1 Apr 2003
I wake up with a hangover, just like the past 9 days in a row. Its 2:30 in the afternoon and the day is almost over; almost night-time again. I do the same thing I do every morning: light a ciggarette, turn on CNN, grab my laptop from the top of my minifridge and a coke from the inside. Same routine for the past 2 years. I'm a creature of habit--as predictable as the phases of the moon. The only new thing is the hangover. I usually don't drink, but I'm tied of sitting up till 4am thinking about HER. She drives me crazy. Wondering what she really wants.
I've heard this all before. Everyone around me, just about every message board, and even on just about every show on TV. Shes so special. She makes me feel so great. One of a kind. She loves someone else, while telling me I'm the sweetest guy she knows and complaing about him.
She might not be a model, she's not the smartest girl I know, and she laughes like a jackel. But she is special, and I do love her.
And she's the only girl I know that can be kissing me one second, and talking about how much she loves her boyfriend the next. I'm just her god-damned comfort pillow.
This isn't healthy. I know that its only hurting me. But tonight, I'm going to see her, listen to her complain about her boyfriend, and quietly love her with all of my being. After all, there's nothing on cable any more.
Afterwards, I'll come home and start drinking. Anything to keep from thinking about her all night. Tomorrow, I'll wake up at 2:30, light a ciggarette, turn on CNN, grab my laptop and a coke, and start all over.