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  • here i am alone
    Adam Blackrock
    14 Jan 2003

    Here I am lost
    My voice faltering in this empty room
    Choking in the shifting sunlight
    Desperate for our rain to come
    Able to think of nothing else but the suicide strength I wish my words had.
    Miles away, across the seas of time, my family continues as I do.
    What am I doing here? Al I want is power, and now I've put a price on my future and my happiness
    Kill for the strength to not need anyone else, and stand like a pillar in the face of the fast incoming tide. But that's not me.
    I have too much love to forsake them all. And I know I can't have both. That weakness makes me strong. My heart splits for them even when they are well

    And only days ago we lay alone and the world stood still.

    This rending that now rises and spirals from my stomach, surges through my throat and hammers on my eyes, begging for eats, was put to a stop.
    And I could have stayed there forever, eyes closed, feeling only each other breathe. How can it be that I would loose that because I am lonely, because I want power, and money, when that perfect thing is but a simple journey away. We do these things because we are told to do them. Those around us say "but you can't be serious, "that will never work"

    You're too young

    So we fail. We have but one chance at our lives

    I will see Paris with her.

    My life will be long after my education, but I t will be worth nothing unless I start now.

    I've found my comrades, my family well never leave me , I've found love. How can it be that I can sit lonely in this sunbathed auditorium and wonder where we might be if we had courage?

    We are all cowards
    Give me a perilous existence
    Teach me about happiness
    My life is above fortune.

    And if it all crumbles. Splits and renders. Leaving me broken. Won't i be stronger for it? Won't it teach my soul to suffer as well as love?

    The current has steered our lives for too long. We've created so many rules for a game that has none. And we follow them like the penalty is death. Never with enough strength to question where they come fro, or what good they are.