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Can't Sleep, Clown Will Eat Me
DanSRose Posted: Thu Nov 16 02:30:52 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Since Thursday, I have slept 20 hours. Granted- it's been a busy week: Death Cab For Cutie because my girlfriend loves them and I was "asked" to go (which is becoming a problem), camping over the weekend, writing the first half of a short story for my workshop in the course of a day Monday night and worrying about the acual workshopping of it, and nothing Tuesday and tonight. The last month has been like this, slowly progressing to this point.
No, the normal things aren't working. Normal things include: Cutting caffeine, adding caffeine (hey! I dream better with caffeine), Exercising in varying degrees, tea (Honey dew white and Chinese green), trying to sleep on a made bed, trying to sleep reversed (toes at the headboard), trying to sleep on my sister's bed as she's at university and I'm already using her room as a storage room, silence, playing music (DMB, the Decemberists, Philip Glass, Moby, the Amelie soundtrack), light, lamp light, dark, eating bread drinking water, whiskey, beer, wine, my old sleep medication called Trazadone, personal "relief", sex, reading, writing, cleaning, showering, blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm just bitching, not looking for answers. I'm pretty sure there are only 2 things that are having a hand in it. I'm very sure my lower left wisdom tooth is ready to yanked. (Oh, yeah- Tylenol with codeine too from the last wisdom tooth removal and no you can't have any). I'm very sure if you go all the way back up to the top, to the wink and the nudge to it. I begged off coming here and bitching about certain things (because I'm paranoid and didn't want someone reading this even though I know they don't come to GT), but I'm fucking up so there.
On lighter side, my super best friend who is stationed at the Yokota Air Force Base in Japan mailed me package. I now have 2 magnetic bracelets, a gold paper crane, a wooden carved puzzle, 2 clay Japanese lions, and the creapiest mark I've ever seen of an Oni.

Yeah, it's a relationship thing. I'm done with this confessional.

addi Posted: Thu Nov 16 07:04:05 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  embrace your hectic schedule (old buddhist saying)

think of it this way, Dan. You could be not sleeping because you have absolutely nothing going on in your life...and you're bored out of your mind, doing nothing but numbly staring out the bedroom window in a state of Nietzscheian angst.

Rene Descartes said it best
"I am in pain, therefore I am alive"

*as far as the clowns and sleeping issues I've found that if I cover my body with Tabasco sause (red, not green) that the clowns won't eat me. Apparantly it gives them heartburn and gas.

~Just Imagine~ Posted: Thu Nov 16 14:53:34 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Can't sleep
Dead person in the closet...

not kidding

choke Posted: Thu Nov 16 16:01:07 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ~Just Imagine~ said:
>not kidding


DanSRose Posted: Thu Nov 16 18:21:14 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>think of it this way, Dan. You could be not sleeping because you have absolutely nothing going on in your life...and you're bored out of your mind, doing nothing but numbly staring out the bedroom window in a state of Nietzscheian angst.

Addi goes for the touchdown down the court, reaches the basket, hitting the puck with the bat, and GOALL!!!

It's that, but not only that.
This is the summary of the situation:
I love her, and she loves me but much much much more than I love her. There are plans and events and issues that are taking precedent over everything else. I know that this is part of a relationship. I know that. It's that I have run out of time. The sleeplessness is good for 3 days, max- the creative juices need to soak for 3 days. It's been much much more than 3 days: This all means I like to write, I'm good at writing, and, right now, it can really be my meal ticket. I'm not interested in compromising- I've spent my whole life compromising and making other people happy, giving them my time and energy and weekends. I know exactly hos selfish this sounds, but I'm tired (3 hours last night. w00t!) and I have lost my patience with diplomacy. I feel out of it. Out of my myself, out of the relationship, out of my head, out of my path. Not off the path- out of it; I was not on it to start with.
I've found that I need to do, that I need something else, and I can't be nice anymore. Maybe then It will me sleep.
I don't know.

~Just Imagine~ Posted: Fri Nov 17 11:52:04 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Got rid of the body...

Hmm, sleeping alot better already

DanSRose Posted: Sun Nov 19 23:06:12 2006 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Man. I sound like the crazzeee


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