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I've never yet read a review of one of my own books that I couldn't have written much better myself.
Literature, like anything else, can become a wearisome business if you make a lifetime specialty of it. A healthy, wholesome man would no more spend his entire life reading great books than he would packing cookies for Nabisco.
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad.
For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. Henry Louis Mencken Three can keep a secret if two are dead. Benjamin Franklin The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong - but that's the way to bet. Smile. Tomorrow will be worse. It is not true that life is one damn thing after another - It's one damn thing over and over. Edna St. Vincent Millay The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left. Jerry M. Wright Some people drink from the fountain of life, while others just rinse and spit. If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin LORD, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off! Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down. Many people lose their tempers merely from seeing you keep yours. There's nothing better than a big cup of espresso and a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped together. I have my faults, but changing my tune is not one of them.
Samuel Beckett
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
Lazarus Long
If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem. Ducharm The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.
Hate is a word that is not. Love, I am told, is more precious than gold. Love, I have read, is hot. But hate is the verb that to me is superb, And Love but a drug on the mart. Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art. Ogden Nash The first thing we do let's kill all the lawyers. II Henry VI, Act IV Scene 2 Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. Clive James It's OK to grow up - just as long as you don't grow old. Face it... you are young.
Pulp
Critics are like ticks on a dog or tits on a motor: ornamental but dysfunctional. A pretty girl can do no wrong. If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you. All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. Sean O'Casey We live in a post-literate age, where the only history the average man knows, comes to him from Hollywood. When life hands you a lemon, it rarely offers a glass. Man is an animal that makes bargains; no other animal does this - one dog does not change a bone with another. Adam Smith
Animal variation is adaptation
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
Murphy was an optimist. If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't quite work. Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work. No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a precentage of people who belive it true. When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place. The Course of Progress: most things get steadily worse. The Path of Progress: a shortcut is the longest distance between two points. The Dialectics of Progress: direct action produces direct reaction. The Pace of Progress: society is a mule, not a car. If pressed too hard, ot will kick and throw off its rider. In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible. The quality of your landings in inversely proportional to the number of people watching you times by the number of hyperactive little kids running onto the runway. A new spark plug will last forever if you have spares, but only about a half-an-hour if you don't. When a part (invariably) doesn't work, it will be the one located in the hardest to reach location in the fuselage and requiring the removal of the most screws. Only when the part has been totally removed from the plane will it be realized that the part removed was the wrong one, and one in a completely different part of the plane is the culprit. When reinstalling the part, one screw will always come up missing or extra. When you finally get the right damn part removed, it'll be one you don't have a spare for, and the hobby store will be closed that day. Any wire cut to length will be too short. In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables. Interchangeable parts won't. Salespeople's claims for preformance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25. I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments. Jim Morrison The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible.
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service.
He who can does. He who can't teaches. He who can't teach builds learning systems. anonymous with deference to George Bernard Shaw The world does not have too high a birth rate, it has too low a death rate. Silja Bara Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
Sam Ewing
The future has a way of arriving unannounced. George F. Will
An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds.
Doug Larson
If your attack is going really well, it's probably an ambush. This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you will see why. Mignon McLaughlin You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry. Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it. Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously? It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children! Bite off more than you can chew and then chew like hell.
Peter Brock
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. La Rouchefoucauld If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep. Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Oscar Wilde A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except learning how to grow in rows.
Doug Larson
Life is a whoopee cushion, a chair pulled away just as you were taking a seat.
Wally Lamb
Rast ich, so rost ich.
German proverb But, you know what life really is? You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.
John Ryman
Nietzsche is dead. God The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?" You can drop a mouse down a thousand-yard mine shaft and, on arriving at the bottom, it gets a slight shock and walks away. A rat would probably be killed, though it can fall safely from the eleventh story of a building, a man is broken, a horse splashes.
J. B. S. Haldane
POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money. SUSHI: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'.
And out of the chaos, a voice spoke: "Smile and be happy, for it can always be worse".
For those who think life's a joke - just think of the punchline! Cancer cures smoking. You know the oxygen masks on airplanes ? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams. Rita Rudner A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. Lew Col Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal. Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat. Solution to 2 of the worlds major problems: Feed the homeless to the hungry... If you think you know what the hell is going on, you're probably full of shit. Robert Anton Wilson Confucius say: man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead. Confucius say too much. Chinese proverb Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics German, the lovers Italian and it's all organised by the Swiss. Hell is where the chefs are British, the mechanics French, the lover's Swiss, the police German and it's all organised by the Italians. If Darwin's theory of evolution was correct, cats would be able to operate a can opener by now. Larry Wright Sure, winning isn't the everything. It's the only thing. Harry Sanders When a person attempts a task, he or she will be thwarted in that task by the unconscious intervention of some other presence (animate or inanimate). Nevertheless, some tasks are completed, since the intervening presence is itself attempting a task and is, of course, subject to interference.
If it looks easy, it's tough.
Foolproof systems don't take into account the ingenuity of fools.
Gene Brown
You are not Superman! (Freshly graduated recruits from Marine Boot Camp and ALL fighter pilots, take special note.) Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS). |
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