It Girls and Beyond (113)

Season 1
Head Cases
Still Crazy After All These Years
Catch and Release
Change of Course
And Eye for an Eye
Truth Be Told
Questionable Characters
Loose Lips
Greater Good
Hired Guns
Schmidt Happens
From Whence We Came
It Girls and Beyond
Till We Meat Again
Tortured Souls
Let Sales Ring
Death By Not Proud

Season 2
The Black Widow
Finding Nimmo
A Whiff and a Prayer
Men to Boys
Witches of Mass Destruction
Truly Madly, Deeply
Ass Fat Jungle
Legal Deficits
The Cancer Man Can

Lori Colson: Brad! It isn't the case so much as it is the client? Right? And it isn't who she is, so much as what she is, right? What is she Brad? Can't you even say the word?

Brad Chase: I can say it.

Lori Colson: Well, what is she Brad?

Brad Chase: She's a… homosexual.

Lori Colson: And what's the word for a female homosexual?

Brad Chase: Lesbian.

Lori Colson: I couldn't really hear that.

Brad Chase: She's a lesbian.

Lori Colson: Hah! You don't wanna do the case because your client's a lesbian?

Brad Chase: Lori, this is a high profile case. I've worked my entire life to associate with decency and what is good for America.

Lori Colson: And lesbians are bad for America?

Brad Chase: They have bad values. Reflects poorly on all of us.

Lori Colson: As a nation? Now would you like to tell me the real reason?

Brad Chase: What do you mean?

Lori Colson: I know for a fact you've represented gay clients before.

Brad Chase: Not on television. Not in the news.

Lori Colson: Brad, we're friends. Level with me. What is it about this particular lesbian?

Brad Chase: I'm attracted to her.

Lori Colson: What's your case about, Brad?

Alan Shore: What is it about?

Brad Chase: It involves interference with contractual relations.

Alan Shore: You mean… lesbians?

Paul Lewiston: Where are you?

Brad Chase: Today they're calling Tracy to testify that her ex-lover was…

Alan Shore: Lesbian, ex-lover.

Brad Chase: ... to testify that Tracy was scamming her for money. Tracy was in fact not an actual bonified…

Alan Shore: Lesbian?

Brad Chase: You like saying it?

Alan Shore: I do.

Brad Chase: Say it again!

Alan Shore: Lesbian.

Brad Chase: Keep going.

Alan Shore: Lesbian. Lesbian. Lesbian. All together now!

All: Lesbian!

Alan Shore: I also like to watch. How many people have…

Alan Shore: Sorry I'm late.

Denny Crane: What are you doing here?

Alan Shore: You asked me to second-chair, Denny. Remember?

Denny Crane: Alan? I never asked you to second-chair.

Alan Shore: Sure you did, Denny! You said you were trying the case…

Denny Crane: Solo! I said, "Solo!"

Alan Shore: Well I thought you asked for backup, so I guess one of us is losing our mind.

Denny Crane: What do you mean by that?

Alan Shore: Denny, I'm here! As you know I'm starved for criminal work.

Denny Crane: I want to do this alone.

Alan Shore: Is this about proving something? You said, "Tell Shirley." Is about proving to Shirley Schmidt you haven't slipped?

Denny Crane: Excuse me. I'm in a meeting.

Alan Shore: Denny, I don't have time to say this nicely. So! I'm just gonna say it with all the rough edges. This is a criminal proceeding; that man's liberty could be at stake. I'm jumping in, second-chair, to cover his ass, and yes, possibly yours as well.

Denny Crane: Did my client tell you that this drug is unapproved by the FDA?

Mark Harrison: Yes.

Denny Crane: Did he tell you that there could be side affects?

Mark Harrison: Yes.

Denny Crane: You were fully informed?

Mark Harrison: I was.

Denny Crane: You consented?

Mark Harrison: I did.

Denny Crane: Take it again?

Mark Harrison: Absolutely!

Denny Crane: Like the doctor?

Mark Harrison: Love him.

Denny Crane: How's your memory.

Mark Harrison: My memory's fine.

Denny Crane: What's my name.

Mark Harrison: Denny Crane.

Denny Crane: Like you mean it.

Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!

Denny Crane: What's my name?!!

Mark Harrison: Denny Crane!!!

Denny Crane: No further questions.

Dr Leonard Raskin: We have rules. One is we do not go prescribing experimental drugs that the FDA hasn't approved for market.

A.D.A. Howard Zale: Even if the patient consents?

Dr Leonard Raskin: The patient will always follow the lead of his doctor. For God's sake look what people buy off infomercials. They'll try anything, hair potions; pills that make you lose weight while you sleep. Desperate people will try anything. And when you have a licensed doctor saying, "Here. Take this."? They will.

Denny Crane: This isn't a potion. This drug works.

Dr Leonard Raskin: In preliminary studies. But there's much, much, more testing to be done.

Denny Crane: How long does it take the FDA to approve a drug?

Dr Leonard Raskin: It isn't quick, but…

Denny Crane: How long?

Dr Leonard Raskin: Nine years.

Denny Crane: My client's patient would be dead by then. But, hey! You got your rules.

A.D.A. Howard Zale: Objection!

Denny Crane: Oh be quiet.

Denny Crane: You say that doctors shouldn't prescribe non-FDA-approved drugs as a rule.

Dr Leonard Raskin: Yes.

Denny Crane: Doctors don't prescribe medications for things that the FDA hasn't approved them for?

Dr Leonard Raskin: Off label prescriptions happen, but…

Denny Crane: Doctor, have you ever prescribed a drug that wasn't approved for the particular condition you were treating?

Dr Leonard Raskin: Yes, but…

Denny Crane: And doctor, if you were overweight, and at risk for an eminent stroke or heart attack. Is it your testimony that you would never consider taking Vermonaband?

Dr Leonard Raskin: For myself, I might, but...

Denny Crane: But, you wouldn't give your patient the same opportunity, because you have rules.

Shirley Schmidt: How's our trial going?

Denny Crane: You think I'm just gonna wither up and die in there, don't you?

Shirley Schmidt: All these references to our sex life, Denny.

Denny Crane: I'm at risk for Alzheimer's. I got some sort of plaque inside my brain, my memory… I might have met somebody before I wouldn't know. What you wouldn't know is what it feels like to be… losing it, to be… feel… to be slipping. There's a prescription drug dextroamphetamine. It's very big on the black market. It's used by college kids to bone up for exams. I've been taking it. I don't know how it works. But you get your memory back. It reintroduces you to your vocabulary. Helps with mental arithmetic. Facial recognition. Go for all productivity. Basically, you get your brain back. And no FDA or any other agency is gonna tell me I don't have the right to get back my brain. No government or corporation is gonna tell me or order me to continue losing my mind. I agree with the prosecutor. This claim that desperate people will try desperate measures. So what?

Tracy Green: So. Why did you wanna have dinner Brad? To celebrate the victory? Or take one last shot at conversion?

Brad Chase: I wanted to have dinner to apologize. I did a really terrible thing; I hired a private investigator to follow you. I wanted to satisfy myself that you were really gay. And I'm quite satisfied now. You went to see Stephanie around midnight last night. Why would you do that? Well, I had it half right, didn't I. You know, thinking Stephanie sued you for the publicity. You were both in on it. IT girls or split girls, however you make the news, you two are a really good team. Cause I knew I was being deceived, I just wasn't sure how.

Alan Shore: That drug you're taking is an amphetamine with a dangerously high potential for abuse and addiction.

Denny Crane: The shrinks are doling it out like candy.

Alan Shore: Might make you feel more acute, you'll no doubt work like a demon, but certain pleasures will be gone.

Denny Crane: Like?

Alan Shore: Perhaps fishing. Perhaps, sitting in a chair enjoying a football game. Standing on a balcony appreciating the quiet joy of a friendship. There's more to life than recognizing faces, Denny.

Denny Crane: You prefer me in my fog?

Alan Shore: I prefer you. Your perspective. Your humor. The acceptance and humility which perhaps can only come with age. I prefer you.

Denny Crane: I've stopped taking the drug. I kinda like my fog too. There's a certain license that goes with it. Plus, I've said this before and I'll say it again, the answers in life, you don't find them here, first you look to God… and… then...

Alan Shore: Fox News.

Denny Crane: Damn right. You Democrats.

Alan Shore: You Republicans.

Denny Crane: Shirley know I won?

Alan Shore: Told her myself.

Denny Crane: What did she say?

Alan Shore: She'd like to have your children.

Denny Crane: Damn right.