Witches of Mass Destruction (206)

Season 1
Head Cases
Still Crazy After All These Years
Catch and Release
Change of Course
And Eye for an Eye
Truth Be Told
Questionable Characters
Loose Lips
Greater Good
Hired Guns
Schmidt Happens
From Whence We Came
It Girls and Beyond
Till We Meat Again
Tortured Souls
Let Sales Ring
Death Be Not Proud

Season 2
The Black Widow
Finding Nimmo
A Whiff and a Prayer
Men to Boys
Witches of Mass Destruction
Truly Madly, Deeply
Ass Fat Jungle
Legal Deficits
The Cancer Man Can

Denny Crane: Is it true? You're criticizing the war?

Alan Shore: Constructive criticism.

Denny walks up to Alan and seems at loss for words.

Alan Shore: What?

Denny Crane: Alan. I've loved you like a…

Alan Shore: Sister.

Denny Crane: We're Americans. To be critical in time of war. Even the democrats are smart enough to keep their mouth shut on this. Edward R. Murrow said, "We should never confuse dissent with disloyalty."

Denny Crane: Edward R. Murrow is media. And he's dead! The dead don't count.

Alan Shore: Dead do count Denny. Which is why we're bringing this lawsuit.

Denny Crane: Drop the case. Do it now.

Alan Shore: I'm not dropping it Denny.

Denny Crane: Alan? I'm senior partner. I'm asking you, check that, I'm directing you, drop it.

Alan Shore: No.

Denny Crane: You may think it's patriotic to decent. Maybe it is sometimes. But to sue the army at a time of war is not patriotic it borders on treason, and I'm disgusted with you. And just so you know, most of the democrats voted for this war. John Kerry voted for it. Hilary Clinton voted for it. And now suddenly it becomes unpopular, say what you will about republicans, we stick to our convictions even when we know we're dead wrong

Alan Shore: Some might say especially then.

Alan Shore: What's this?

Denny Crane: My Halloween costume.

Alan Shore: We were gonna be flamingos together.

Denny Crane: I decided to be a hunter. Leave.

Alan Shore: Hunters shoot flamingos.

Alan Shore: You also mentioned to him something about a Try One program. What's that?

Sergeant Jason Hendler: Try One is a one year trial program. If you sign up and you aren't happy a the end of your one year contract then you can leave. Without officially enlisting in the National Guard.

Alan Shore: And that's what Private Elliot signed up for. Correct?

Sergeant Jason Hendler: Yes sir.

Alan Shore: See this is what confuses me. Private Elliot served out his year, fulfilled his contract and clearly wasn't happy. Why didn't he just come home?

Sergeant Jason Hendler: Private Elliot was kept in Iraq under the Stop Loss program. In case you haven't noticed, we're at war.

Alan Shore: Tell me Sergeant. Under this Stop Loss program how much longer had the military planned to keep Private Elliot in the service?

Sergeant Jason Hendler: Private Elliot's obligation was extended to 2031.

Alan Shore: Twenty-six years. Did you tell either Mr Elliot or Mr Dewey about these contingencies?

Sergeant Jason Hendler: We're at war Mr Shore. We need soldiers.

Alan Shore: Yes. According to our generals and military advisors we need a lot more than the 140,000 currently over there. Why are we not sending more? Are we trying to win this war or not Sergeant?

Shirley Schmidt: The first amendment says we shouldn't discriminate against any group on the basis of religion. It's a nice theory. But the truth is the law is rarely applied to protect the Christian faith because being in the majority; well I guess we feel they can take it. And if the religion is too far out there, Christian Scientists sure, Scientologists maybe. Wiccans? Well. At what point does a religion become silly enough that it's okay to make fun of them? And who decides? What this case is really about is tolerance. Whether it's Hindus attacking Jews, or Muslims against Catholics, Christians fighting with Wiccans. The aim of the law is tolerance. And I could be wrong but I don't think we ever ratified persecution under the heading of fun. Let me read you something by Martin Nummular a German pastor who opposed the Nazis. In Germany they came first for the communists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a communist. Then they came for the Jews and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionist and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Protestant. Then they came for me and by that time there was no one left to speak up.

Alan Shore: First. This is hardly about anti-war sentiments. Private Elliot was for the war. Personally I was against it, then I was for it then I was against it again, but that's just me, I'm a flip flopper. But whether one is for or against the occupation and let's assume judging from your tie one is, that does not exempt the military from a duty to be honest with its soldiers. Private Elliot was told he'd serve a year. He was told he wouldn't see combat! Okay! Unexpected stuff happens he did see combat. Fine! But, he was sent into combat with insufficient backup, he was sent in to perform duties for which he was never ever trained! He wasn't given the most basic of equipment. And then after his tour of duty was finally up they wouldn't let him leave. He never assumed those risks by enlisting. Over extended, under equipped, non-trained. He never signed up for that. And now he's dead. An aside from his sister, nobody seems to care. We talk about honoring the troops. How about we honor them by giving a damn when they're killed! Our kids are dying over there! In this country, the people, the media, we all just chug along like nothing is wrong. We'll spend a month obsessing about Terri Shivo. But dare we show the body of a fallen soldier? The most watched cable news station will spend an hour a night on a missing girl in Aruba, but God forbid we pay any attention when kids like Private Elliot, killed in action…

Judge Clark Brown: You're off the point.

Alan Shore: I'm not off the point. We've had two thousand American trees fall in that forest over there and we don't even know it. Not really. But, maybe we don't wanna know about our children dying. So lucky for us this war isn't really being televised. We're not seeing images of soldiers dying in the arms of their comrades, being blown apart on the streets of Bagdad. But they are! By the thousands! And all the American public wants to concern itself with is whether Brad and Angelina really are a couple. At least with Vietnam we all watched and we all got angry!

Alan Shore: We lost. If it's any consolation.

Denny Crane: It isn't.

Alan Shore: Anybody who truly loves this country Denny, has to at least try to understand the awful truth over there.

Denny Crane: One of the reasons it's happening over there is so it won't happen here.

Alan Shore: I'm afraid I don't agree with you Denny. But if Americans can continue to nurture the expression of differing opinions, what's happening over there will never happen here.

Alan Shore: What are you thinking about? It's not a trick question.

Denny Crane: Can't I have solitary pensive moment? Keep a thought to myself?

Alan Shore: Ha, ha. You forgot what you're thinking. Ha, ha. I don't presume to know whether this is a good war Denny. But there can be no dispute it's a complex one. One that we as a citizenry, as patriots need to be talking about.

Denny Crane: Here's all you need to know. Put me in charge. I'll win the darn thing.

Alan Shore: Do you think the army would let two flamingos enlist?

Denny Crane: Don't ask. Don't tell. Most of the cranes in my family were flamingos.

Alan Shore: Indeed.