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  • ...believe...
    chimera
    17 Mar 2005

    so there's this big tomato and this little tomato and they're walking down the street and the little...shit that's not how it goes....ok this is it...

    ...so there's this papa tomato and his kid tomato and they're walking home after a long day, both exhausted....

    [ -- You remember that time, it was when we were still testing the waters. We were close enough to call each other at night and talk for hours, but uncomfortable enough that there was still a "reason" for the call. Of course there never really was any reason besides wanting the company, we never really had anything to talk about, it was just the need to hear each other's voices. We weren't allowed to admit that yet though, we would call each other for an initial reason, whether it was a simple as finally purchasing your favorite cereal or my first day at my new job. -- ]

    ...the little kid tomato began to lag behind...

    { ~~ those really were the days. you know most of the time i really was tired. most of the time i really am tired. i just don't want to sleep. I tell myself i can't sleep. instead i just dwell. i dwell on things from years past things from moments past and try to hush them away from my mind by talking nonsense with other people. well, that's not right though, it's not even that talking to other people shuts them up, because it doesn't. they're just as loud during the day as they are at night. the constant nagging of imperfections, images, and inconsistancies. there's generally something to live for during the day. i wouldn't want to stop going foward during the day because people count on me, i wouldn't want people to think i'm a slacker. it's at night when it's the worst...at night when i'm expected to be a slacker, at night when there isn't anyone's expectations to live up to, at night when there just isn't a reason. ~~ }

    ...so the papa tomato notices that the little kid tomato is laggin behind and he turns around - extremely frustrated - and stomps back to the little kid tomato. he lifts up his large foot and stomps on the little kid tomato...

    i don't like the spotlight or attention, but i want you to notice me. i don't want to seem vapid and self-centered but i want you to care about me....but back to that time when we were in that limbo between the wars of best friends and the distance of an aquaintance, i'm not sure of the exact moment, but i know it was right around then that i was actually scared to sleep, i was scared of what i might dream, of what might seem impossible, i was scared of life. more importantly i was scared that you wouldn't be there. i was scared that you'd go away in the worst way possible. so i couldn't let that happen...at least now i know that i subconsciously realized then that i couldn't let that happen. i stopped you from leaving. I left you first. you would've eventually left me anyway i didn't want to take it at different speeds, i didn't want to be constantly believing a lie if pretty soon, even that lie would be gone.

    ....after which the papa tomato says "ketch up".

    we grow older and people change then we all die...in between there somewhere we move apart...i never wanted to have to remember the moving apart thing, i wanted to remember us perfect and happy...i left with my memories....remember?