Quotes [new quotes]
JOHN: This is Constantine. John Constantine, asshole.
CHAZ: There are four bags. I have two hands. This give you any ideas?
JOHN: Make two trips?
CHAZ: Simple question. How much longer do I have to be your slave?
JOHN: You're not my slave, Chaz. You're my very appreciated assistant. Like Tonto and Robin and that skinny fellow with the fat friend.
CHAZ: How much longer?
JOHN: Well I don't know, what's the going rate for saving a taxi driver hanging from his fingernails about to be swallowed into the jaws of Hell?
JOHN: No -- I've beaten things, insurmountable things, things most people have never even heard of and after all that you think I'm going to be done in by THIS?
DR. ARCHER: You wouldn't be the first, John.
JOHN: It can't be that simple. I mean come on, Les, you saved me before. You can do it again, right.
DR. ARCHER: This is different. This is aggressive. Twenty years ago you didn't want to be here. Now you don't want to leave.
JOHN: That's because I know exactly where I'm going this time.
ELLIE: Don't worry, John, you'll beat this. You beat everything.
JOHN: Not this time, Ellie.
ELLIE: Oh wow, you're serious... No wonder the Boss is in such a good mood.
JOHN: Yeah, I thought maybe you could talk to him for me. You know...?
ELLIE: What?! Dammit, John, I know I owe you but to even ASK that? All those saints and martyrs slipping through his grasp -- his own foot soldiers sent back to him in chunks. He's going to take all that out on you, John, and he's going to enjoy ripping your soul to shreds until the end of time.
JOHN: So I take that as a 'no?'
ELLIE: You're the one soul the man himself would actually come up here to collect.
GABRIEL: I know what you want, son.
JOHN: Been keeping your all-seeing eye on me, have you?
GABRIEL: I could offer how a shepherd leads even the most wayward of his flock but it might sound disingenuous.
JOHN: So you're going to make me beg?
GABRIEL: It wouldn't help. You've already wasted your chance at redemption.
JOHN: What about the minions I've sent back, the souls that I've saved -- that should guarantee my passage across --
GABRIEL: -- No -- passage requires faith and faith by definition is belief without proof. You have proof. And that means you're not playing by the same rules as everyone else. Your work has mostly been for selfish reasons. I'm sorry.
JOHN: This is bullshit -- bullshit! It's like you've got some cosmic scale weighing everything we do -- help an old lady across the street -- put in a nickel, kick a dog, take out a dime -- you're fucking nickel and diming us to death down here!
GABRIEL: Keep your voice down.
JOHN: And you know what, you're the ones with the problem, not us -- You make these impossible rules to decide who goes up, who goes down and you don't even understand us --
GABRIEL: Each of you is born with the promise of salvation preordained. The cost of your redemption is simple belief. And yet you whine about impossible rules. Sometimes I imagine you hardly deserve the gift you have been given.
JOHN: Gift?! More like a curse the way you manage things.
GABRIEL: I am taking your situation into account, John, but don't push me.
JOHN: Why me, Gabriel? It's personal, isn't it? I didn't go to church enough? I didn't pray enough? I was five bucks short in the collection plate? Why?
GABRIEL: You're going to die because you smoked 30 cigarettes a day since you were 15. And you're going to Hell because of the life you took. Or to put it in a way that your kind would understand. You're fucked.
JOHN: He has a rotten sense of humor. And his punch lines are killers.
JOHN: This bastard attacked me right out in the open -- on Sepulveda no less.
MIDNITE: They don't like you, John. You've deported how many back to Hell?
JOHN: That's just it -- this wasn't some possession or wayward half breed, it was a full-fledged demon. Here. On our plane.
JOHN: I know what I saw.
MIDNITE: You must have just crossed over and didn't even realize it --
JOHN: I didn't cross over -- It was on this side. Here.
MIDNITE: -- it's wet out, you're wandering around aimlessly, not to mention completely emotional --
MIDNITE: Okay, so you saw something. We've seen a few small ones slip through now and then.
JOHN: It's more than that... first the girl, then this.
MIDNITE: John, you know my connections. Any shifts or tremors in the planes and I'd hear about it.
JOHN: Something's coming.
ANGELA: My sister always talked about a world better than this. Heaven as some call it. She wasn't afraid of dying because she knew it was waiting for her. What everyone fails to grasp is that if she had really taken her own life --
JOHN: -- she would have committed a mortal sin and her soul would have gone straight to Hell where it would never feel love or compassion or anything but pain again as the master himself rips her apart over and over for the rest of eternity.
JOHN: How open is your mind? Do you believe in Heaven and Hell? How about what comes out of each? Hey!
ANGELA: You mean like angels?
JOHN: And demons. See, you don't have the mindset for this kind of work.
ANGELA: Look, I see terrible things every day. A mother drowns her baby. A ten-year-old shoots his father. But it's not demons, it's the evil that men do.
JOHN: You're right, we're capable of terrible things but we usually justify it with motives like money and power and jealousy. Then sometimes, something comes along and gives us just the right nudge and we do truly evil things just for the kick of it.
ANGELA: I don't believe in demons.
JOHN: You should. They believe in us.
JOHN: 'I accidentally crossed over?' I don't think so.
ANGELA: What was that? I saw wings -- and teeth -- they were flying. What the hell were those things?!
JOHN: They weren't angels. Seplavites, actually. Scavengers for the damned. Demons?
ANGELA: What? You can't be serious... this is impossible...
JOHN: Yeah... And I don't think they were after me...
JOHN: You really believe she wouldn't commit suicide?
ANGELA: My sister? Never in a million years.
JOHN: Let's be sure.
JOHN: Simple. See if she's in Hell.
JOHN: When I was a kid, I saw things... Things I wasn't supposed to. My parents sent me to a doctor, a shrink, a priest. I was in four different institutions by the time I was eighteen. The last place they put me was run by a church... The revered Father made the brilliant deduction that I was possessed, said I needed to be exorcised... It was like someone trying to pull teeth that weren't there. So I took things into my own hands and I found a way out.
ANGELA: You attempted suicide.
JOHN: I never attempt anything.
ANGELA: But you're still here. Alive.
JOHN: Not my doing. Officially I was dead for seven minutes. But believe me, seven minutes in Hell is a lifetime. When I returned I didn't just see demons anymore, I could do the one thing they couldn't -- come and go as I please.
JOHN: Heaven and Hell are right here, behind every wall, every face -- the world behind the world. It's crossing over that's the real trick. That's why most demons can only whisper in our ears. But even a whisper can turn your favorite pleasure into your worst nightmare.
But the worst demons are the ones that are allowed to be here -- the ones that are half-human so they blend in... just like those with the angel's touch living alongside of us. The half-breeds.
They call it 'the Balance.' I call it hypocritical bullshit.
So when one of them gets a little cocky, peddles their influence or hijacks a soul -- I deport their scaly ass right back to Hell. I don't get them all but maybe enough to insure my retirement.
ANGELA: Sounds like you're trying to buy your way into Heaven.
JOHN: Well, what would you do if you were sentenced to a prison where half the inmates were put there by you?
ANGELA: Why you? I mean many go to Hell, why were you able to escape?
JOHN: I don't know.
ANGELA: God has a plan for all of us.
JOHN: Not for me.
JOHN: You don't walk off a building without leaving something behind.
ANGELA: You saw everything she left behind. In that box.
JOHN: Maybe she left something else. Something more personal. Just for you. You were her twin, Angela. Twins tend to think alike.
ANGELA: I'm not like my sister.
JOHN: But you were at once time. When you were kids. When you'd spend every waking hour with each other. You'd start a sentence, she'd finish it. You'd get hurt, she'd cry.
ANGELA: That was a long time ago...
JOHN: That kind of bond doesn't just disappear.
ANGELA: There's nothing here.
JOHN: She planned her death in this room, she thought it up right where you're standing -- She knew you'd come -- She counted on you to see what she saw, to feel what she felt -- to do what she did. What did she do, Angela?
ANGELA: How should I know?
JOHN: What did she do, Angela?
ANGELA: I don't know!
JOHN: What would you do? What would you leave her? What would it be? Where would it be?! Where would it be?
ANGELA: The tree.
JOHN: 'COR 14:01.'
ANGELA: There is no 14h act in Corinthians.
JOHN: I need a church.
JOHN: Corinthians goes to 21 acts in the book of Ethenius. It's like a dark mirror of the Bible. It paints a different view of Revelations, says that the world will not come to an end at the hand of God but be reborn in the embrace of the damned.
ANGELA: There's a difference?
JOHN: Depends on which side of the fence you're standing.
ANGELA: So why haven't I seen this book before?
JOHN: Because it doesn't exist here on this side.
ANGELA: -- not here on this side? Where did that come from?
JOHN: 13:29. 13:30 -- Here... Corinthians 14:01... 'The sins of the father would only be exceeded by the ego of the son.'
ANGELA: Whose son?
JOHN: Symbol isn't a demon's... that's why I couldn't place it... not a normal possession...
ANGELA: John, what are you talking about?
JOHN: But he can't cross over -- impossible for the son to cross over...
ANGELA: Whose son? God's?
JOHN: No. The other one. Lucifer had a son too.
JOHN: The myth says Mammon was conceived before his father's fall from grace but was born after. But unlike his old man, he's never been in the presence of the Creator so he has no fear of him, no respect either. That goes double for us -- God's most prized creations. Mammon would be the last demon we'd everwant crossing over.
ANGELA: But demons can't come and go, that's what you said.
JOHN: Unless they found a bridge. Some psychic with the chops to reach all the way to Hell and the grit to withstand whatever shit she'd pull out.
JOHN: But even a bridge wouldn't help Mammon. Because to cross over, the myth says he'd still need the one thing he could never get. Divine assistance. The help of God.
ANGELA: So it's impossible.
JOHN: Impossible? Sure it's impossible. That's what makes it so dangerous. These things exist to break the rules, to find the loopholes. If the past is any indication, then the future isn't on our side.
ANGELA: She knew. That's why she killed herself. But it doesn't make sense...
JOHN: Makes sense to me.
ANGELA: John, she sacrificed herself to beat him. Why is she in Hell?
JOHN: You do this, there's no turning back. You see them -- they see you. Understand?
ANGELA: Do I take off my clothes or leave them on? John?
JOHN: I'm thinking.
JOHN: On is fine.
ANGELA: Why water?
JOHN: It's the universal conduit. Lubricates the transition from one plane to another. Now ask me if there's water in Hell.
ANGELA: Can you kill him? What about the Balance?
JOHN: That half-breed tipped my scales when he started killing my friends. I'm just adding a little counterweight.
BALTHAZAR: I will see you very soon...
JOHN: Not really, no.
BALTHAZAR: You can't cheat it this time... you're going back to Hell.
JOHN: True. But you're not.
BALTHAZAR: What are you doing?
JOHN: I'm reading you your last rites.
BALTHAZAR: Your remedial incantations have no relevance to my kind.
JOHN: Aren't you half human? You see, that makes you eligible to be forgiven. You do know what it is to truly be forgiven? To be welcomed into the kingdom of God? A demon in heaven -- love to be a fly on that wall...
BALTHAZAR: You're not a priest, you have no power...
JOHN: -- I escaped hell, who else do you know that has the power to do that?!
JOHN: Just tell me how Mammon is crossing over and you can go back to your shithole. 'May the merciful God have mercy on you and grant you the pardon of all your sins... Whosoever sins you remit on earth they are remitted unto them in heaven. I absolve you from -- '
BALTHAZAR: -- It may not even work...
JOHN: How? How's he doing it?! 'Grant your child entry into thy kingdom in the name of the Father, and the Son and the Holy Gh -- '
BALTHAZAR: ... Sangre de dio.
BALTHAZAR: What killed the Son of God will give birth to the son of the devil.
JOHN: He's found the Spear.
BALTHAZAR: One more chance...
JOHN: Jesus didn't die from being nailed to a cross. He was finished off by a soldier's spear.
ANGELA: I'm Catholic, John -- I know the crucifixion story.
JOHN: Then you know what this spear would mean to a demon trying to cross over. The stains on its edges? Mammon needed divine assistance -- how's the blood of God's only son?
MIDNITE: Mammon has been trying to climb out of his father's shadow for eons.
JOHN: And this time he might just make it.
MIDNITE: Because he's got the Spear?
JOHN: And the bridge.
MIDNITE: You're giving this girl way too much credit.
JOHN: You don't know her.
MIDNITE: And you do? That would be a first.
JOHN: What's in your bathroom, a Renoir?
MIDNITE: I have insurance issues. You haven't surfed in decades.
JOHN: Like riding a bike...
MIDNITE: You'll be lucky to reach an elemental plane.
JOHN: Then just increase the juice.
MIDNITE: In your condition your body won't take much.
JOHN: I just need enough rope to find her.
MIDNITE: And if you do -- what then?
JOHN: One goddamn problem at a time --
MIDNITE: Listen to my voice inside... I'll try and guide you out.
MIDNITE: Mammon was forced out of that girl when she jumped so unless he found a holding vessel to wait in, he would have fallen back to Hell.
JOHN: No, he's still here. I'm sure of it.
MIDNITE: Then watch yourself. He could be in anyone out there.
VOICE OF MAN: Your ego is astounding.
JOHN: Gabriel? Figures... And the wicked shall inherit the Earth.
GABRIEL: You presume to judge me, John.
JOHN: Betrayal, murder, genocide? Call me provincial.
GABRIEL: I am seeking to inspire humankind to be all that was intended.
JOHN: By unleashing Hell on Earth? Good thinking...
GABRIEL: You've had it too easy for too long.
JOHN: So what's a few thousand years of pain, right?
GABRIEL: You never deserved to be blessed. You've all been born with a silver spoon in your mouth, never really appreciating the gift you were given so freely -- unconditional love from your creator.
JOHN: And that just bugs the shit out of you.
GABRIEL: It's not your fault. Like the animals you are, you never learn unless sufficiently prodded. Pleasure has no lasting effect. But subject you to pain, unpleasantness -- suffering -- and you will take notice, you will fight to overcome, to earn your redemption. That is when you're at your best.Angela's fingernails are starting to darken once again.
JOHN: You're trying to teach us a lesson?
GABRIEL: No, I'm giving you the chance to rise above the suffering and truly earn the love of God. The road to salvation begins
JOHN: ... I know I'm not one of your favorites... I'm not even allowed in your house these days... but I could use a little attention...
SATAN: The time has come at last to collect your soul. Hello, John.
JOHN: You're early.
SATAN: You're the one show I wouldn't miss.
JOHN: So I've heard.
SATAN: I didn't think you'd make the same mistake twice.
SATAN: You didn't, did you?
JOHN: ... so how's your son?
SATAN: And why would that matter to you?
JOHN: ... he's topside...
SATAN: I know.
JOHN: With Gabriel.
SATAN: Your point?
JOHN: He's helping your son create his own Hell on Earth...
SATAN: Well, boys will be boys...
JOHN: He has the Spear of Destiny.
SATAN: This is another one of your cons.
JOHN: Go look for yourself... You've waited twenty years for me, what's another twenty seconds?
SATAN: Say goodbye to the sun -- both of you.
SATAN: So... what do you want? An extension?
SATAN: What about her?
JOHN: ... let her... go home...
SATAN: You would give up your life so she could go to Heaven? Fine. It's done.
SATAN: The sacrifice!! No!!!! THIS ONE BELONGS TO ME!! You will live, John Constantine, you will live so you'll have the chance to prove that your soul truly belongs in Hell. You will live!
JOHN: Human... You don't deserve to be human.
GABRIEL: Then pass judgment on me now. Do it. Seek revenge. End my life. Kill me! Pull the trigger! Be the hand of God!
JOHN: ... and I'll be condemned again...
GABRIEL: Do it!
JOHN: You're even worthless as bait.
GABRIEL: Deny your true nature today, but what of tomorrow, of the tomorrow after that? It is only a matter of time before you end up right back where you belong. It is who you are, Constantine. Damned.
JOHN: That's called pain. Get used to it.
JOHN: Some people are born to make a difference. I had to die. Twice.
God does work in mysterious ways.
Some people like it...
Some people don't.
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