Catch and Release (103)

Season 1
Head Cases
Still Crazy After All These Years
Catch and Release
Change of Course
And Eye for an Eye
Truth Be Told
Questionable Characters
Loose Lips
Greater Good
Hired Guns
Schmidt Happens
From Whence We Came
It Girls and Beyond
Till We Meat Again
Tortured Souls
Let Sales Ring
Death By Not Proud

Season 2
The Black Widow
Finding Nimmo
A Whiff and a Prayer
Men to Boys
Witches of Mass Destruction
Truly Madly, Deeply
Ass Fat Jungle
Legal Deficits
The Cancer Man Can

Alan Shore: Sally, look at me. You trust me?

Sally Heep: I do.

Alan Shore: And because you trust me, you'll believe what I'm about to tell you.

Sally Heep: I will

Alan Shore: That's all it is.

Sally Heep: All what is?

Alan Shore: Trial law. Getting the jury to trust you, so you'll believe what you tell them.

Sally Heep: Really?

Alan Shore: Sincerity, Sally. Once you learn to fake that, there'll be no stopping you.

Alan Shore: I really don't need a second chair for this.

Lori Colson: Sexual harassment is a specialty of mine.

Alan Shore: Mine too!

Lori Colson: No doubt, but while your experience tends to be hands on, mine-

Alan Shore: Tends to be more wishful thinking.

Lori Colson: Not to mention, you ooze.

Alan Shore: I ooze.

Lori Colson: Yes. That certain something that subliminally champions misogyny. You need me.

Alan Shore: Lori, as much as I may want you. Desire you, even. I do not need you.

Lori Colson: See that right there? Ooze.

Denny Crane: It's true. You're a lawyer now.

Donny Crane: Hey. Dad.Donny Crane: You've got a needle in your head.

Denny Crane: Small accident. Not to worry. Son.

Donny Crane: Dad.

Denny Crane: You're a lawyer now. That's how you greet people?

Donny Crane: Donny Crane.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Donny Crane: Donny Crane.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Donny Crane: Donny Crane.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Donny Crane: Donny Crane.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Donny Crane: Donny Crane.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Donny Crane: Donny Crane.

Denny Crane: So what's this all about? Saving some fish?

Donny Crane: Well, see, your lawyers, who are clearly very talented, persuaded a judge to eliminate the distinction between farmed salmon and wild salmon.

Paul Lewiston: The President of the United States proposed eliminating that distinction.

Donny Crane: Yeah, I know. That's probably why the judge granted your motion. Dad, wild salmon are an endangered species. The administration figures if you eliminate the distinction between farmed and wild and count them both as one, the numbers would go up and you could take 'em off the endangered list. And that way, they can lift the environmental protections in place to protect them. Which, of course, allows you to build more shopping malls.

Denny Crane: Well, son, look at the big picture. If building this mall can save a species from becoming endangered, let's by all means do it.

Denny Crane: Is it a score? Was I not there enough?

Donny Crane: Were you not there enough? Dad, I haven't seen you in 15 years.

Denny Crane: I may not have had the time to give that most dads had. But I thought I was giving you something much more important. Money.

Sally Heep: What am I going to do? What can I possibly say in my closing? I've got nothing.

Alan Shore: Rabbit.

Sally Heep: I'm sorry?

Alan Shore: Pull a rabbit out from under your dress. You know what Gerry Spence does in these hopeless situations? He just tells the jury a story.

Sally Heep: A story?

Alan Shore: Any story. As long as it's interesting. He just entertains the jury. He gets them right here and in that moment when he has them right here he connects the story to his case. Sometimes barely. Sometimes ridiculously. And then he asks the jury to let his client go and for God knows what reason they often do. A good story may be your rabbit.

Sally Heep: One day, I was in my kitchen. I think I was about 15. And in came Fred, my big chocolate Lab. And in his mouth was a dead rabbit. The neighbor's pet rabbit. And I thought "This is it for Fred." If they find out he killed their adored pet, Animal Control would be down, and --. So, I took the rabbit. Washed him off in the sink. Pulled out the blow dryer. Got him all white and fluffy looking. And I snuck over to my neighbor's backyard and I put him back in his cage, hoping they'd think he died of natural causes. That night my parents came into my room. The neighbor's pet rabbit had died three days ago, they told me. They buried him in the woods. And some wacko evidently dug him up, washed him off, and put him back in the cage. But I remember thinking to myself the truth is not only stranger than fiction, but often less believable. And that's what we have here, ladies and gentlemen. The logical version, I suppose, is that my client stole that wallet. The less believable, but quite possibly true account, is that he mistook it for his own. Nobody, not one of us, can be sure it didn't happen exactly the way Ramone Valesquez said it did. That's reasonable doubt.

Denny Crane: He's not my son.

Alan Shore: What do you mean he's not your son?

Denny Crane: His mother slapped me with a paternity suit. I settled. She came back, about 10 years later with a guilty conscience and admitted that I wasn't the father. Just deep pockets. But I liked the kid. So I kept paying for his education and so forth.

Alan Shore: Obviously he doesn't know.

Denny Crane: His mother said it would break his heart. He so liked being the son of Denny Crane. Hmmm. Who wouldn't?