Fortis' Three Great Life in Life:

1. Money isn't everything.
2. It's greaty to be born in a ghetto.
3. I'm only going to put it in a little way.

King Solomon's Law for 500th Wife:
          It's going to be plenty soft for you.

Johnny Carson's Observation on Geriatrics:
          Sex in the sities is great, but it improves if you pull over to the side of the road.

Dr. Stolf's Three Great Happinesses of Life:

1. Breaking wind in church and sitting in own phew.
2. A martini before and a cigarette afterward.
3. Coming.

Grandma Soderquist's Observation:
          More farm families got their start in the hayloft than ever did in the farmhouse.

The Single Club Law:
          If computer dating fails, just trust to lust.

Dean's Law:
          Better to have flunked your Wasserman, than never to have loved at all.

The New-Product Syndrome:
          The longer you sleep with your dream girl, the harder it it to kiss her good-by.

The Shrink's Assessment:
          There's no point in worrying about apathy when you can't care less.

Bula's Basic Belief:
          "Love for Sale" may not be a bad song title, but in commerce, it would constitute a misrepresentation of service.

Kelley's Observation:

1. There's one major difference between the modern girl and her mother - the former goes ahead and does what the latter always wanted to do.
2. Dancing is wonderful training for girls. It's the first way they learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it.

Larkin's Law:
          Sex is only dirty - if it's done right.

Zall's Law:
          A dirty book is seldom dusty.

Westlake's Sage Remark:
          Love is never having to say how much.

Brandstadt's Observation:
          Sin now - pray later.

Billings' Notes:

1. Sex has no calories.
2. Infants don't have as much fun in infancy as adult do in adultery.
3. A dirty old man is just a sexually active senior citizen.
4. Kissing a man without a mustache is like eating an egg without salt.

Kessell's Law:
          If a man writes a better book, preaches a better sermon, or beds a better whore than his neighbour, though he builds his domicile deep in the woods, the world will beat a path to his door to find out who the better whore was.

Bula's Truism:
          Love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage, so the sooner we get these obsolete forms of transport back, the better.

The Birth-Control Law:
          If a birth control device is going to fail, it will do so on the thirteenth or fourteenth day between two given periods.

Steiner's Statement:
          Both business and love require the temperament of a vampire conbines with the discretion of an anemone.

The Nudist Colony Rule:
          Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

Clarke's Conclusion:
          Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.

Hart's Homily:
          Virginity can be cured.

An Italian Proverb:
          She who is silent consents.

Draper's Law:
          A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.

The "Just Say No" Law:
          Don't be a girl who gives long explanations as to why she "doesn't" - or before you're done explaining, you'll wind up one the "does."

Frank's Law:
          Sex is a misdemeanor - the more you miss, da' meaner you get.

Hayden's Homilies:

1. No matter how much cats fight, there are always plenty of kittens.
2. Insanity might be inherited - you get if from your kids.
3. No one should boast of his integrity until he has a good chance to be dishonest.
4. You can become so accustomed to tension that when things get calm, you become nervous.
5. Love is like hash - you have to have confidence in it before you enjoy it.
6. Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Borland's Postulates:

1. Birth control is avoiding the issue.
2. The streetwalker's dog is a whore hound.

Van's Conclusions:

1. Marriage vows: promise to love, honor, and stimulate the economy.
2. Two's company and three's the result.
3. Concerning love-making: in the thirties it was the rumble seat, in the forties the back seat, in the fifties the reclining front seat, in the sixties the camper, and in the seventies - it's where ever the mood strikes.

Mark's Mark:
          Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Miller's Law:
          You cannot tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.

Barlow's Nature Thoughts:

1. Most fish shyly swish, but jellyfish can only squish.
2. Turtles never hurtle.

Oler's Apothegm:
          The genuineness of a couple's affection for each other is inversely proportional to the cuteness of their pet names for each other.

Van Roy's Postulate:
          Love is like a pair of socks - you have to have two, and they gotta match.

Korman's Conclusion:
          The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come again.