A Late Night Ramble (subtitled: Love: Follies and Magnificence)
7 Aug 2005
What is it about our connections with others that leads us to throw caution to the wind and proceed with reckless abandon? Why is it that in all the might of mankind, we can be stricken down instantaneously by a mere subconscious whim which draws us to another being?
I was once, afflicted in such a manner myself. I spent several months moving further and further from my closest friends, and closer and closer towards bondage. This sensation birthed a side of me that i had never even contemplated the potential existence of. This side of me slowly but surely, by way of force, conquered my will. I became a hopelessly romantic shell of a man.
When, after all I had done and sacrificed, I was easily dispensed, I decided to never again allow myself to feel in such a way. Being tossed aside like a cigarette butt, used up, burned out, and then ground into the dirt is one of the most loathsome sensations I've known. I do not wish it upon anyone. However, the feeling is inevitable as long as men and women live in coexistence. Once one has had their heart torn asunder and mended, it becomes easier to repeat the process. The heart like the phoenix will almost undoubtedly renew itself and rise again to seek love.
The heart may be hopelessly gullible in its headlong pursuit of recognition. It has shown a history of flinging itself into a cold dark abyss of deceit in which it struggles to convince the mind that it is receiving what it desires, when the mind knows the painful yet necessary truth. When, however, the heart finds solid ground upon which to stand it is revitalizing and empowering, and generates unprecedented happiness and fulfillment. It is this which is strived for by all, and achieved by few. In this endless pursuit, many lose hope and perish, lead to their own demise by a lovesick heart.
Even with all of its follies, I have learned that love is perhaps the greatest feeling, or even realization, attainable by man. It gives meaning to an otherwise purposeless existence. Each sunrise is accompanied by the knowledge that there is someone (or more than one person) with whom you share an incredible bond.
Love is a magnificent gift that each of us has the power to bestow upon others. As human beings it is our obligation to grant this supreme emotion upon our fellows, be it Platonic or Romantic.
Each and every day that the sun rises into the sky, the flames of love will be kindled and fanned, and they will be smothered and doused. But, the flame of love will not be extinguished until the long after the sun has set for the last time and the world grows cold and lonely. It will forever leave its spark drifting through the cosmos, shining its light wherever a glimmer of consciousness may be found.
Just over one year ago, the spark once again suddened upon the kindling that was my heart, and brought forth again the fire and passion that when nurtured, provides one with incredible warmth and joy. However, if the fire is not treated with the respect due something so majestic and immeasurably powerful, it lashes out and burns out of control. This intense inferno of passion and confusion can cause a pain like no other burn.
This damage my not be marked by a permanent scar or charring, but until the fire has once again been charmed into submission, it rages inside like the sun. The heat is unbearably painful and as the fire flares in its irrational war on the one who cultivated and neglected it, it becomes intense enough to kill.
Upon reaching such a point, death seems the most merciful and humane path of escape from the pain, but it remains clear that death would then put out the fire and leave no future chance of warmth. Nothing will ever matter more than that warmth and so it is then obvious that one must be submissive to the pain and wait for it to subside because it is upon the acquisition of the warmth wherein true happiness is found. Until such a time, all other happiness is meaningless, because love is the meaning of life, it is the spark that ignites the fire, and even though the fire can potentially be more dangerous than anything, it can also be more rewarding and fulfilling.
That is the legacy of my fire, my love, all that I need and want. I yearn to feel that warmth again. It is the sole object of my efforts in this life.
Rebecca I am locked in a mad passionate love of you. I hope that you will help me to reign in the fire that rages inside me and join me around it to feel its nurturing warmth.
For all of my closest friends. You are the stars in my sky, and the light in my life. The ground on which i stand, and the air that I breathe. And to her, the Sun in my universe.