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    12 Nov 2007

    There's a lack of something in my life these days. A hollow aching to be filled, yearning for somewhat. I'm a goal oriented person so not knowing whats wrong, what I need to do to fix it makes things worse. I find myself taking chances, doing things I wouldn't usually do, things I don't like doing. In a desperate cry for attention, just a little bit...because it's hard to see anyone paying attention.
    I feel like that lonely teenager, who wants to rebel, but I'm past that stage or should be. Perhaps emotionally not. I don't know where I'm going these days, but I know I can't stay here. Not and stay sane or stay alive. Its the gerbil...gotta keep moving, even if you get nowhere. I don't like my options right now. I don't like the lack of choice. I don't like the darkness. I don't like the confusion.