|
Home
Quotes Movies Books Lyrics Articles Misc. Contributions myGT gtForum gtWord Submit Quote |
Simply Delightful - QuotesI invented the Internet. Al Gore If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented Spellcheck. If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance. Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lampost how it feels about dogs. It's hard to argue with the government. Remember, they are they run the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, so they must know a thing or two about satisfying women. Why be born again, when you can just grow up? All Jesus could do was turn water into wine. Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers - could Jesus do that? If the Bible proves that God exists then comic books prove the existence of Superman. #Atheism IRC Although it is said that faith can move mountains, experience has shown that dynamite works better. When you see a cross sticking in the ground, that usually means that someone is buried there, or someone got killed there. Perhaps, by wearing that cross around their neck, what they're saying is that they're dead from the neck up? That would explain a lot of things. If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank. Selections from the Allen Notebooks I always say shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist. Truth does not demand belief. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, "yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down, down. down. Amen!" If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it. Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy. The Devil's Dictionary You go back and tell Brigham Young that I'll give up the Lord's money when he sends me a receipt signed by the Lord, and no sooner. California Saints Jesus Christ: A common exclamation indicating surprise, disgust, anger or bewilderment. The American Heretic's Dictionary We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction. If the Creator had a purpose in equiping us with a neck, he surely meant for us to stick it out. Encounter If you love something, set it free. If it returns you have not lost it. If it disappears and never comes back, then it was never yours to begin with. And if it just sits there watching television, unaware that it has been set free - then you probably married it. It can't be premarital sex, if no one has proposed... bumber sticker When I'm out slaughtering Jedi, I don't have to worry about getting enough calcium. That's why I drink milk. It's 9 essential nutrients help me keep my bones strong, which is good, because I'd look really stupid if one of my horns broke off. Milk Mustache Campaign When younger are you, strong bones milk builds, yes. But when adults, slow rate of bone density loss, it does. Strong am I with the Force at my age. When 860 years old you reach, feel as good you will not, hmmm? Milk Mustache Campaign Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions, and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork involved when your house lands on a witch. A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. Take away the right to say "fuck" and you take away the right to say "fuck the government." The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. I like flowers. I also like children, but I do not chop off their heads and keep them in bowls of water around the house. Ever notice that when women hold off getting married, we call it "independence," but when men do, it's called "fear of commitment"? One to One If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity. He's [God] my favorite fictional character. The Simpsons Love is complicated. It is not! Hair-coloring is complicated. "This is Rangoon control. What are your departure and landing points?" "HB-BRA, departed from Switzerland, intention to land somewhere in Africa." "If you're going from Switzerland to Africa, what in the hell are you doing in Burma?" exchange between Breitling Orbiter 3 and Burmese authorities I will kill the BackStreet Boys by beating them with the members of N-Sync. The Donna and Marie Show It's pretty obvious that if there's anything the good ol' U.S. of A. excels at, it's selling and marketing all the crap this country produces. If someone dreams it up, there's probably someone gullible enough to buy it. CNET.com Success is 10% inspiration, 90% last-minute changes. advertisement on a billboard Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less. Once you accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid becomes easy. Start each day with a smile and get it over with. You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside. It's not whether you win or lose, it's whether I win or lose. Nothing is more foolish than to talk of frivolous things seriously; but nothing is wittier than to make frivolities serve serious ends. The whole principle [of censorship] is wrong; it's like demanding that grown men live on skim milk because the baby can't eat steak. Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. The really depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I will never be as good as the wall. MULDER: Cow mutilations have increased steadily over the past few years and there's only one reason - aliens. They understand the nutritional value of milk. SCULLY: Usually the skeptic, I have to agree that 3 glasses of milk a day gives you enough calcium to travel all over the nation to investigate strange happenings. MULDER: The milk is out there. Milk Mustache Campaign Normally, the only thing I like to put in my mouth is a cigarette, but being so busy, I need something more. I need something rich in nutrients, like milk. Milk offers me the calcium I don't get from tobacco smoke and gives me the nine essential nutrients I need for manipulating the minds of the masses, and perpetuating international government conspiracies. That's no lie. Milk Mustache Campaign Around the office, I'm known for betraying people, but that's not all I do. Like a good rat, I drink milk. A lot of it. A minimum of 3 glasses a day gives me all the nutrients I need to effectively stab people in the back. Another plus - milk is rich in calcium, so I'll have a new arm in no time. Milk Mustache Campaign If having fun makes time go faster, how can a good laugh prolong one's life? |
|
|
| www.generationterrorists.com |