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Random Crying Fit
Bzoso Posted: Wed Aug 17 15:04:48 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Yeah, so I do a lot of work with Black India ink, and last night i did the worst thing you can do with Black India ink, spill it all over the carpet in your room, so that was pretty bad, but it was an accident, I put the cap on the bottle it just somehow fell off. So i put the bottle back on the table, there was still some ink left. Well, the next morning before I have the oppurtunity to tell my parents, my brother kicks me out of my room so he can use the computer, so im in the next room and then all of the sudden i hear WHAT THE FUCK JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!! my dad, apparently my cat had wondered into the room and had knocked the rest of the black india ink out onto the floor and all over my dad. Needless to say, he was upset. He gave me the usual your fucking lazy! blah blah blah your going to find out what it means to pay for your own things! blah blah blah yelling at, which I'm pretty used to, so while he was in my room yelling and pissing everywhere, i decided to hide out in the den, so im walking to the den, and i see my mom, and my brother and i start crying, not bawling, but i have to purse my lips to keep from bawling, you know. So i go to the den and i can't stop crying, and i just keep crying and when I wonder why the hell im crying so much, I just cried more. And my dad finds me and keeps yelling and yelling and then he notices how much Im crying and kind of leans off me and evantually is like 'It's really not THAT big a deal, I mean, is there something you want to talk about?' at that point i was borderline bawling, I was so confused so i just cried more. And he gave me a hug and i went to my room and I calmed down, then I thought why was I crying so much? And it started up again, really bad, and it had been like 20 minutes up to that point basically, and its been about 40 minutes now, and its starting again, and im getting all emotional and i dont even know over what.

Just had to get it out, you know.

Bzoso Posted: Wed Aug 17 15:06:13 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  And in follow up, I'm 17, and I really don't cry that often, like maybe once a year thus far.

addi Posted: Wed Aug 17 15:44:20 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Shit happens, Bzoso....and so do tears.

It will just go down as one of life's shitty experiences, and will soon pass. Trust me, some day years from now you'll be back at home with the folks reminessing about the ol' days and this incident will come up and you'll all be in tears from laughing.
In the meantime keep things in perspective, and thank your lucky stars it wasn't something extremely serious that happened.

beetlebum Posted: Wed Aug 17 16:39:12 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I don't cry that much (unless it has to do with wily South Africans), but... eh... I know what you mean. Every so often it is as though my tear ducts have malfunctioned or something.

Anyway, I hope you're alright. Meeble.

DanSRose Posted: Thu Aug 18 00:28:51 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I wasn't sure where to post this; your's or andriel's.

I've been spending the majority of the week, so far, moving and unpacking back into my room, the one up stairs from my parents and across from my sister's. I don't remember having an exceptionally happy childhood, not that it was filled with misery and strife- it was dull and rather uneventful. I really have to struggle to remember smiling and laughing, and when I do, it's not here, not in here.

I grew up in College Park, Maryland, at university. I went on an archaeological dig, made a friend who is the traditional definition of magical and I cannot lose (she won't let me), and a few great others along the way (even a few who were resurrected from my life in New York, including my cousin) I know about hoodoo, voodoun, GSR, mens rea, fingerprint, the Holocaust a little bit more, how to write, how to read, and the list could go on, but I'll spare you.

I'm moving back in and learn that the system, which held the very last test I have to take, lost my name (it was supposed to be on Friday), so I paid $30 and should be able to take it next Thursday.

But that's basic headaches, normal "well shit" things.
I've been having nightmares again. I almost never remember my dreams, but I know when I have nightmares. When I have nightmares I talk in my sleep, but with no conscious motor control, my tongue and jaw do not sync up, leaving large painful punctures on my tongue. This affects my speech, slurring it and bringing back a stutter, making it painful as well as hard to hear. I blame it on hard (or soft) food, but usually personal clumsiness- everyone buys that.
I partly lied back there. I do remember one dream I've been having regularly; I shared it here before. I had a job at the Telfair Museum in Savannah, had a nice cozy apartment there, shared it with that magical friend I mentioned before and another I cannot recall. Snippets of me cooking, working, organizing eating laughing smliing walking around getting a free peach pastry from a nice woman who owned a shop, sealing the deal for me moving there to live.

Here, I have few friends, no job, an increasing feeling despondency and uselessness. I'm going to back to DC in the morning. My cousin and her boyfriend's birthdays. And maybe, maybe *crosses fingers, knocks on woods, wishes on starlight starbright, turns thrice and spits* going back to UMd for grad school.
I don't know what I want. I never have known. The only time I have ever been happy is when I'm traveling, cooking, writing, and waiting for my tea to finish.
Occasionally suicide flashes across my mind. But not seriously. More like "Hey, I wonder what wood sounds like?" or "What does sugar see?" Nothing serious, like a throw-away joke. I should sleep now, but fuck it. I think cartoons would be a better idea right now.

Kira Posted: Thu Aug 18 00:48:40 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I hate that confused crying.

I used to kind of like crying, the way you like sad and darkish things because they make happiness shinier. And because when I was young and sad, I wanted to be tragically beautiful/beautifully tragic.

But not anymore.

Mesh Posted: Thu Aug 18 01:16:52 2005 Post | Quote in Reply  


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