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How do you...
Silentmind Posted: Thu Aug 11 22:28:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  deal with a death in the family?

addi Posted: Thu Aug 11 23:01:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  one minute at a time, and then one hour, and soon you make it to one day at a time if you have support of other close family members and friends. The death of any close relative or immediate family member never gets easier, even if you've experienced it several times. You really have no choice but to honor their memory, and move on in a positive way as best you can. Occasionally stopping from the craziness of daily life to reflect on how precious and temporary it is is a good thing to carry with you.


Silentmind Posted: Fri Aug 12 00:01:43 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Its not yet. We found out today, but they said tops a few months. Brain cancer is a nasty thing.

Mouse Posted: Fri Aug 12 00:17:01 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm sorry Silentmind. Be thankful that you know ahead of time, and make the most of that. I wouldn't say that there is any formula for making it through. My advice to you is don't just survive, you won't like what is does to you. You have to put up a fight to actually live.


jennemmer Posted: Fri Aug 12 01:53:40 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Silentmind said:
>Brain cancer is a nasty thing.

Stupid cancer. There are few things I hate more.

My grandparents both got a similar diagnosis many years ago. We made sure that they knew how much we loved them, and they did the same back. We spent a lot of time together, had a lot of laughs, told a lot of stories but also cried a lot sometimes.

Enjoy the time you have together just for the sake of being together. If you start thinking too hard about "last times" you won't end up appreciating what you do have quite the same way.

(And Mouse: beautiful advice. Can I quote you on that? ;)

antartica Posted: Fri Aug 12 03:19:17 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  sorry to hear about that man

well. there are still a few deaths in my family - grandfather : 1985, favourite uncle : 1992, great grandma : about 5years ago

and i still have problems dealing with it, everytime i visit the place their urns are placed i still get teary

take it easy dood, do things that you'd be able to do together, even if it's nothing more than spending time together


iggy Posted: Fri Aug 12 06:17:38 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  

Mouse Posted: Fri Aug 12 08:02:06 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  jennemmer said:
>(And Mouse: beautiful advice. Can I quote you on that? ;)

I would be most honored, Jenn.

Ahriman Posted: Fri Aug 12 08:59:47 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I have an Irish family, our funerals are parties. My uncle died because of alcohol so everybody got wasted at his funeral. Two tears and plenty of beers. We celebrate their lives, not their deaths. Remember who they were, not what they are.

innocenceNonus Posted: Fri Aug 12 17:58:25 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Honor and cherish the memory of the person. Learn from his or her life.

And remember that death is really the next great adventure. So Dumbledore and Peter Pan tell me. But seriously... Death is death. It's a part of life. Tragic and sad, it also symbolizes finality. The end. [But not in a morbid sort of way. Just the culmination of someone's story.]

Condolences, my friend. Spend the time that you guys've got having fun and making more cherishable memories. While we mourn death, I believe it's even more important to celebrate Life.

CorDrine Posted: Fri Aug 12 23:41:52 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I had a friend who died of brain cancel at age 19. Most of us never knew till he passed away. But he knew all along. He never told us.... I thought that was rather brave of him. He lived a normal life all the way till the end....maybe that's the best way to go?

Silentmind, hang in there. Celebrate the person's life, not the death.

mat_j Posted: Sun Aug 14 16:22:03 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  It's never easy, i got through it by writing, i found it difficult to say what i was thinking sometimes so i put the words into somebody else's mouth. It may not work for everyone i don't know but i felt a hell of a lot better because it was like writing a secret code, i'd show some people songs and stories or whatever and if they knew what i was talking about they'd get it.

when my Grandfather died i wrote a song called death of an amicable cowboy, it wasn't about him really, but i just clung onto the idea of things after death being easier than we imagined and even a little funny. It helped me because of the pain he was in towards the end, I wanted to imagine that even though he had stopped here, Whatever came afterwards he'd got rid of that pain.

addi Posted: Sun Aug 14 18:17:04 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  mat_j said:
>It's never easy, i got through it by writing,

I do the same thing. A few years ago I had a friend die of AIDS, and I couldn't think of anything to do but write a poem for his partner celebrating his life. He read it at the funeral. It didn't ease anyone's pain, but it was the only way I felt comfortable expressing myself.

Once I believed in a heaven. Now it's all so uncertain.


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