Simply Delightful - Quotes
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
We live in a post-literate age, where the only history the average man knows, comes to him from Hollywood.
When life hands you a lemon, it rarely offers a glass.
Man is an animal that makes bargains; no other animal does this - one dog does not change a bone with another.
Animal variation is adaptation
Machine variation is complication
Human variation is imagination
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly develop.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
If we lose much by having things go wrong, take all possible care.
If we have nothing to lose by change, relax.
If we have everything to gain by change, relax.
If it doesn't matter, it does not matter.
Murphy was an optimist.
If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's approval, somebody won't quite work.
Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work.
No matter how often a lie is shown to be false, there will remain a precentage of people who belive it true.
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been correct in the first place.
The Course of Progress: most things get steadily worse.
The Path of Progress: a shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
The Dialectics of Progress: direct action produces direct reaction.
The Pace of Progress: society is a mule, not a car. If pressed too hard, ot will kick and throw off its rider.
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
The quality of your landings in inversely proportional to the number of people watching you times by the number of hyperactive little kids running onto the runway.
A new spark plug will last forever if you have spares, but only about a half-an-hour if you don't.
When a part (invariably) doesn't work, it will be the one located in the hardest to reach location in the fuselage and requiring the removal of the most screws.
Only when the part has been totally removed from the plane will it be realized that the part removed was the wrong one, and one in a completely different part of the plane is the culprit.
When reinstalling the part, one screw will always come up missing or extra.
When you finally get the right damn part removed, it'll be one you don't have a spare for, and the hobby store will be closed that day.
Any wire cut to length will be too short.
In any formula, constants (especially those obtained from engineering handbooks) are to be treated as variables.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Salespeople's claims for preformance should be multiplied by a factor of 0.25.
I see myself as an intelligent, sensitive human, with the soul of a clown which forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible.
He who can does. He who can't teaches. He who can't teach builds learning systems.
The world does not have too high a birth rate, it has too low a death rate.
Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.
The future has a way of arriving unannounced.
An optimist thinks this is the best of all worlds.
A pessimist fears the same may be true.
United Feature Syndicate
If your attack is going really well, it's probably an ambush.
This is as bad as it can get, but don't count on it.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you will see why.
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate it.
Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Get Revenge! Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
Bite off more than you can chew and then chew like hell.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.
A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except learning how to grow in rows.
United Features Syndicate
Life is a whoopee cushion, a chair pulled away just as you were taking a seat.
I Know This Much is True
Rast ich, so rost ich. (When I rest, I rust.) German proverb