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A letter never meant to be send.
The WOLFF
11 Jun 2004
(Authors note: It is semi-autobiographic. It is written for no one, mainly because I do not have a girlfriend at the time being.)
My dearest,
I never meant to hurt you. You always wanted to know me, but you couldn't since I never opened myself. Now I see where it leads to and through this letter I want to start to let you see what I kept hidden from you…my past, that which shaped me.
As many children I was picked on. I was called many things, but most I was called ugly. So much even that I started to believe it. Besides that I was "behaving to properly", a sissy, gay , I was picked on because I did not go with the latest fashion. Sometimes it wasn't only verbal, it became physical. A few years further, secondary school, I was also picked on because I never had anything with a girl. I just wasn't popular.
When I finally got a something with someone, she wasn't a faithful person. I already had difficulty with trusting people, but this increased it big time. It took three years before I learned to trust somebody again. The year after that I got something with a girl. A magnificent girl, she truly was, but it didn't last long…partially because me having no trust in humans made me a very jealous guy.
Oh, before I forget…In those three years I went to college where the torturing almost completely disappeared….Unfortunately my parents divorced…
In the second year of my second education however (I didn't finish my first education) there where persons looking down on me only because I read a lot. I was different that they where. Because of my appearance they though I was aggressive of even a nazi (talk about prejudices). In that same year someone also caught my eye. Too bad that again my trust needed to be shattered. There was another girl, but never tried something…she was out of my league. But sometimes she was so close….
This is only the start of me opening to you and hope it is enough for now. The rest I would preferably tell you personally. Do know that this and that which you do not yet know is that which formed me to what I am today. If I had a better youth, less pain, I might have been an entirely different person…A herd animal…not unique.
I hope this is enough to forgive me and if I open up you will close your arms around me again.
With lots of love,
Your little miracle wolf
Inspired by an episode of brace face...
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