||I usually have pretty average dreams, but sometimes I'll go through a period where every night they're really vivid. This one seems to have some sort of urgency to it so I was just wondering what you guys could make of it?
A computer. I travel down to a room. There is a boy in there that wants sex and nothing else. He is already angry with me because I have disappointed him in the past. He smiles and touches but I refuse and he grows into a sullen rage. He makes me take his dirty dishes to the kitchen where his family are also abrupt with me.
It is mum and Rose in the kitchen and we are having the most frightful row. Everyone is being cruel and I am screaming. Someone brings me a bottle of window cleaner and suggests I drink it. I am so angry and hurt I choke it down. They just watch and call me stupid. I feel I will die soon. Things start to go woozy and I run to my room. Rose walks out of my bathroom and says she wants to talk to me but I am still so angry. I sit against my doors watching her shadow through the glass and scream with adrenaline. ďYou donít want to talk. You want to hurt me again.Ē (Just a note, I canít think of any time where she has ever hurt me, so I donít think her identity matters)
I am gone from the boy who is angry with me. I am swimming with others and I keep stopping and kissing a girl, just because I want to and no one else is near. I can feel fine hairs on the top of her lip. The water is almost black and deep, but not cold. We turn to go back and there is advances made by a boy that I want to return, but it is too late, we are there and the angry boy has waded out claimed me again. He is not angry anymore and wants sex. He is smiling and excited. He feels that surely I will not refuse him now. I am more afraid of this smile than I am of his rage. I am in his house; everyone is drying out by a fire that is not going. He is gone to his room to wait for me. A girl with long brown hair lies down on the hearth and says she will see me another time. It will be perfect. Then she sets fire to herself and I watch her burn. She is silent, although her jeans have melted to her legs in a sticky mess and I can see her rib cage hanging with strings of congealed blood and tight patches of tendon when the skin burns through. She glows red, like embers. Her hair has not burned and it is attached to a fragment of her scalp. One of the others want a piece of her hair and I look for an ember to burn it off, but there is no longer any fire. Everything has turned to dead grey ash. I look to tell them so but there is no one near me anymore. Everyone is gone. Everything is in ashes.