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Sympathy for the Devil
chanz
17 Dec 2003
Let me introduce myself if I may. Maybe you have known me by the names that people have given me throughout the ages. The Christians call me names raging from Lucifer, Satan, Beezelbub, Mephistos, and many other references in and out of the Bible. Other religions and cultures refer to me as Kali, the prince of darkness, Mo Gwai and so on and so forth. Many names for many languages and people. How can anyone truly understand me when there are so many names for me? Through the ages, I've never had the chance to tell anyone my side of the story or explain my reasons for the things that I did. Not that I need to, really. I just can't be bothered. How can anyone trust what I said when you humans have from young been brought up to believe that I am the prince of lies? How can anyone believe that I can possess some shred of humanity when I am the lord of hell?
So hello, and good evening, you can call me Lucifer. I like the ring of this name. The morning star. The name that God gave me from the beginning of time.
Did I disappoint you with my appearance? You must have expected some demon with a goat's face and horns or some goateed beatnik with a hugo boss suit, right? Let me remind you that I was the most beautiful of angels. And I pride myself in that department for sure. Even He said my biggest flaw was pride and vanity. Would I allow you humans to see me with a demon's face? I'm too proud for that humiliation. And how many of you have ever seen my face before, like how many of you have really seen God's face? All you have in your minds are images conjured by those boot-licking people in the church. No mind of their own if you ask me. Images of God is this old man with a long white beard right? You got it all wrong. He is timeless. How can he age? Like me. I, like you, with all of humanity and all the angels are created in his likeness.
Anyway, all of your kind was never around when the rebellion took place. All you have heard of were the tales that were passed down by people who were too scared to tell an unbiased account of what really happened. Before you mistake this conversation between you and me as a nit-picking session with God, rest assure that this is not. I'm just sick and tired of being accused again and again and being blamed over the centuries for thing that I have not done. Maybe I am getting old. Maybe I am getting tired. But I think it's time for you to hear my side. Do you have the time to listen to the second oldest being in the universe?
Where should I start? Or how should I start? Lets start from the beginning. Let's start from my fall from his favour.
I never did accused him of anything. I adored you humans. I was there when He breathed life into the first one. And like a child with his first toy, I was, quite frankly, amazed to see His likeness taking a physical shape. You were so fragile. So full of possibilities. But you listened to Him, and held on to everything He said. Eat this, eat that. Sit here, sit there. Do this, do that. I loved and pitied your kind.
I had to do something about it. I just had to. According to legend I appeared before you as a reptile and offered you a fruit of knowledge. If you believed that, you might as well believe in Santa Claus. Me? Appearing to the first two as a reptile? I am way too good for that. I offered you free will. I gave you a chance to choose your own destiny. I gave you freedom to choose. And what did I get in return? An eternity of hatred and fear and despise from your kind and my start of a soured relationship with Him.
I loved Him, more than anyone of you ever did. I did what He told me to. I was his favourite. But I loved your kind more and risked His wrath.
He wasn't really happy. He wanted unfailing love and devotion from you. He wanted no questions, no problems. Just you to worship Him till the end of time. Needless to say, He was rather peeved when I gave you the freedom to seek your own destiny.
And He had to give you something that even we, as angels, did not have. His grace and love and your souls. Initially, we felt neglected. We did everything He wanted us to do. But we gotten over it. We knew His love was too great to be compared or even measured, let alone understood.
But He forgot that you kind is not as timeless as we are. You grow old and die. But what happens to the soul? He has forgotten about it. Your physical self wasn't timeless, but your souls were. So what happens of it? There was no backup. It was far too late. I warned him about it. And when the collection of souls grew in the abyss, I heard your screams and cries and pleaded with him to save those souls in the abyss. All He said was, " In time. In time things will be done."
That part of him I never did understand. That love, that grace. Those attributes that made me love Him and serve Him can disappear in an instant. He wasn't happy when I questioned Him about his compassion.
His answer was swift and brutal. "You question my motives, and my plans? Since you love them so much, go and live with them for eternity!"
And that's where I fell.
Do you know what's the most painful thing?
It is having him look at you with digust. It's never to be seen in the way He used to look at you.
Have you ever had someone that you loved look at you with hate in their eyes? That empty glare. It haunts me till today.
But I know I've done the right thing. And I have no regrets.
Even if it meant a lifetime of loneliness, I have no regrets of what I did. But how many people understand the pain I feel within me?
None of your kind trust me. All of your kind has had through the ages spit at my very name. How can one expect to trust someone that has been known as the prince of lies? Did I ever lie to anyone?
I did what I felt was right and never did bother on how people looked at me. Is that considered bad in people's eyes? To have a mind of my own and not to follow God's every bidding. I chose to follow otherwise, and the many who felt I was doing the right thing were cast down from heaven. The so-called rebellion was over exaggerated. We just packed up and left. Milton glorified my descent from heaven in Paradise Lost. Dante created a horrifying world of where I reside now. And many stories and movies have been made creating images of what hell looked like. Fire and brimstone and endless screamings and tortures.
Bullshit.
Plain fucking bullshit.
Would God create a dimension that horrifying? Would I, the morning star, choose to reside in such an place? Hell, before I fell from grace is just an endless abyss forgotten by God. In a way, this is more painful than the fire and brimstone. You have no idea of how painful it feels to be ignored by Him, because you have never felt the presence of His grace. Once adore, now forgotten. The pain of my separation.
Why did I choose such a place for my residence? Heaven was taken, earth was meant for your kind. Which leaves only the abyss for the other seraphs that believed in me. I like it much here, even though I rather be up there. I mean, I was born to live in heaven. But to the countless souls forgotten by Him down here, my presence helps to sooth their tortured souls. I give them hope. A hope that someday we will be remembered and be grace by His presence one day. Like the way I dream of my home, these souls dream of the home that I yearn for every single day for eons. Till that day comes, I guess these souls will be under my wings for the time being. And to set the record straight, I don't torture the souls down here. Why would I do such a thing to the very souls I tried to fight for?
Ignorant scribes.
And please stop using the phrase, "The devil made me do it." "The devil tempted me." Blah blah blah.
The problem with you humans is your bloody talent for pointing fingers. You have free will. You have the freedom to choose. You chose and when things screw up, well, I am the best person to blame. And stop calling me a fucking devil!! I AM A SERAPH. I am the angel of light. I AM THE MORNING STAR! I have never taken your hand and cause you to sin. Well. What's wrong with indulging with pleasure? You have only one life. That brief moment of light between your mother's womb and your grave.
What is sin? Is it so bad to enjoy what the world has to offer? We are given senses, use them! Free yourselves. Why be bounded by laws governed by those prudes sitting in the Vatican? Do you think they obey God's law? They are, to me, just keeping up with appearances. The corruption, the cover ups, the out of court settlements. I don't even have to raise a finger against them. They will be their own undoing one day. Abusing God's words and using it to their benefit. That to me is the worst sin.
Even I am not capable of abusing His name.
How much blood has been shed in His name? Too much. So much that it sickens me to open my eyes and see the wars, the atrocities commited in His name. It saddens Him, I know. I see the pain in His eyes whenever blood is shed by the very people that He loves. You want to see the real Devil? It exists in your soul. Yes, every one of you. The things you are capable of thinking, saying and doing is far more horrible than what I can think of. In fact, I have never had blood on my hands. It's just that your kind have managed to put the blame on me effectively for eons. But the only thing that saves my pride is that you never heard of anyone calling out for blood in MY name, have you?
Let me digress for a moment here. I suddenly recall I have something to say for a long time. I just have a bone to pick with these bunch of idiots. Do you know who I despise more than blind faith?
People that worship me and commit those atrocities in my name. Satanists. Devil worshippers.
Fools. Fucking idiots.
I never written any bible or book on my words. That fool, Anton LeVay, claims I held his hand and written the Satanic Bible. If I held his hand, I would shove up so high up his ass that he can hold a pen from his mouth. I was His right hand man. (or angel) I called Him boss. There was never really a war between me and Him. It's just a conflict of interest, that's all. I hate the sight of blood. It ruins my clothes. If I ever wanted to have my own religion, it would be rival the churches anyday. I have the capability, the power and the following to do so. Well, the world is so these days anyway. It's either His way or the highway. So those that choose the highway, welcome to the club.
So those so-called Satanists will never find a place in my crib, I tell you. They would create havoc in the place where I call my home these days. I broke the rules in the first place. Would I create a set of rules to dictate how your kind should live by when I was the one that invented democracy? . I would never bind anyone with my rules. Choose your destiny. Follow your hearts. Live life to the fullest.
It seems wrong doesn't it? To give in to your desires and forget the standards of men.
But who sets the standards? Men? Or God?
The Church from the start has used the doctrines for their own political gains. How much of the bible has been edited away? How much of the content is whitewashed?
I stepped into many churches and saw the picture of Jesus. He has perfect skin, white flawless skin and blue eyes.
I've seen him at the valley where he fasted for 40 days and nights and was there when he was judged and crucified. Let me ask you, have you seen a jew? For a person to spend 30 years of his life in that condition, to have walked a thousand miles My heart went out to him. You humans. Give you something good, and you tear their words apart, distrust them, and destroy them. Even if we had different ideals, but we shared something in common. We did what we felt was right and never regretted our choice.
Regrets. I can't say I have none. But whenever I think of regrets. There's this empty feeling in me, yet there's this sudden rush of emotions I cannot put my finger on. Chaos within peace. My mind just goes blank. It's surprising, isn't it? The devil having these emotions. It makes me seem human. I would like to think that I am. But what's the point? I can never be you. And neither can you be me. But one thing for sure, these boots are too heavy for you to walk in. There are three shoes in the world noone has the courage to wear. God's, the Christ's and mine.
You might say, what about Mohammed's. What about Buddha's?
Well, at least they weren't persecuted by their kind. Try living his last days. And knowing how your fate and destiny and how you will die and yet carry on with this sick joke of a task and be contended with it.
If it was me, I'd said fuck it and went on with life being a carpenter. But he accepted it. And that's why I respect him.
But his followers, that really disappoint me. There are good ones. But there are the others.
Those declaring their love for God and Jesus. Fucking sin for six days of the week and on the Sabbath they hide behind that cloak of respectability and attend the house of God. They think they are forgiven, just because they have marked their attendence one day of the week. Wait till they get their surprise. God knows, and I know. God forgives. But I don't. I don't have that capacity to forgive in me. How much they lie and cheat and smear His name, I will repay thee seven-fold. It's strange to hear me saying this, isn't it? Well, I was the person doing most the dirty work for him in the past, let's just say I am doing Him a favour.
Talking about what I did when I was high up there.
Guess who were the ones that brought the plague, the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, the flood, and all the famine and disasters when He needed to make a point? Us. His seraphs. Gabriel and the rest of them. Sometimes I wonder how did they ever live their lives in peace for all the blood in their hands.
Me? I'm used to it. The ones I punish? They deserve it. The rest? You humans did it yourselves. Don't fucking blame it on us. God and me.
When people die, they ask where is God? Or the act of the devil. Fucking idiots. You have FREEDOM OF CHOICE! I was cast out of heaven for that freedom to choose. You chose. Don't fucking blame us for your actions. God is there. I am there. But noone forced you to pull the trigger. Noone told you fly the fucking plane into any building, you fricking idiots. Noone asked you to strap dynamite onto your bodies and blow yourselves up in a crowd. Oh yeah, they promised you that you will die a martyr, a passport to heaven. Wrong choice, fuckers. They promised you that. God didn't and neither did I. You have a fate worse than anyone else in the world. No place in heaven, nor hell. They will be rejects of any space of the world for the rest of their lives. And especially when they will be filled with the pain their victims felt before they died. That one is a gift from me.
A gift of eternal misery and torture. Haunted by the very souls you've killed.
Their fates almost the same as mine. I may reign in hell. But there's noone I can call a friend and talk to. Humans don't trust me. Either they spit at my very face or worship me.
Who can ever say they would like to have a conversation with the Devil? They hope to see the proud and mighty fallen seraph, the lord of hell. But would they be disappointed to see someone who's just plain old tired?
I tell you. I am tired. Noone to talk to, noone to hang out with. The other fallen ones are scared of me, distrustful even. We may have been comrades before, but through the ages, their hearts and mind have also been clouded and gone cold like the abyss. Maybe they blame me for leading them to leave heaven. Maybe they hate the fact that I am the only one that's been mentioned and worshipped. Maybe they're just plain fucking jealous.
It sounds corny. But I need a friend. I wander around earth. Trying to meet people. I did meet lots of interesting people. Lennon, Che, Shakespeare, Dante, Hitler, Cobain and so on and so forth. Promising young men. Intelligent, charasmatic and full of passion. But even though I've hung around them, it seems fleeting. A minute to me is a lifetime to them. It's sad when you find someone to really talk to, they have to go the next minute.
I walk around you all the time. Like a passenger I ride in your dreams, your waking moments, and I feel your thoughts and feelings. You don't know I am there. But I am there. I've been there since the day you been born and am there the day you die. Like God, I have the ability to be at more than one place at a time. Don't ask how we do it, this is too complex for you humans to comprehend.
But how I wish I wasn't endless. I long to be human.
To live, to love and to die.
To learn from the day you are born, to suffer the pain and to learn to be strong to brave the bad times and live life. To fall hopelessly in love and spend your life with that someone special. To have friends that are willing to die for you. To have your family and everyone around you during the holidays.
I… dream of that. And long for that.
That's why I try to mingle around your kind but I can't be human. And there are many nights where I sit at your places to hang out, and try to breath in the atmosphere. It feels good. It makes you feel alive.
And sometimes… it hurts that I can be so close yet so far… so distant. I can't be you.
Even when I speak to your kind, I have to hide who I am from them. I have to take on another identity, another persona. And I charm them off their asses. I love to speak, I love to share, and tell me where haven't I been there before, I've been to heaven and hell and back. The ladies adore me. An angel on earth. More mature, more travelled, more knowledgeable than the other humans. I invented the arts, music and all the self-indulgent pastimes for you humans. But … that's just that. I'm living a lie.
I can't tell them who I am and tell them how I really feel. Tell me how are you suppose to tell someone that you are Lucifer?
Who would believe you? That's something strange I find about you humans. Tell you the truth, you will never believe. Tell you a lie, and you will fall for it hook, line and sinker. No wonder advertising and marketing is such a lucrative business these days. No wonder all these so-called new age religions have such a huge following. No wonder all these holy books become fantasy novels throughout the years. Good idea turning into blind faith.
Stupid humans.
Did I digress too much? Where was I? Oh yes, to be human.
You know what would I like to do if I was human? To find a quiet stretch of beach somewhere in the pacific. Have a nice hut and find myself some nice lady and spend the rest of my life with.
Either that or find a place in Europe. I like Austria very much. The changing of the seasons is so picturesque and … words just fail me here. I long to love, to just hold someone's hand and walk along the forests. Go for dinner, and coffee later. And have a decent and intelligent conversation. And… make love. Yes, you heard me. Make love. I know it sounds absurd. But I long for that. Sex is easy. Making love is so hard, especially for me. How can I feel love when noone can really know me and accept me for who I am, let alone love me?
That's just it. Just plain simple. But my destiny in the great plan of the universe is to be the morning star. Like what they said, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. The same for your destiny.
My family? I don't even know if I ever had one. God? He stopped hearing me eons ago. The fallen ones? They've grown bitter and grotesque through the ages. I told them to step out for some fresh air, who have expect that they've taken their roles as the demons in hell so seriously?
I am lonely. The world is moving constantly. Change is happening all the time. I close my eyes and I see the changes instantly. But I am still here. Alone. I'm just tired of being me.
How long has it been?
I'm terribly sorry for taking so much of your time. It's been so long since I been talked to anyone. I sensed your interest in me from your thoughts and your research on me. I followed you in hope that you are not those retarded worshippers. You believe in God, and yet interested in hearing both sides of the story. It took me a long time to decide to show myself to you. And I must say you've been patient. I like that in a man. Patience, understanding, eager to listen to both sides of the story. And I hope I didn't not disappoint you.
Well, I should not take up too much of your time. Just call me if you need to know more. It's been good to have someone to really talk to after so long.
I got to get going now. There are some matters to be taken care of in a bit.
So take care. And I hope to see you again.
And oh yeah.
Did anyone tell you that I'm also known as the prince of lies?
-end-
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