From Whence We Came (112)
Still Crazy After All These Years
Catch and Release
Change of Course
And Eye for an Eye
Truth Be Told
From Whence We Came
It Girls and Beyond
Till We Meat Again
Let Sales Ring
Death By Not Proud
The Black Widow
A Whiff and a Prayer
Men to Boys
Witches of Mass Destruction
Truly Madly, Deeply
Ass Fat Jungle
The Cancer Man Can
Denny Crane: Lock and load. Where is everybody?
Paul Lewiston: This is an administrative meeting, Denny.
Denny Crane: Oh! What the hell am I doing here? He gets up to leave.
Shirley Schmidt: Remember the good ole days when you liked to know what was going on? When you could go from your office to the elevator without a roadmap?
Denny Crane: Didn't need a roadmap to find my way around your body, did I, Shirley?
Shirley Schmidt: I wouldn't know. I was usually asleep.
Denny Crane: I once had her... and Streisand… at the same time. Remember that?
Shirley Schmidt: Hahhh, I do Denny. Ha ha. And not to burst your bubble but that was a female impersonator. Perhaps the penis might have been your cue.
Denny Crane: That wasn't Barbara Streisand?
Sally Heep: Are you in on this?
Denny Crane: Am, am, am I in on this?
Shirley Schmidt: It was my decision. Paul and Denny still remain strong supporters. We're streamlining a little and I have to make some tough calls. I'm sorry.
Sally Heep: How can you come in here, and in one week, fire someone you don't even know?
Shirley Schmidt: I'm Schmidt.
Walter Fife: They didn't just sue the School Board, they sued me personally, which I regard as punitive.
Denny Crane: Walter, I can assure you their Cause of Action is totally baseless.
Walter Fife: I haven't even told you what it is yet.
Denny Crane: I…
Shirley Schmidt: Hi! Shirley Schmidt.
Denny Crane: This is Walter Fife. He's superintendent of Middle Sect School District. He's being sued. What'd you do? Little, touchy feely with a student?
Walter Fife: What? God no! What, what kind of question is that?
Denny Crane: Oh lighten up. Let's all sit. Shirley here is a senior partner, so you're in good hands, you got both Shirley and umh…
Shirley Schmidt: You!
Denny Crane: Me! Right. Good. Okay. Now. Look. I'm gonna ask you something. It's gonna be a question. And I want a direct answer. No matter how difficult.
Walter Fife: Okay.
Denny Crane: Why… Walter… are you being sued?
Walter Fife: I, I'm not sure you're really the lawyer for this particular...
Shirley Schmidt: We have many attorneys, well equipped to han...
Denny Crane: Nonsense. I've been practicing law for 45 years. Never lost a single case.
Walter Fife: You've never lost?
Denny Crane: My record is six thousand and forty-three to O. You hear the one about the fellow who died, went to the Pearly Gates, St Peter let him in, sees a guy in suit making a closing arguments. Says, "Who's that?" St Peter says, "Ohhh, that God. Thinks he's Denny Crane." Ha, ha, ha, ha! I'm your boy Walter. Never lost. Never will.
Denny Crane: Why have I been taken off this case?
Shirley Schmidt: You haven't. You've been relieved of the grunt work because it's beneath you.
Denny Crane: Relieved is a soft word for discharge. I recognize a demotion when I see one. I am the master of the soft discharge.
Shirley Schmidt: You refer again to when we were intimate.
Shirley Schmidt: Alan, a second. We have a ... little problem. Seems you've been sexually harassing Nora Jacobs.
Alan Shore: She signed a waiver.
Shirley Schmidt: I'm sorry?
Alan Shore: I make all my female employees sign sexual harassment waivers. Especially the pretty ones.
Shirley Schmidt: I don't think that document would hold up in court.
Alan Shore: Oh.
Shirley Schmidt: But regardless, that kind of behavior isn't tolerated at Crane, Poole and Schmidt.
Alan Shore: Which... kind of... behavior? Specifically?
Shirley Schmidt: I think you're smart enough to sense where the line is, Counsel.
Alan Shore: I'm never sure until I cross it.
Shirley Schmidt: She is a subordinate. There is a disparity of power. You will refrain from any sexual advances, verbal or otherwise.
Alan Shore: Shirley? What about senior partners? There would be nothing wrong with me lusting say after you? Would there?
Shirley Schmidt: Go subscribe to National Geographic. Make a list of the places you'll never get to visit. Add to that list, Schmidt.
Attorney Daniel Gellman: Why can't you view Intelligent Design as a Science, Ms Turner?
Roberta Turner: Because! There is simply no scientific data to support it. How are we to maintain any credibility as Science teachers if we say, "Gee! Despite all this data, there's also another possibility." Intelligent Design makes a mockery of Science. If you wanna teach it as religion course? Fine! But as a Science? It's simply preposterous.
Bernard Ferrion: How's Alan?
Tara Wilson: Honestly? I think he's hurt. You hear all the time how clients are let down by their lawyers, sometimes it's the attorney who's let down by the client. As silly as it may sound the cynical, jaded Alan Shore gets a bit desperate sometimes to believe in the goodness of mankind. He found, I think, some hope in you. And you crushed it. Like a bug.
Alan Shore: Nora, I'm not going to change who I am. I can work on it, but leaps and bounds I'll never make. When I look at women… most women… my mind wanders invariably to sexual fantasy of a board and curious nature, unfettered by moral restraint. I can't help it. I realize this candor could come back to haunt me should you indeed file a claim, but when I look at you I often conger up the most intimate and explicit of distractions. That's not going to change. You are a sexually attractive.... Beast! I give you my word; you will not get a demotion. I also offer you my gratitude for making me realize that sometimes women play along and yet never-the-less fell harassed. I suppose it's the callous idiot who can't appreciate that. I apologize for being that idiot. Nora? The next time that someone does something to you that you don't like, be direct. I assure you, you're up to it.
Shirley Schmidt: That was very eloquent. Thank you.
Alan Shore: You need to get me another secretary, Shirley. Someone more willing to be harassed.
Shirley Schmidt: I'll see what I can do.
Attorney Daniel Gellman: This case is all about politics. It's about getting religion back into schools. Creationism is religious doctrine; it is not supported by scientific data. I'm a Christian. My wife is a Jew. We have wonderful debates. And this country, as a whole should be more theologically literate, but it's not Science! What's happening here today is an attack on evolution. It's clever. Let's call it Intelligent Design. Let's not mention God. But, come on! The Supreme Court banned the teaching of Creationism in the public schools. They were right then, they remain right today, and my client's discharge was unlawful, as well in violation of our time honored tradition of separating Church and State. Of course we have a legitimate Cause of Action.
Shirley Schmidt: That was almost Evangelical. The Establishment Clause prohibits the endorsement of, or discrimination against any particular religion. But it was never meant to extinguish the notion of a Higher Power. I certainly believe in evolution. Who here among us, while watching the presidential debates could deny that we all come from monkeys. But, what's so wrong with suggesting, as a possible theory, that a Higher Power might have also played a part? As for Church and State, we go to war over God-given rights to Democracy. Let's face it. God is big here. We love God, and we as a nation have an overwhelming belief He had something to do with the creation of human-kind. But, teach that in a Science class? Perish the thought. Nobody here is trying to squash evolution, and I would agree with Mr Gellman, it isn't good Science to suppress information. But, I would ask the court, who here today is trying to do the squashing?
Judge William Howe: It seems as long as you do it in the name of the Almighty, one is free to abandon not only common sense and Science, but also the facts. But I am also concerned about a secular society squeezing faith out of our lives. We've all witnessed the ridiculous lawsuits to stop Nativity scenes at Christmas, to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance. God has always been a part of who and what we are as a nation. On our currency it reads, 'In God we trust.' The Declaration of Independence speaks of God. How we are created, endowed by our creator it references our Supreme Judge of the world and Divine Providence, God. And I'm sorry, anybody who has ever held a new born child in his hands must make room for the chance that a Higher Power exists. And it shouldn't offend you west Scientists to say, "Hey! We just don't know." I find the decision to include Intelligent Design along with evolution into the Science curriculum does not violate the establishmentcause of the First Amendment. I'm ruling in favor of the defendant. This lawsuit is dismissed.
Lori Colson: Is it a good thing we won today?
Shirley Schmidt: I don't know.
Lori Colson: You believe in a Higher Power, right? It wasn't just advocacy in that room.
Shirley Schmidt: With what's going on the world, I need to believe. But…
Lori Colson: But what?
Shirley Schmidt: God forbid, the next court says it's okay to ban evolution from the schools.
Lori Colson: Yeah. God forbid.