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Simply Delightful - Quotes

These pills can't be habit forming; I've been taking them for years.

The dentist never talks to his patients until the drill is in their mouths.

Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find the programmers cannot write in English.

You cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

It takes one woman nine months to have a baby, no matter how many men you put on the job.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

The only people making money these days are the ones who sell computer paper.

If you didn't have problems, you wouldn't need people around to help solve them. Conversely, if you didn't have people around, maybe you wouldn't have problems.

When a fail-safe system fails, it fails by failing to be fail-safe.

He who hoots with the owl at night will not soar with the eagle at dawn.

If you find something you like, buy a lifetime supply - they're going to stop making it.

A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

Two's a company, three's an orgy.

A road map tells you everything except how to refold it.

Evil is "live" spelled backwards.

Alle Kunst ist emsunst wenn ein Engel auf das zundloch brunzt.

All skill is in vain when an angel pees in the touchhole of your musket.

Sex: even when it's bad, it's good.

The trouble with people is their trouble with people.

An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

Before you met any handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

General solutions to specific problems become specific problems requiring general solutions.

If you don't care where you are, you're not lost.

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

Grab them by the balls; the hearts and minds will follow.

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train.

Never let your sense of morals interfere with doing the right thing.

Isaac Asimov

Birth control is avoiding the issue.

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

You cannot tell how deep a puddle is until you step in it.

Everybody in the room was there.

The lake comes right to the shore.

You cannot sink someone else's end of the boat and still keep your own afloat.

Many of us believe that wrongs aren't wrong if it's done by nice people like ourselves.

A desk is a wastebasket with drawers.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

We are the people our parents warned us against.

Nothing is quite so annoying to have someone go right on talking when you're interrupting.

If at first you don't succeed - so much for skydiving.

The devil finds work for idle glands.

The best way to forget your problem is to help someone else with theirs.

Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.

When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing.

People ask stupid questions for a reason.

Good judgement comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgement.

He who attacks must vanquish; he who defends must merely survive.

Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.