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Insults - Quotes

Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Billy Madison

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Oscar Wilde

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

If you make an ass out of yourself, there will always be someone to ride you.

Bruce Lee

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Mark Twain

Some think I wink at them when I shut my eyes to avoid their sight.

Kahlil Gibran

(contributed by apen)

I like half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve!

J.R.R. Tolkien
Lord of the Rings

(contributed by Jason)

You know why you hate me so much, Jeffery? Because I look the way you feel.

Joe Pesci (Simon B. Wilder)
With Honors

(contributed by Jason)

Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Oscar Wilde

If I wanted to punish you, I'd hold up a mirror.

Judge Henry Bone

While there's no 'I' in team, there's also no 'you', okay? So back off.

Craig Kilborn
The Daily Show

(contributed by Sara J.)

Politicians who complain about the media are like sailors who complain about the sea.

Enoch Powell

Nothing in recent years, on television or anywhere else, has improved on a good story that begins "Once upon a time..."

William J. Bennett
The Children's Book of Virtues

It's nice to be stupid, but it's stupid to be nice.

(contributed by Rasmus Tretow)

I could dance with you until the cows come home... on second thoughts, I'll dance with the cows and you go home.

Groucho Marx

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

Dennis Wholey

When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.

Jonathan Swift
Thoughts on Various Subjects

Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, 'I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease'. Disraeli replied, 'That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'

Mother Nature is a bitch.

God must love stupid people, He made so many of them.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

The ignorant always seem so certain and the intelligent so uncertain.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

He who laughs last has no sense of humour.

I am not a figment of your collective diseased imagination.

Laura Valentine

You are as innocent as a new-fallen snow... on the highway.

Steve Ulrich, to Jen Gray

Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.

Dorothy Parker, when asked why she had not delivered her copy on time.

I married beneath me. All women do.

Lady Nancy Astor, first woman member of the British Parliment

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

A rose by any other name still has thorns.

Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one's head?

Richard Schultz, on soc.culture.jewish

A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Oscar Wilde

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Woody Allen

I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?

"Frank Zappa, ridiculing the ""Tipper Sticker"" (the PRMC ""parental warning"" stickers essentially

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

Oscar Wilde

Don't be humble, you're not that great.

Golda Meir

Your eyebrows are as verdantly forrested as the seeded woodworms of my most sombre dreams.

With the whole world full of fools, there is none who thinks himself one, or even suspects it.

The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

Jane Wagner

Women who seek equality with men, lack ambition.

Every great thinker is someone else's moron.

Umberto Eco

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed...

Mark Twain

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.

Opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one.

Salt 'N Pepa
None of Your Business

Hating something is too much work to do. What you want to do is ignore something. It is more effective.

Sridhar Ramaswamy

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.

William Clayton