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GIB: Harry Tasker wallet. Harry Tasker passport. Plane ticket stub, hotel receipt, Tasker. Two postcards of Lake Geneva. House keys. Souvenir snowing Swiss village.
HARRY: What's this for? GIB: For Dana, schmuck. Bring your kid something. You know. The dad thing.
HELEN: The plumber came yesterday. He said they have to dig under the slab or something and it's going to be six hundred dollars to fix. HARRY: Uh huh. Okay. HELEN: It's not okay. It's extortion. HARRY: What did you tell him? HELEN: I slept with him and he knocked off a hundred bucks. HARRY: Good thinking, honey.
GIB: Kids. Ten seconds of joy. Thirty years of misery. HARRY: She knows not to steal. I've taught her better than that. GIB: Yeah, but you're not her parents, anymore, you and Helen. Her parents are Axl Rose and Madonna. The five minutes you spend a day with her can't compete with that kind of constant bombardment. You're outgunned, amigo.
GIB: See, kids now are ten years ahead of where we were at the same age. You probably think she's still a virgin-- HARRY: Don't be ridiculous. She's only -- how old is she? GIB: Fourteen, Harry. HARRY: Right. She's only fourteen. GIB: Uh huh. And her little hormones are going like a fire alarm. I say even money that physicist on the bike is boinkin' her. HARRY: No way. Not Dana. GIB: Okay. Okay. De-nail ain't just a river in Egypt. She's probably stealing the money to pay for an abortion. HARRY: Will you just open the door! GIB: Or drugs.
TRILBY: Jesus, Harry! You guys really screwed the pooch last night. Please tell me how I can look at this, that it's not a total pooch- screw. HARRY: Total is a strong word-- GIB: There are degrees of totality.
ALLISON: Girlfriend, you got a man. You just have to take control... set up the right mood. HELEN: Harry only has two moods: busy... and asleep.
HARRY: You know you can always talk to me. Right? Whatever is going on in your life, your mom and I'll understand. DANA: Okay, Dad. HARRY: You'd tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you, pumpkin? DANA: I'm not a pumpkin! Okay?!! Do I look even remotely like a pumpkin?! I'm not a muffin, or a cupcake or a honeybear either! And you don't understand anything Dad...
HARRY: Abu Kaleem Malik. GIB: Hardcore, highly fanatical, ultra- fundamentalist. Linked to numerous car-bombings, that cafe bomb in Rome, and the 727 out of Lisbon last year. Major player. FAISIL: Now he's formed his own splinter faction called CRIMSON JIHAD. GIB: Guess he thought the other terrorist groups were too warm and fuzzy for his taste. FAISIL: They call him "The Sand Spider". TRILBY: Why? FAISIL: Probably because it sounds scary.
HARRY: She's having an affair. GIB: Congratulations. Welcome to the club. HARRY: It can't be. Not Helen. GIB: Nobody believes it can happen to them. HARRY: It can't be. GIB: Same thing happened to me with wife two. I had no idea until I came home and the house was empty. I mean empty. She even took the ice-cube trays from the fridge. What kind of person would think of that?
VOICE (HARRY): I said SIT DOWN. Who do you work for? HELEN: Kettleman, Barnes and McGrath. I'm a legal secretary. VOICE (HARRY): Of course. Mrs. Tasker. And what were you going with the international terrorist, Carlos the Jackal? Taking dictation?
HELEN: There's so much I wanted to do in this life, and it's like I haven't done any of it. And the sand's running out of the hourglass. I want to be able to look back and say: See! I did that. It was wild and it was reckless and outrageous and I fucking did it! And I frankly don't give a shit if you understand this or not. HARRY: There is only one solution to your problem, Mrs. Tasker. You must work for us. GIB: Oh shit. Harry... what're you doing? HARRY: I'm giving her an assignment. I am offerring you a choice. If you work for us we will drop the charges and you can go back to your normal life. If not, you will go to federal prison, and your husband and daughter will be left humiliated and alone. Your like will be destroyed. HELEN: Oh, gee thanks. Mmmm, let me see-- HARRY: Yes or no. HELEN: What do you think? Of course yes!
HARRY: Think carefully. You will be lying to the man you love. The person who trusts you the most. HELEN: I can do it! HARRY: The code name of your contact will be Boris. Your code name will be-- HELEN: Natasha? HARRY: No. Doris.
HARRY: You son of a bitch. Did you really think you could elude us forever, Carlos? SIMON: Wait! You got the wrong guy. My name's Simon. Look, just let me go. There's no need to kill me. I haven't seen your -- face. Shit! Shit!!
HARRY: There are going to be some changes Dana. You're going to start following some rules. And I'm going to be there to see that you do. DANA: Yeah, right. HARRY: You're going to stay in school. Do you understand? DANA: Why? So I can wind up like you? HARRY: Did I tell you about the time we first met? You were quite young at the time. All wet and still attached to your mom by a cord. You opened your eyes and looked right at me. And I knew then I would always love you with all my heart. Somewhere along the way I got lost, honey. I forgot about what was really important. I'm sorry pump -- I mean -- Dana, regarding this singing -- You were pretty good.
HARRY/ DANA: "I've been waiting so long To be where I'm going In the sunshine of your looooove." DANA: Dad, how come you know the words? HARRY: Honey that song came out in 1968, when I was exactly your age. DANA: Unbelievable! Trent told me he wrote it. He's history.
HARRY: ... and I can verify that they have the arming box and all equipment necessary to detonate the four warheads. This is absolutely the real thing, gentlemen. MALIK: You have killed our women and children, bombed our cities from afar like cowards, and dare to call us terrorists. But now the Oppressed have been given a mighty sword, to strike back at their enemies. Unless the US pulls all military forces out of the Persian Gulfarea, immediately and forever, Crimson Jihad will rain fire on one major US city each week until these demands are met... First one weapon will be detonated on this uninhabited island as a demonstration of Crimson Jihad's power and our willingness to be humanitarian. However, if there demands are not-- CAMERAMAN: Battery, Abu. MALIK: Get another one, you moron!
HELEN: What did he give you? HARRY: Sodium amytal, maybe some other truth agent. HELEN: It makes you tell the truth? HARRY: Yes. HELEN: Is it working yet? HARRY: Ask me a question I would normally lie to. HELEN: Are we going to die? HARRY: Yup. HELEN: I'd say it's working. HARRY: They'll either torture us to death, shoot us in the head, or leave us until the bomb goes off. HELEN: Okay, okay. I get it. How long have you been a spy, Harry? HARRY: 17 years. HELEN: My God. Have you had to... have sex with other women in the line of duty? HARRY: I don't take those assignments. HELEN: What about Juno? HARRY: She's really a fox, isn't she? HELEN: Did you pork her Harry? HARRY: No. But I wanted to. HELEN: Are you a total lying, scumsucking pig Harry? HARRY: Looks that way.
SAMIR: Is there anything you would like to tell me before we start? HARRY: Yes. I'm going to kill you pretty soon. SAMIR: I see. How exactly? HARRY: Well, I thought I'd break your neck, then use you as a human shield, then kill the guard with that knife there on your table and take his gun. SAMIR: And what makes you think you can do all that? HARRY: Because I picked the lock on these handcuffs...
HELEN: Tell me something before this stuff wears off and you start lying again. HARRY: What? HELEN: Do you still love me? HARRY: Yes. HELEN: As much as you used to? HARRY: No. Much more.
HELEN: I married Rambo. CAMERAMAN: Tape is rolling. MALIK: This is a communique from Crimson Jihad. You have heard from your own expert. You have seen the Holy fire with your own eyes. Do not force us to destroy this city. And do not try to use force against us. I can trigger this bomb instantly. All I have to do is turn that key... and five million of your people will die. REPORTER: What key? MALIK: That key right there! Someone has stolen the key!
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