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choke Posted: Fri Feb 24 13:56:59 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  When I'm angry at America I walk on the left hand side
Standing ungainly on bright eyes and chemical promise.
Bite my tongue on an accent I shake to taste
Grinding my heels into young cigarettes
Smile on habits because they deserve, they deserve
To be dumb and get sick.
A through F means nothing except in factory schools
Children turned out like success
Your mouths keep growing, stretching over words that
Swell outwards
Laying claim to air.
Ma forgive me
My feet bled through my shoes
Say a Karikia
Pushing gently through windowpanes
Shards of dirt
Show us the ground again
Listen! You are not the only
But only some of the time.


 
choke Posted: Sat Feb 25 12:40:18 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I don't know if anyone reading this will remember I had a very different style of writing a year or so ago, and I'm wondering if the style I use now is better or worse? It feels a lot more honest to me, but then it always seems a little disjointed because my old ones had an obvious rhythm.


 
addi Posted: Sat Feb 25 13:56:03 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  rhythm or not, I like it. The "Grinding my heels into young cigarettes" line stood out to me. I'm not sure I fully understand the meaning of the poem, but i don't feel it's necessary to always comprehend the creator's mindset to appreciate the words.


 
Mesh Posted: Sat Feb 25 17:23:32 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>rhythm or not, I like it. The "Grinding my heels into young cigarettes" line stood out to me. I'm not sure I fully understand the meaning of the poem, but i don't feel it's necessary to always comprehend the creator's mindset to appreciate the words.


Yes. And I like it too.


 
mat_j Posted: Wed Dec 8 08:54:25 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  How did i miss this, it's excellent!


 
choke Posted: Thu Dec 9 05:26:05 2010 Post | Quote in Reply  
  mat_j said:
>How did i miss this, it's excellent!

lol it's like a million years old and full of teenage angst plus culture shock!


 



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