The One With Joey's Dirty Day (414)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
MONICA: Hey, Joey, I don't think that you should leave Chandler alone. I mean it's only been two days since he broke up with Kathy. Maybe you can go fishing next week? JOEY: Look, there's nothing I can do for him right now, he's still in his sweat pants, that's still Phase One. Y'know? I'll be back for Phase Two, I would never miss Phase Two. MONICA: What's Phase Two? JOEY: Gettin' drunk and going to a strip club. RACHEL: How does going to a strip club help him better? ROSS: Because there are naked ladies there. JOEY: Which helps him get to Phase Three, picturing yourself with other women. ROSS: There are naked ladies there too. JOEY: Yeah. MONICA: So? How did it go with Joshua last night? RACHEL: Well, I didn't see Joshua last night, but I did punch a girl in the face. MONICA: What? PHOEBE: Why? RACHEL: The whole night was horrible, it was pouring down rain, and when I got there, there was no Rachel Green on the list, but there was a Rachel Greep. PHOEBE: Ohh! So, did you get to meet her? RACHEL: No, there is no Rachel Greep, but then this other girl overheard us and she was all, "I'm Rachel Greep! I'm Rachel Greep!" and he let her right in. MONICA: So you hit her in the face? RACHEL: No, she was already in, but then this big bitch behind me tried to steal my umbrella, so I clocked her. Ohhh! I can't believe this, all I wanted was a few hours outside of work to see Joshua, so he can go ahead and start falling in love with me. PHOEBE: Aww, Pheebs. RACHEL: Honey, that's you're name. PHOEBE: That's short for Phoebe?! I thought that was just what we called each other! MONICA: Hey! You're wearing pants! CHANDLER: That's right! Where are the guys? I'm ready to get drunk and see some strippers. MONICA: It's 9: 30 in the morning! CHANDLER: They got a breakfast buffet. JOEY: Whoa! Yeah, what the hell is that? What smells so bad? THE A.D: You. JOEY: Y'know, I can see why you think that, but ah, actually, you know who I think it is? THE A.D: You? JOEY: No-no, it's uh, it's Heston. THE A.D: What? JOEY: Yeah, the man wreaks! Smells like he went on a three day fishing trip and then ate some liquorice. THE A.D: There's no way he smells, he's the only one around here with a shower in his dressing room. JOEY: Really, a shower huh? And uh, which-which room might that be? THE A.D: The one with "Heston" on it. CHANDLER: Y'know what, y'know what, I think I'm just gonna go home and call Kathy. PHOEBE: Well, if you think it will help. CHANDLER: No! That was a test! In a couple of hours I'm gonna get really drunk and wanna call Kathy and you guys are gonna have to stop me! And then after that, I'm gonna get so drunk, I'm gonna wanna call Janice PHOEBE: You should! How is she? CHANDLER: Ohhh!!! CHARLTON HESTON: Hello! Who's in there? JOEY: How ya doin'? CHARLTON HESTON: Who in the hell are you? JOEY: I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was Kurt Douglas, huh? CHARLTON HESTON: Put some pants on kid so I can kick your butt. JOEY: No-no-no, no, no, wait. You see, I'm an actor, Joey Tribbiani, I'm doing a scene with you today, and well, I stink. CHARLTON HESTON: You're in this picture? JOEY: Yeah-yeah, I'm one of the cops that won't work with you 'cause your a loose cannon. Anyway, look, I'm really sorry, but I stink! CHARLTON HESTON: Joey, right? JOEY: Yeah. CHARLTON HESTON: Every actor at one time or another opp! Every actor thinks he stinks, even Lawrence Oliver at sometimes thought he stank, Bob Redford won't even watch himself. JOEY: Oh no-no-no, you don't understand! CHARLTON HESTON: Listen to me! JOEY: Oh yeah, yeah. CHARLTON HESTON: I don't know one actor worth his salt that didn't say at one time or another, "God, I stink!" Hell, I just did a scene out there, first take, I stunk the place up. But, the important thing you must remember, no matter how badly you think you might stink, you must never, ever bust into my dressing room and use my shower! Do you understand me?! JOEY: Yes sir! Yes sir, I'm-I'm... CHARLTON HESTON: Wait a minute! Take your pants. JOEY: Yeah. Oh, yeah. CHANDLER: All right, well I'm gonna put my sweats back on. PHOEBE: Oh no! Wait! Wait! Okay, y'know what, you were right, you were right. We really weren't great at being guys, but you know why? Because we're girls. CHANDLER: Yeah? PHOEBE: And do you know what girls are really good at? CHANDLER: Stripping! PHOEBE: No, listening! Sit! Y'know, maybe it would just really, really help if you would just talk. RACHEL: Yeah, come on! What's going in on in there? MONICA: Yeah. And y'know, if you wanna cry, that's okay too. CHANDLER: Okay, look, I'm gonna have to ask you all to leave. MONICA: Come on! Chandler! CHANDLER: Look, forget it. We tried, but Phase Three is a lost cause, Okay? Those strippers were insanely hot, and I couldn't picture myself with any of them. MONICA: They really were pretty, weren't they? PHOEBE: Yeah, I really liked that fighter pilot one. MONICA: Oh, Candy! She was so spunky! PHOEBE: Yeah. MONICA: Y'know, I think if I were going to be with a woman. It'd, it'd be with someone like Michelle, she was so oh, she was so petite. RACHEL: See, I don't know, for me it would have to Chantal. MONICA: Oh, Chantal! RACHEL: Oh my goodness, she had the smoothest skin! I mean when I stuck that dollar bill in her g-string and grazed her thigh! CHANDLER: Phase Three! I just achieved Phase Three! MONICA: Really?! CHANDLER: I am totally picturing you with all those women! MONICA: That's-that's not Phase Three. CHANDLER: Well, I'm there too! RACHEL: Well, are we all together? Like in a group? CHANDLER: Stop it! You're killing me! I think I just moved on to Phase Four! PHOEBE: Oh! What is that? What is that? CHANDLER: Where I don't want to have a relationship ever! I just want to have sex with strippers and my friends!!!
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transcribed by Eric Aasen
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