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How would...
SntSaturn Posted: Mon Aug 27 01:37:38 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  So a friend asked me this evening, how would I kill a Zombie? I am passing this question on to you all.

SntSaturn Posted: Mon Aug 27 01:54:33 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  An expansion to the previous question -

If you weren't fighting zombies, how would you aid the fight?

Example: I would probably be a medic, with a rockin' pair of handguns. I may change my choice of weapon though.

DanSRose Posted: Mon Aug 27 01:54:36 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'm preferential to the Severed Head approached, in which you sever the head of the zombie. I would do it either a ninja sword (a katana) or a spade shover.

libra Posted: Mon Aug 27 02:25:22 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  but you can't kill them cause they're already dead, right?

Ahriman Posted: Mon Aug 27 02:32:04 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I would probably use everything around me as a weapon. Honestly, whatever the situation or means, I'm going to go for the kill as fast as I can. Kenpo logic. If I had time to prepare, I would load up with thick clothing, light armor, fast weapons, and plenty of ammo.

FN Posted: Mon Aug 27 09:30:20 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Listen to me people.

I've watched about every single zombie movie human kind has ever created and have played many a virtual game that requires the killing of said creatures (resident evil anyone?), aside from that I have at least one zombie dream about once a month.

Long story short, I have valuable zombie killing lessons to teach.


- Remember they're not always after your brains, they'll bite your ankles too
- the wise man shoots his zombies twice
- bring food and water
- bring hot women to waste time waiting for the rescue that'll never come
- if you've built yourself a nice little fortress, stay there
- if you've not built yourself a little fortress just yet, either start building one, or if it's still early in the pandemic, search a bigger house or building according to group size
- avoid wooded and densely built areas


- take a walk in the fog
- split the group, one half will end up cut off and trying to get back into the fortress thingy you should have by now, inevitably bringing in some zombies along with them
- drag along pregnant women
- hesitate blowing your best friend's head off once he's bitten, he'll turn, turn I tellz ya!
- stand in front of doors and windows
- check out the eerily quiet garden shed
- investigate the sound of a baby crying somewhere, it's a zombie baby waiting to scare the shit out of you once you pick it up and unwrap whatever it's wrapped in
- flame throwers don't really work, it just disorients them a bit
- stake to the heart is for vampires, not zombies

And finally, the golden rule:

cut off zombie head is good, crushed cut off zombie head is better, crushed cut off burned zombie head is best


ifihadahif Posted: Mon Aug 27 18:46:52 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  You singe them, singe them til they're crispy then add a little salt and they are quite good with salsa, but it must be the kind with cilantro.

SntSaturn Posted: Mon Aug 27 19:58:36 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>You singe them, singe them til they're crispy then add a little salt and they are quite good with salsa, but it must be the kind with cilantro.]

. . . Not sure how into eating Zombies I would be. Though I do love salsa. Mmmm...

ifihadahif Posted: Mon Aug 27 20:41:46 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  You gotta dig the Zombies, cuz it's the time of the season.

addi Posted: Mon Aug 27 21:08:03 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  well I got that, hif if no one else did

: )

innocenceNonus Posted: Mon Aug 27 22:08:13 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  i love this thread.

i would behead with some sort of fierce blade. seems the most professional/ easy.

but if we wanted to go Hollywood and nuts on this?? i'd want a giant cannon blaster and endless amounts of energy and ammo.

btw, Christophe's how-to rocked. adding it to should seriously be considered.

beetlebum Posted: Tue Aug 28 09:11:51 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  addi said:
>well I got that, hif if no one else did
>: )

i got it. grin.

ifihadahif Posted: Tue Aug 28 17:43:29 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Hey Addi, Beetlebum got it too, but ya know what ?
She's not There !

JesusOnline Posted: Tue Aug 28 21:02:03 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Blades don't need reloading.

everyday_daisy Posted: Wed Aug 29 01:30:49 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  JesusOnline said:
>Blades don't need reloading.

Did you steal that from a movie? Because that has to be in a movie. It's such an "it" line.

addi Posted: Wed Aug 29 07:38:38 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  ifihadahif said:
>Hey Addi, Beetlebum got it too, but ya know what ?
>She's not There !

I know. she's off with the sun to
Promised lands.
I've requested that this time she give it to me easy, with pleasured hands.

mat_j Posted: Wed Aug 29 08:56:28 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  Okay people we are entering my professional field here.

If you have access to fire arms use something sensible something you can carry easily and something you can rely on in various climates etc.

Fire arms make noise, noise attracts more zombies, zombies run ammo out, try to use a silencer or only fire if you have to. one human can take on ten zombies but you have to be sensible.

Never only carry one weapon preferably carry a melee weapon as well as a fire arm.

To all you head choppers, it's not as easy as it look. A Katana is all well and good but charging around decapitating things isn't as easy as it looks, good melee weapons include machete, katana (if you can use it), hatchet (useful in a crisis), small sledge hammer (if it's not too heavy) and a trusty old crowbar (My personal choice of sidearm).

Stay away from malls, they are made of glass and vunerable to gangs of dumbasses as much as zombies.

Inner city neighbourhood have better defences than suburban middleclass neighbourhoods.

apart from a 20 ft concrete fence with towers, barbed wire and a large internal area for crop growing and water/petroleum storage the best thing you can do is get away from where humans may be.

It's a myth that zombies lurk around grave yards, if a corpse is buried before it reanimates it's sealed in a wooden box 6ft under ground, if you can't get out of that neither can your average Zed head/Zee/ghoul etc. In fact a cemetary may be your safest option, many have high wrought iron fences, thick walled chapels and municicpal sotrage buildings and maybe even a kitchen for the workers with a little food in it.

On the subject of churches/chapels- You're average church will be packed with zombies, probably brought in by people who think god or holy water can cure them. They'll be overun before the well meaning idiots who stay there can bar the doors.

If loverboy, little wife, grandma or sonny jim are bitten kill them, for fucks sake kill them!

PS Flamethrowers in the unlikely event of you getting hold of one will probably just set the zombies alight so you'll get burned as you are bitten.


My personal Wankfest Zombie protection kit

Hat stop blood from above (as seen in 28days later) problem

Leather jacket and silk shirt in cold climes, in warmer ones something that can't easily be grabbed, like a rugby shirt maybe.

A pair of silenced pistols (nothing fancy, .38 will do the same as .45)

AK-47 can use M16 rounds (even though M16 can't use AK rounds) it's durable, can be used in all climates and is easy to dismantle and repair). Only top be used in emergencies or when you're about to be overwhelmed (see section on noise)

Machete (military model with black blade to stop any slints off the blade giving you away)

Long crowbar- The hook at the end can really crack a skull as much as the sharp end can go in through the eye socket.

For further information please see the following books

The Zombie Survival Guide- Max Brooks

World War Z- Max Brooks

(and for a more studious approach to the voodoo Zombie)

The serpent and the Rainbow- Wade Davis

PS I Get your Zombies joke Hif

PPS For all those who've got this far check ouy the Adventures of Ron Mars on My Myspace page a wankfest of Zombie Hunting and Time travelling

PPPS Sorry for the repeated use of the word wankfest today

Mark Posted: Wed Aug 29 16:31:50 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  As said here before (and if there is enough time to prepare) I would get myself a gun. Nothing heavy, since I have no experience what so ever with shooting. As a sidearm a lovely crowbar would do (Half-Life fan here :) or/and a sword.

Also, for the pack I will be traveling with, there aren't any friends or family in it so I can shoot them without any hesitation. I think I won't be able to do that with my best friends.

JesusOnline Posted: Wed Aug 29 18:22:27 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  everyday_daisy said:
>JesusOnline said:
>>Blades don't need reloading.
>Did you steal that from a movie? Because that has to be in a movie. It's such an "it" line.

The Zombie Survival Guide - Max Brooks.

Ahriman Posted: Sat Sep 1 15:12:05 2007 Post | Quote in Reply

Mesh Posted: Sat Sep 1 20:35:22 2007 Post | Quote in Reply  
  I'd just look at them.


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