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Utter Stupidity - QuotesI am glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper and put them in my mouth. Believe half of what you see and nothing of what you hear. The next time I send a damn fool on an errand, I'll go myself. I know you think you understand what you thought you heard me say, but what you think you heard me say is not really what I meant. Giving birth is easy; it's just like pissing a watermelon. I'm only going one way. No diving allowed. warning label on Hot Tub Here lies the body of John Mound Lost at sea and never found. A rabbi, a priest, and a duck walked into a bar. The bartender looked up and said, "What is this? A joke?" Radar: Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees. Pilot: Roger, but we are at 35.000 feet, how much noise can we make up here? Radar: Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707 makes when it hits a 727? Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies. I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?" "A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spiderwebs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Chair lifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa "Too many rocks in the mountains." actual comments left in 1997 on U. S. Forest Service registration sheets and comment cards by backpa Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Fred for being. It was his father's fault. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please ackuse Fred being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and 33. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Fred from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Fred for being absent. He had a cold and could not breed well. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. Poor Excuse for Excuses Fred was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing area. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Fred Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Mary. She is having problems with her ovals. Poor Excuse for Excuses Please excuse Fred from being absent yesterday. He had Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Poor Excuse for Excuses John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Poor Excuse for Excuses Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others. For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Did you hear about the insomniac, neurotic, agnostic dyslexic? He stayed up all night worrying about the existence of Dog. Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? |
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