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Angie
D. Feuer
4 Mar 2004
Angie picked up her phone, dialed 10 digits, listening to the familiar tone of a number she knew so well. Her hand stopped over the last digit, and she dropped the phone back into its cradle. She moved away from her phone, rolling backwards in the desk chair. She turned and stood, walked towards her stereo, on its table behind the couch. Kneeling on the couch, Angie stopped the CD that was playing mid song, and grabbed the black nylon case that held all of her music. Flipping through page after page of CD's and booklets, memories in music. Picking one, she slid it out of the sleeve. Halfway through the first track, she removed it and placed in another CD, trying to find the music that matched her mood. On the third try she finally got it right.
Sitting in her desk chair again, she faced away from her phone, staring at the rows of pictures on her wall, more happy memories; happy memories of her and Dan sitting together watching movies together, playing games, just being together.
But now he is two states away, in college, and she still had a few months to go before she could join him there. But until then she had to placate herself with the few calls she would receive from him. She wanted more, but she couldn't have it. She wanted him to call up and tell her he was sorry and that he loved her, but, she knew he wasn't going to. She listened for the doorbell that signaled him standing on the steps, flowers in hand, apologizing for everything. But he was two states away, sitting in his dorm room, no phone in his hand, no doorbell, and no flowers.
The relationship was great, most of the time, but when they were apart, each wanted more than the other was willing to give; more attention, more calls, more attempts to come and visit. And so they argued, delivering accusations, half-hearted apologies, and ultimatums.
This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. They were supposed to deal with the separation until she made it to college in the following autumn. They were supposed to be happy and, maybe, live happily ever after. But now it was fights, and anger.
Angie no longer knew what to do. She wanted to stay with Dan, but some days it was overly taxing on her emotions. She talked about it, thought about it, realized her problems, but no matter what she thought or did, nothing made it easier to deal with the inevitable situation. She had ample opportunities to leave Dan, to find someone closer and more accessible. But there was something about the relationship she and Dan hung on to that was too precious to give up, even if she couldn't place what it was. Some days she simply felt like she was dragging him down, that he shouldn't be holding on to a relationship from high-school. Other days she was the one being dragged down, a long distance boyfriend constantly sitting in the back of her mind.
Some days she debated finding someone else, how could she hang on to the love she had with Dan, when she wasn't even sure what love was half of the time. Sure, she was happy when she was around him, but if they were in love, why did they fight so much?
Angie shook her head to clear her mind, trying to settle on a decision. She could leave him, and find someone else. But after she had fought against herself to stay with him for almost 6 months, could she give it up that easily, could she give up the happy times, the memories of movies and video games, driving around on cold nights, walking on the beach on warm nights. Could she simply forget about the meals, the conversations, compliments, insults, jokes, laughter, tears, sharing a bed and midnight snacks, concerts, music and shared cigarettes, shared thoughts and shared dreams. Could she give it all up to start all over again. And if she didn't? She could look forward to more happy memories, more love and more "them." She smiled and thought of the two of them, the last time they were together, and the bitter parting when she had to leave. And she knew what she would have to do.
Angie spun around in the chair, facing the phone that sat on her desk. Slowly she picked up the handset, and reached forward to dial. Beep… beep… beep…beep… She paused between the fourth and fifth digit, one last second though, before she continued, finishing off the tone that she dialed time and time again.
Two states away, a phone rang,
and again,
and a third time…
"Hello?"
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