Taoism:
Shit happens.
If you can shit, it isn't shit.
Shit happens, so flow with it.
Hare Krishna:
Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding.
She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with she-it)
Please this flower and buy our shit.
Confucianism:
Confucious say, "Shit happens".
Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY."
Buddhism:
If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
If shit happens, it isn't really happening TO anyone.
Shit will happen again to you next time.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will have salvation.
Zen:
What is the sound of shit happening?
7th Day Adventism:
Shit happens on Saturdays.
Hinduism:
I've seen this shit happening before.
This shit is not a religion, it is the way of life.
This shit happening IS you.
Protestantism:
If shit happens, it happens to someone else.
If shit happens, praise the lord for it!
Presbyterianism:
This shit was bound to happen.
Calvinism:
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Episcopalianism:
If shit happens, hold a procession.
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist:
It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Lutheranism:
Shit happens, but as long as you're sorry, it's OK.
Have faith that shit will happen.
If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Anglicanism:
It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.
Quakers:
Let us not fight over this shit.
Catholicism:
If shit happens, you deserved it.
You were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit.
Charismatic Catholicism:
Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway.
Judaism:
Why does shit always happen just before closing the deal?
Conservative Judaism:
Why does shit always happen to US?
Reform Judaism:
Got any laxatives?
Shit happens to whom it may concern.
Orthodox Judaism:
So shit happens, already!
Islam:
We don't take any shit.
Sunni Islam:
If it happens to be shit, it's Allah's will and you'd better submit!
Shiite happens.
Shi'ite Islam:
WE WILL DESTROY YOUR SHIT!
If shit happens, take a hostage.
Nation of Islam:
Don't take no shit!
New Age:
That's not shit, it's feldspar.
A firm shit does not happen to me.
This isn't shit if I really believe it's chocolate.
I create my own shit.
If shit happens, honor it and share it.
Sheeeeeeeeeeit!
We're all part of the same shit.
For $300, we can help you get in touch with your inner shit.
Wicca:
If shit happened once, it will happen twice more.
The Goddess makes shit happen.
And it harm none, let shit happen.
Jehovah's Witnesses:
No shit happens until Armaggedon.
There is only a limited amount of good shit.
Knock Knock, "Shit Happens."
Here, we insist you take our shit.
Shit happens door to door.
Open the door and I'll show you what shit is.
Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
Secular Humanism:
Shit evolves.
Darwinism:
Survival of the shittiest.
This shit was once food.
Creationism:
... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there came piles of it.
After six days of this shit, He rested.
Christian Science:
When shit happens, don't call a doctor--pray.
Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it.
Our shit will take care of itself.
Shit happens in your mind.
Atheism:
I don't believe this shit!
Shit doesn't happen. Shit is dead.
No shit!
It looks and smells like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it.
Religion from an Atheist's point of view:
I haven't smelt, seen, touched, or tasted it. But it's shit.
Agnosticism:
It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether it's shit or not.
What is this shit?!
I don't know shit!
How can we KNOW if shit happens?
You can't prove any of this shit!
Rastafarianism:
Let's smoke this shit!
Hey, this is good shit, mon.
Mormonism:
If shit happens, shun it.
Let the shit multiply.
Excrement happens. (you can't say 'shit' in Utah)
Hey, there's more shit happening over here!
God sent us this shit.
Shit happens again & again & again ...
Energizer Bunny:
Shit happens and happens and happens and ...
Baptist:
You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for it.
We'll wash the shit right off you.
Southern Baptist:
Shit will happen. Praise the lord!
Shiite Baptist:
Shit will happen, but only the way we say it will happen and if it doesn't happen we will make it happen because that's God's will and we know it...
Iraqi Baathist:
Oh shit!
Voodoo:
Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
Let's stick some pins in this shit!
This shit's gonna get you!
Televangelism:
Your tax-deductible donation could make this shit stop happening...
Congregationalism:
Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarianism:
Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
What is this Shit?
We affirm the right for shit to happen.
Go ahead, shit anywhere you want.
It's not the shit that matters. It's the process.
Come let us reason together about this shit.
Orthodox:
St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.
Greek Orthodox:
Shit happens, usually in threes.
EST:
I am at cause that shit will not happen.
You're responsible for all the shit that happens.
Fundamentalism:
There's no shit in the Bible.
If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Shit happens, but don't publish it.
Twelve Step:
Shit happens one day at a time.
Amish:
Shit is good for the soil.
This modern shit is worthless.
Native Americans:
Shit is sacred when it happens.
Shintoism:
You inherit the shit of your ancestors.
Sushi happens.
Moonies:
Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism:
This shit happening is good for me.
Zoroastrianism:
Shit happens half the time.
Christianity stole half its shit from us.
Bahaism:
Why do you keep shitting on us?
Shit happens universally.
Mysticism:
This is really weird shit.
Paganism:
Shit happens for a variety of reasons.
Rajhneesh:
Give us your shit and put on this orange shit.
Rosicrucianism:
What is this AMORC shit?
Satanism:
We hope bad shit happens to all of you.
We will make your shit happen.
SNEPPAH TIHS.
Witchcraft:
Mix this shit together and it will happen!
Scientology:
All this happens to be shit.
If you leave us, bad shit will happen to you.
This shit happened before, but we can clean it up if you pay us enough.
Feminism:
This shit happened before, and WE won't clean it up!
Shamanism:
Whoaa... Holy Shit!
Sikhism:
Leave our shit alone.
Moilanenism:
Smells like shit of finnish fish.
Sureshism:
You are all pieces of shit.
Lubavitcher Hassidism:
Blessed are they upon whom He sends His most holy Shit to happen.
Mithraism:
Bull shit happens.
Branch Davidianism:
May shit happen to the FBI!
If shit happens, have a BIG barbecue...
David thinks he's hot shit.
Jesuitism:
If shit happens and nobody hears it, did it really make a sound?
Divorcism:
She's full of shit!
He's fooling around with some worthless piece of shit.
Creation Science:
Shit has only been happening since October 23rd 4004 B.C.
Discordianism:
Shit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
Kibology:
What's shit, and where can I get some?
Spam:
Spam happens.
SubGenius:
Shit has happened. For $20 "BoB" will sell you a way to MAKE MONEY FROM IT.
Dianetics:
"Why does shit happen?"