The Black Widow (201)

Season 1
Head Cases
Still Crazy After All These Years
Catch and Release
Change of Course
And Eye for an Eye
Truth Be Told
Questionable Characters
Loose Lips
Greater Good
Hired Guns
Schmidt Happens
From Whence We Came
It Girls and Beyond
Till We Meat Again
Tortured Souls
Let Sales Ring
Death By Not Proud

Season 2
The Black Widow
Finding Nimmo
A Whiff and a Prayer
Men to Boys
Witches of Mass Destruction
Truly Madly, Deeply
Ass Fat Jungle
Legal Deficits
The Cancer Man Can

Shirley Schmidt: Denny! The conference call with Jack Myers has begun…

Denny Crane: You take it. The Black Widow is here.

Shirley Schmidt: I can't take it, I'm in a meeting. Which means that you have to take it, and since this man pays us over two million dollars a year…

Denny Crane: Not everything is about money, Shirley. Sometime sex counts too. It used to count with you. One minute you couldn't get enough of me, and the next you lose interest. What happened, Shirley? I need to know.

Shirley Schmidt: They invented color television.

Denny Crane: You and me. In my office. Give me two minutes.

Shirley Schmidt: If you could last three, I might consider it. In the meantime, Jack Meyers…

Denny Crane: Not now! The Black Widow gets me first.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane! You've come to the right firm. I can tell you that… My God, you're even more striking in person.

Kelly Nolan: Who is this man, and why is his face about to explode?

Alan Shore: Kelly Nolan. This is Denny Crane. Success has caused his head to swell.

Denny Crane: I'll look after Kelly.

Alan Shore: I can see you're aroused. You might consider, the last man to make love to her? Died while doing so.

Denny Crane: I'll take my chances.

Kelly Nolan: I didn't kill my husband.

Alan Shore: Somebody killed him, Kelly. Accidental overdose will be very hard to sell. The capsule was emptied into the wineglass. Who takes Nitro that way? Somebody killed him. Why aren't you pointing a finger? Or at least asking questions?

Kelly Nolan: I think he took his own life.

Alan Shore: By inducing a heart attack? There's got to be a more fun way.

Alan Shore: Catherine. Mark up a motion for a continuance in the Nolan case and file it immediately please.

Bernard Ferrion: Ah! I knew it! You need more time! You're in trouble! She did it! Didn't she?

Alan Shore: He seems to take particular delight. Does he not Catherine?

Catherine Piper: We all do. It's fun to see pretty people fall.

Judge Harvey Cooper: How dare you come in here and seek a continuance?

Alan Shore: Your Honor. We need to conduct an investigation. Having incorrectly assumed that the police had done one.

Judge Harvey Cooper: Mr Shore. This… This… This woman is trying to manipulate this process. I will not be manipulated.

Denny Crane: Mad cow.

Judge Harvey Cooper: Silence! She likely fired her last attorney because she told him she did it. And since he can't knowingly put a witness in the chair to commit perjury, which is her plan, she was forced to retain new counsel and keep them in the dark. And now we have you. And you.

Denny Crane: If this woman wished to manipulate me in the dark…

Bill Clinton: I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

Alan Shore: Your Honor, at this time I must ask that you recuse yourself.

Judge Harvey Cooper: On what grounds?

Alan Shore: Because you're the real killer and everybody knows it.

Judge Harvey Cooper: Step up here counsel!! You have misstepped,and you are egregiously mistaken if you think you will insult this court without consequence.

Alan Shore: And you are mistaken if you think you're going to push me around. I hated bullies on the playground when I was six, I tolerate them no better on the bench in my forties. This is a murder trial. I've got the whole world predisposed against my client. I will not allow the presiding Judge to be added to that list.

Judge Harvey Cooper: I am a fair and impartial Judge.

Alan Shore: Then start acting like one.

Alan Shore: It may be too late to get another lawyer. Maybe not though. Obviously I haven't exactly hit it off with this Judge. Perhaps you should go elsewhere.

Kelly Nolan: I'll stay. I think you know.

Alan Shore: I know?

Kelly Nolan: That I'm innocent. The way you fought in there?

Alan Shore: Don't kid yourself. I'm the ultimate mercenary. I put myself on the line for five hundred dollars an hour. It's that simple.

Kelly Nolan: I don't believe you. You know.

Denny Crane: That was quite something with the Judge today Alan.

Alan Shore: Yes it was.

Denny Crane: Dream case. Isn't it? High profile. Splashy. Big closing. Get the not guilty. Have sex with the client. It's all there. Ha. Do you think she knows I wanna sleep with her?

Alan Shore: She probably assumes all men do. Maybe even some of the women.

Denny Crane: Mmm. Savor it my friend.

Alan Shore: Sorry?

Denny Crane: This case. The noise. The juice. The circus. Savor it.

Alan Shore: She didn't do it.

Denny Crane: What?

Alan Shore: She didn't kill her husband. She's innocent.

Denny Crane: Really? Well that's good. Makes it less interesting. But that... that's good.

Alan Shore: It's also pressure. We've got an innocent client.

Denny Crane: This is gonna be a riot.

Alan Shore: Yes it is.