thing to built your life so much around one person, revolve around them, that was just wrong from the very beginning, so well, I should have expected that.. 48 min… well it's not that I'm complaining, finally I got to stay at my own apartment I toally neglected, I finally got to throw away that mexican food that was in the fridge since Patrick left to Peru (hmm.. Was it a month already???) and that jello… jello.. Where did it come from? 45min.. Oh yeah I finally got to read 3 books I bought and started reading and left all in the middle. Bukowski was kinda very depressing.. Or too realistic didn't figure it out yet. The book's name had an interesting translation though, they tranlated "Ham of Rye" as "A Sanshwich with Shit".. I need to meet the translator.. Well, actually that name was enough to get me to read it and after finishing it I couldn't quite realize what it was all about. 40 min. Boss called, he said something about project, meeting on Monday and deadline... hmmm... I wonder what he was talking about... 35 min.. I have to remember to drop my laptop for service, it got this weird thing to stop playing any sounds from time to time, but I realized that it starts working again after you shake it. I think I looked weird cause I had it on my lap shaking it periodically while watching some video online.. My roommate looked at me from undef the brows while trying to catch annoying little flies that somehow got into our aparment. Flies... could be a mexican food? Or jello? Where did it come from anyway.. 25 min.. Well.. My computer will be at service and I will be dying without my "baby" for those 10 days.. Oh.. It means no philosophical or political crap tonight with people on the web… so now I'm left with only two options I guess. 20 min… Hmm… somehow concentrating on your clock at the corncer of your screen doesn’t make it go faster.. 15 min.. okay… now some last minute stuff and I am off!!!.. I guess nothing happensif I leave earlier. It's only 4:50pm anyway… and yeah.. I think it will be Harold and Kumar anyway. And maybe then we can squize in getting drunk with a friend.. And after getting home and engaging in philosophical and political discussions with my roommate, instead of random people on the web.. Everything's not that bad after all..

antartica Posted: Sat Jul 31 08:15:35 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  firstly... halllooooo Breeze...
welcome.... i'd love to read ya entry but crikey... 3 words into it and you-have-fucka-wif-mah-eyes!!!

oh joy!!! it's been a while since any one really got to use that one... haha

welcome welcome =))

ant's rants... 31 July 2004, 1214GMT / 2014 SG

colleague came in to K'stan last nite and brought papers from s'pore... it's reali wierd that something like the daily papers that i take for granted back home is sucha peice of gold here... woohoo!

read tha steve vai was in singapore last nite for a one night onli performance....

dammit... dammit... dammit... dammit...

FN Posted: Sat Jul 31 08:50:30 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Saturday 31 July 2004 around 14:30

Came home around 8 this morning.

Spent the whole night having fun at elephant guy's place if you remember him, together with the sixties man and some girls.

Turned out to be a very entertaining experience to say the least.

I wonder if I've ever been in the presence of so many raging hormones before.

They all got drunk, except me, which should be pretty obvious.

We lost elephant guy and one of the girls, but some time later during the night he came back downstairs with a grin on his face telling us he was going outside for a smoke, only to be followed by that girl 5 minutes later.

We will never know what happened there. I hope.

I knew those girls before last night but only in a saying-hello-kind-of-way. Never really talked to them before.

Turns out they apparently had a completely different image of me.

Got some compliments as well. In their words while they were getting a massage from my 2 male friends: "Wouter and Timo (the 2 other guys) are easy, but you... you seem so... unattainable... so hard to get... The way you sit there, your posture, your expression. It's so... appealing." after which they asked me if I wouldn't massage them as well with some additional winks.

Must have been the booze.

Didn't take the offer. Not my style. It only seemed to get them going more though for some reason. Can't say I wasn't tempted at times.

Slept untill about 12 when I got home, and now I'm finishing that essay, at last. Will probably take me another half an hour or so. After that I'll probably watch some tv or try and get some more sleep.

Tonight I'm going clubbing again, but don't know where yet. Have several options, one of them is going with a (female) volleyballteam. Don't know what I'll do.

Will keep you all posted.

CorDrine Posted: Sat Jul 31 20:31:26 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sunday 1st August 2004 8:24am

Slept at 2am, woke up at 6:30am. Didn't managed to catch the sunrise this Sunday. But its ok. Its ray may have cheered me up a bit, but the storm in my mind today was rather unpredictable. Don't know when it was going to clear.

Couldn't sleep much last night. Wish my mind would just shut up. I had to turn on my mp3 player with my earphone on so that I won't disturb his sleep. Had to turn the volume so far up that it was begining to make my ears hurt. But no matter how hard I turn the volume, the noise was never loud enough to shut up the noises in my head instead. And somehow, the tears just can't stop flowing. What the hell was wrong with me?

The phrase: No one sees you crying in the night, came into mind. How true it was. The world seems so much bigger, so much lonelier, so much sadder.

In the morning, I was still crying. Guess I'm just emotionally unstable. I try to cry as softly as possible so that it won't disturb his sleep. But it was no use. I had to take a cold shower at 7:30am to give my system a shock. After that, I had to sing along to all the rock song in my mp3 collection, made paper dolls, do anything to stop my mind from thinking. The headache was starting. The noises was starting again.

What a way to start a Sunday....
Its not like I can live forever, why do I keep ruining what is almost perfect, demanding what was never perfect to begine with?

choke Posted: Sun Aug 1 18:49:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
Went to the rage. Was good! A mate comered, people started getting violent, I decided it was time to leave, it being freezing cold and all. Ended up walking to a mates at 4am on my own, through a neighbourhood with street lights all smashed, the houses run down.. dogs running at me snarling.. Lucky I was so wasted.. It all seemed beautiful in a sordid twisted way. It was like... Any minute now, I can get picked up by the cops or walk into a gang of maoris, and I don't care. I think only one moment of real fear would have been walking through the trees in pitchblack, in a public park. Lol. Mah. Who cares.

Mum called me in sick to school so I'd stay home and help her with her homework and look after Zak. Lol. My family is run by deals& cntracts.Twisted, but I'd hate to have parents that cared. For instance: I'm allowed out all weekend without checking in at home, provided I don't complain when they bugger off and do the same for weeks on end :P I'm allowed online, provided I make my sister pass her license. Things like this, rule our family life. I wouldnt have it any other way.

And now the random line of the day...

"One more dedicated peaceful moment.."


FN Posted: Sun Aug 1 19:24:06 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  choke said:
>Lucky I was so wasted..

Glad to see you're getting your act together

iggy Posted: Mon Aug 2 06:15:26 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
tempest in a teacup.

i nearly broke down this late morning. a familiar voice. a familiar hey.
i miss that voice so much.

i got a job offer last saturday.
the company i wanted to work for finally sent me an email asking me if i'm still interested.
the boss is willing to hire me... just need to meet the business partner for the final say.

i need this break.

i already mapped out my plans. now it's action. not words.

i'm not gonna tell u, i'm gonna show you.

i've discovered i've become very mecenary when it comes to my work, my career.

it all boils down to money.
i'm here for the passion. i'm following the passion. but passion takes you so far.
now it's all about how far can i go.
what's my career path in the company. what's the salary that i will draw.
is the company gunning for awards.
is the company limited to local production?
what's in it for me.

passion took me so far, but i have to think about the dollars and cents.

i need to know if i can feed myself and my family.
i need to know if this path i've chosen will fulfill my needs and wants ... and i will be fulfilled monetary as well.

i've realised that the local media industry needs a change.

the producers and the production crew are not a tight group. the distinct line is drawn... and i don't like it.

my ambitious nature is coming back.
i can see it in my face everytime i wake up.

i am dropping whatever bloody baggage that dragged me for god know how long more and more each day.

it's been only a few months. but like what i've always said to people. i'm slow to start, but once i start... u will have a problem in trying to stop me.

just wait and see.

you'll see. ;)

breeze Posted: Mon Aug 2 12:05:45 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  antartica said:
>firstly... halllooooo Breeze...
>welcome.... i'd love to read ya entry but crikey... 3 words into it and you-have-fucka-wif-mah-eyes!!!
>oh joy!!! it's been a while since any one really got to use that one... haha
>welcome welcome =))

Thank you for the welcome =) and next time I'll make sure I'm not fucka-wif-yah-eyes!

Mon. Aug 2, 2004.

I look like lobster, meaning red like as if I was just pulled out of the boiling water. I should have used the sunblock, but hey who knew that the day that started with pouring rain and thunderstorm will turn into cloudless sky with 90F heat.

I lost my voice, a perfect combination to the red face. Especially at work, especially on the day you have to make presentation infront of the top management.

But there are no regrets, Galatasray won FC Porto 2:1, which was a good reason to loose a voice and change color of the face after 3 hours at the stat during which I got lost, smashed, and pulled out of the crowd of 40 Turkish men jumping and singing in excitement; got wet, after somebody decided to cool them down; got almost kicked out as security decided to intervene; and got almost hit as Portuguese guys decided to fight for somebody telling somebody to put their ass down cause they couldn't see the game...

Yeah... It was a great day. It was my official induction into club of millions of soccer fans worldwide, which basically ended with no casualties and minor injuries, which is rare thing...

Soccer is fun. People need some passion like this one in their lives to feel all their 5 senses sharpen as the game starts. Flags, songs, drums, colored faces, horns, smoke, sweating, hot men playing on the field, same sweating, but not that hot men standing around you screaming and singing, you screaming and singing, the ritual of jumping, sitting, waving, clapping, punching, pushing… where else can you find all that in the same place. It makes you feel you are alive and it makes you feel good even if you almost can't speak, have a red burn face and have a presenation to make...

FN Posted: Mon Aug 2 12:12:11 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Actually it would make me feel like part of the herd.

My senses are pretty sharp during sex, by the way.

breeze Posted: Mon Aug 2 12:38:43 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Christophe said:
>Actually it would make me feel like part of the herd.
>My senses are pretty sharp during sex, by the way.

I think it makes you part of the herd only you if dumbly follow whatever they are doing, without actually making a decision for yourself. It's a good stress relief and if you enjoy soccer it is just a huge part of the culture, and as many cultural things it is there to unite people of same beliefs. But you have an option of either being there or not, so basically you are not a part of the herd. You just let out your emotions, adrenaline, and experience a thing you can never experience anywhere else. Just for the sake of trying something new at least once.

And, I agree on the sex part, but it is a totally different experience.

FN Posted: Mon Aug 2 13:57:51 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Soccer is big over here, never really liked it though. Or any sports for that matter, unless I'm the one playing/kicking ass.

Judging from the matches I've been to in my life: not my kind of people.

I guess I get the same thing you're describing by going to a good club with an excellent atmosphere

Mark Posted: Mon Aug 2 15:11:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Sunday, August 01, 2004

was supposed to be a quiet day and it was for most of it. Found me some time to read and so I did... alot.

between reading and reading some more I found Christophes political post in his myGT, found it interresting and reacted on in. Was in quite a hurry though since my brother wanted the house for him and his gf alone for a couple of hours. Later in the evening I read the reply of Christophe and I must say that when I find the time I need to continue the discussion (<- note for self).

Read some more and thought about me and my situation with a girl I really like, but seems out of reach.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Up early, long day at work, really boring. But there was a good thing. The girl I like is joining me to go to a Rammstein concert ...good feeling is back :)

FN Posted: Mon Aug 2 15:25:28 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Haha, be carefull she doesn't let you pay the tickets only never to be heard of again ;o)

choke Posted: Mon Aug 2 18:40:07 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
Am still home. Went to doctor yesterday who gave me yet another course of antibiotics, if this course doesn't work i'm getting sent into hospital. Its exciting, in a scary kindof way. Wish she'd thought to give me some painkillers though :P

Am starting to feel slobby, restricted movement means I can't workout or go to work or anything to stop the onset of flubber :P Argh kill me now!

Am hiding in my trenchcoat feeling sorry for myself. Will get off my arse (figuratively speaking, am incapable at the moment) and write my report soon. ("How closely is the link to schizophrenia from marijuana followed by the media and is there enough warning about this")Should be a barrel of laughs. Har. Har.

Have resolved to get more sleep.

And ignore certain people. (None of you guys) :)

And stop anything that may aggravate my health anymore than it already is.

It sounds a little like new years :P

iggy Posted: Mon Aug 2 21:58:55 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  there's a blog section here guys...

put it there! lol

choke Posted: Mon Aug 2 23:58:39 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  holy shit i just noticed it lol

FN Posted: Wed Aug 4 12:08:19 2004 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It's 17:47 right now.

So I got asked by the president of the junior branch (the guy himself is in his late 30's though, kind of paradoxal isn't it) of the political party I want to run for to join it a while ago, as some of you might remember.

Had an interesting talk with another frontman in politics in my region, which envelops my city. My report was well recieved by both of them, and I'm starting to spread it amongst the people who should be aware of it.

Today it was given to a Belgian senator for example (so a guy who's actually active on a national level) of my party; am awaiting reply from him. Got to him through some people who I gave the report to first, didn't know they knew him though but they liked it, so decided to get it across to him as well.

Normally I should visit the mayor of my city next week, at last, should have done it already but I'm at my dad's right now and I want to be able to take my time for it and plan it as well as I can.

One of those guys told me that I should skip trying to work my way up the junior branch of the party and let the wannabe's handle that part, because according to him he was pretty sure that if I wanted to I should be able to force my way into a position in which I can actually be elected in my city in 2006.

I'm not getting my hopes up or anything though, I'm very realistic with stuff like this, and it's not like I don't have any other options, but hey, say what you want, for a 17 year old kid who decided to have a go at politics a month ago, all of this isn't such a bad start, so fuck the nay-sayers lol.

Other than that I've spent my day driving everybody everywhere, and that's pretty much it.

So, how are you all fighting mediocrity?


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