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Insults
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
Dennis Wholey When a true genius appears in this world, you may know him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
Jonathan Swift If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humour.
Jason Q. Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, 'I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease'. Disraeli replied, 'That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress.'
Mother Nature is a bitch.
God must love stupid people, He made so many of them.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
The ignorant always seem so certain and the intelligent so uncertain.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
He who laughs last has no sense of humour.
I am not a figment of your collective diseased imagination.
Laura Valentine You are as innocent as a new-fallen snow... on the highway.
Steve Ulrich, to Jen Gray Tell him I've been too fucking busy - or vice versa.
Dorothy Parker, when asked why she had not delivered her copy on time. I married beneath me. All women do.
Lady Nancy Astor, first woman member of the British Parliment I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
Cigarette, n.: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.
A rose by any other name still has thorns.
Has it ever occurred to you that there might be a difference between having an open mind and having holes in one's head?
Richard Schultz, on soc.culture.jewish A cynic is a person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Oscar Wilde If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?
"Frank Zappa, ridiculing the ""Tipper Sticker"" (the PRMC ""parental warning"" stickers essentially Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde Don't be humble, you're not that great.
Golda Meir Your eyebrows are as verdantly forrested as the seeded woodworms of my most sombre dreams.
With the whole world full of fools, there is none who thinks himself one, or even suspects it.
The problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Jane Wagner Women who seek equality with men, lack ambition.
Every great thinker is someone else's moron.
Umberto Eco Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed...
Mark Twain There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
When you're arguing with a fool, make sure he isn't doing the same thing.
Opinions are like assholes and everybody's got one.
Salt 'N Pepa Hating something is too much work to do. What you want to do is ignore something. It is more effective.
Sridhar Ramaswamy The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.
William Clayton The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.
You have a good and kind soul. It just doesn't match the rest of you.
Norm Papernick Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
A committee is a creature with three or more legs and no brain.
Robert Heinlein I am fairly unrepentant about her poetry. I really think that three quarters of it is gibberish. However, I must crush down these thoughts, otherwise the dove of peace will shit on me.
Noel Coward, on Edith Sitwell Don't ask me any questions, because I just might tell you the truth.
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
Flannery O'Connor Never mistake motion for action.
Ernest Hemmingway Stupidity is a personal achievement which transcends national boundaries.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
Albert Einstein I hope life isn't a big joke... because I don't get it.
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