Brad Chase: Do you mind? We're trying to conduct a trial here.

Bomber: Get over here! D-did you hear me? I said I had a bomb!

Brad Chase: No, you don't. And here's why. A-You said manslaughter, which means that you didn't have the guts for murder one the first time around.

Bomber: What?

Brad Chase: B-If you're clever enough to make that aggravation joke, you're clever enough to know that threatening to have a bomb carries a much lesser sentence than actually wearing one. C-That coat is fairly svelte. And D-If you really had a bomb, you wouldn't need to have a hostage. Would you?

Bomber: I do have a bomb.

Brad Chase: Come on. We've got two more expert witnesses to get through by lunch.

Denny Crane: It's this case. It seems like I've done nothing else but work on it for the last three weeks.

Alan Shore: What in particular about the case is bothering you?

Denny Crane: I don't know what it's about. I-it's... well... If you, say, were going to briefly describe it to someone who was clueless, what would you say?

Alan Shore: I'd say we represent a big drug company.

Denny Crane: Yes. That's the part I like.

Alan Shore: Then, I'd say they're being sued by a woman who claims she was wrongfully removed from the company's clinical trial of a potent new diabetes medicine.

Denny Crane: That's where I lose track.

Alan Shore: Special pills make woman happy. Company take pills away. Woman sue to get back on special pills.

Denny Crane: Got it.

Alan Shore: Legal opinions only go to the law, Mr. Jeffries. I had opportunity to view the plaintiff's videotaped deposition. She comes off as an extremely sympathetic and likable person.

Martin Jeffries: And?

Alan Shore: You don't. Our fear, and the plaintiff's hope is that the jury will like her and feel for her pain, and attempt to alleviate said pain with millions and millions of your dollars.

Martin Jeffries: I was under the impression I hired attorneys who could employ reason and intellect to offset the emotion inuring to the plaintiff's favor. Did I hire the wrong law firm, Mr. Shore?

Alan Shore: Certainly not, sir. You've hired the best.

Paul Lewiston: You have something else more pressing?

Sally Heep: No, but I prefer not to work on this case.

Paul Lewiston: Why not?

Sally Heep: It's personal.

Paul Lewiston: You are making it professional.

Sally Heep: I'm-I'm-I'm just not-I-I-I'm uncomfortable working with Tara.

Paul Lewiston: Because?

Sally Heep: I used to sleep with Alan Shore, and now she does.

Tara Wilson: And she wants to.

Lori Colson: I do not!

Tara Wilson: You're right. I apologize.

Lori Colson: Do you bear some ill will towards me?

Tara Wilson: No. I suppose I regressed to the childish defense that everybody else is doing it.

Lori Colson: But I'm not doing it, Tara. I'm not sleeping with Mr. Shore, which you very well know.

Tara Wilson: I only said you wanted to. And again, I apologize. My remark was, as you say, completely inappropriate, however accurate.

Sally Heep: Okay.

Denny Crane: You're an extremely beautiful young woman.

Sally Heep: Thanks for the tip.

Denny Crane: That's not the advice. The advice is be on the ware of lecherous senior partners who are looking for the slightest excuse to plant a big wet one on you.

Sally Heep: Excuse me?

Denny Crane: They lurk. And when beautiful women such as yourself stand under the mistletoe...

Alan Shore: We should. I'm afraid it's gonna be a very long night. I'll need to go over every inch of you with a fine-tooth comb. flustered I beg your pardon. Your testimony. I'll need to go over your testimony with the comb.

Denny Crane: Set to go?

Alan Shore: What are you doing?

Denny Crane: Oh, there's an office Christmas party next week. I do a number. It's good for morale. Helps get me laid.

Denny Crane: Ohh. Whistle-blower. comes around the piano to the couch on which Alan Shore is sitting Did you tell her to whistle-blow?

Alan Shore: I might have mentioned it.

Denny Crane: Do you know how much this client is worth to this firm and to me personally?

Alan Shore: Nuts. I knew there was something I forgot to consider.

Tara Wilson: I beg your pardon?

Lori Colson: You tricked another attorney into violating privilege. You can't do that.

Tara Wilson: Last week, you impersonated a doctor.

Lori Colson: Uh! First, that was different. Second, the stakes were life and death.

Tara Wilson: Lori!

Lori Colson: And third, I was wrong. In retrospect, I would never do it again.

Tara Wilson: Well, we have the information, Lori. So if it's a matter of ethics, we absolutely have to tell the client that we have it.

Alan Shore: You say that as if you have a choice, Doctor. You see, the only way our client wins here is with your testimony. So, the clerk will swear you in. You'll take an oath to God, but as a scientist, you are bound to an even higher standard. To believe in God, all you need is faith. To believe in science, you need to see the truth. You need to speak the truth. Am I right? If asked certain questions under oath, you will answer truthfully, because that's who you are.

Dr. Amanda Gerard: You don't know me. And you would never ask me questions that would torpedo your own case.

Alan Shore: Ah. It seems it's you that doesn't know me.

Hussein? You pull a fire alarm?

Denny Crane: We're at odds as to how to proceed with the witness.

Judge Dale Wallace: Yes. I heard that. You're supposed to be adults, for God's sake. You're lawyers. And on the same side at that!

Alan Shore: Your Honor, there are unusual circumstances in play. I'm interested in truth and justice. My colleague favors a fishing lodge.

Martin Jeffries: What happens now?

Denny Crane: What happens now? The peat moss hits the fan, you lying bastard. We're dead.

Paul Lewiston: Did you elicit that testimony intentionally?

Denny Crane: What? Of course not! You know me, Paul. I'm not what I once was.