Finding Nimmo (203)

Season 1
Head Cases
Still Crazy After All These Years
Catch and Release
Change of Course
And Eye for an Eye
Truth Be Told
Questionable Characters
Loose Lips
Greater Good
Hired Guns
Schmidt Happens
From Whence We Came
It Girls and Beyond
Till We Meat Again
Tortured Souls
Let Sales Ring
Death By Not Proud

Season 2
The Black Widow
Finding Nimmo
A Whiff and a Prayer
Men to Boys
Witches of Mass Destruction
Truly Madly, Deeply
Ass Fat Jungle
Legal Deficits
The Cancer Man Can

Tara Wilson: We need to talk Alan.

Alan Shore: No we don't. You've refallen for a former boyfriend. You've decided to go back to him. So be it.

Tara Wilson: I would like to talk about it.

Alan Shore: Why? To put a tidy little bow on it in celebration of the friendship? We're breaking up

Tara. Let's not turn it into a Hallmark moment.

Tara Wilson: At the root of our relationship was a friendship.

Alan Shore: That was perhaps your root. For me it's the little things. Sharing a glass of wine as we do the crossword. Early morning coffee. Listening to books on tape, while I teeth on your left breast. Tara. Sorry. I have little doubt you're doing what's best for you.

Tara Wilson: I decided not to go back to him.

Alan Shore: Then what is it we're not talking about?

Tara Wilson: As much as it, ah, might not be him. I suppose he made me realize that it isn't you either. As much as I love you and I do very much. I need to move on.

Denny Crane: A woman once left me cause the way I grunted during sex reminded her of her potbellied pig.

Alan Shore: You grunt like a pig during sex?

Denny Crane: Huh. And when I fell asleep after? She said I snored like her pig too. You just can't win. Relationships end for all sorts of reasons. The only thing you can do is go fishing. Cancel the rest of your week Al. I'm taking you to Nimmo Bay.

Alan Shore: Don't be ridiculous.

Denny Crane: This is not a meaningful life! Practicing law, drinking scotch at nine o'clock in the morning. Nine o'clock scotch is meaningful, but practicing law, making money, settling petty disputes. Life is in British Columbia in the Great Bear Rainforest. God is out there Alan.

Alan Shore: God likes to fish?

Denny Crane: We need to go to the woods and touch ourselves. Get in touch with ourselves. Man can only truly bond in the woods. Come on Alan. Let's go fishing.

Alan Shore: I'm not a good flyer. Especially helicopters. I don't understand the aerodynamics. And I'm feeling quite inclined to vomit.

Denny Crane: Comin up to it. Look! There! The Night Explorer. There it is! Nimmo Bay.

Alan Shore: They're surrendering! Do they think we're attacking?

Denny Crane: That's how they welcome the guest!

Alan Shore: Denny this may not be the time, but, I hate nature!

Guide: Ten o'clock, Two o'clock. Ten o'clock. Two o'clock.

Alan Shore: Make up your mind. What time is it?

Alan Shore: Should I be concerned that the guide brought a gun?

Denny Crane: Well you never know when a grizzly will wonder around. Relax.

Alan Shore: Who cooks it by the way?

Denny Crane: Its catch and release.

Alan Shore: What do you mean?

Denny Crane: We let em go.

Alan Shore: What do you mean we let em go? We just traveled thirty-five hundred miles! We don't get to eat them?

Denny Crane: I brought you out here to expose you to, to…

Alan Shore: The fish! Which I'm now told we can't eat.

Denny Crane: Once you see one, and hold one in your hand, not that you will because they're almost impossible to catch, but I might look in God's fav…

Alan Shore: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait just a second. Did you say I might not even get one?

Denny Crane: It's called fishing man, not catching!

Alan Shore: No, no, no. You haul me halfway across the world to help me get over my painful breakup with…

Denny Crane: Tara.

Alan Shore: And now you're telling me the fish are uncatchable?

Shirley Schmidt: Can't believe I'm here doing this.

Brad Chase: We have to at least see the scene before calling the police.

Shirley Schmidt: Why do they always put the dead bodies in the basement?

Tara Wilson: So they can still entertain.

Denny Crane: Well. There's nothing down here. It looks like she lied to us.

Tara Wilson: Look!

Brad Chase: Did she say he was in an icebox

Tara Wilson: No.

Brad Chase: Open it.

Tara Wilson: You open it!

Brad Chase: Why me?

Tara Wilson: You're a man. Do the math.

Shirley Schmidt: Oh no. I'm not opening it. I still can't believe I'm even here. I make over a million dollars a year and I'm in basement looking for a dead midget.

Alan Shore: Excuse me. Is it unusual to catch five cohos in one day? I mean…

Peter Barrett:: I'd say you had a bit of luck

Denny Crane: Beginners luck.

Alan Shore: You're not competitive over this sort of thing, are you Denny? Could you pass me the ashtray please? Ahh. Thank you. I'd have reached for it myself but my shoulders are a bit sore from all that reeling. How many did you catch?

Peter Barrett:: I didn't fish.

Alan Shore: Ah! That would put you about even with Denny.

Peter Barrett:: I'm sorry. Are you Denny Crane?

Denny Crane: Yes I am. And I'm not your father.

Peter Barrett:: I'm Peter Barrett. I'm an attorney actually and I'm a big admirer.

Denny Crane: Fine. I'm still not your father.

Peter Barrett: You're a salmon catcher, Mr Crane?

Denny Crane: Catch em in my sleep.

Alan Shore: That must be the only place he catches them.

Denny Crane: I see why Tara dumped you. I'm about to.

Alan Shore: There's no Tara. Don't be deceived. Denny and I are lovers.

Denny Crane: I'm a heterosexual. And I catch salmon like one.

Denny Crane: You one of these environmental lawyers?

Peter Barrett: Is there something wrong with that?

Denny Crane: They're evildoers. Yesterday it's a tree, today's is a salmon, tomorrow it's 'Let's not dig Alaska for oil cause it's too pretty?" Let me tell you something. I came out here to enjoy nature. Don't talk to me about the environment.

Alan Shore: All reality. None of it scripted.

Alan Shore: Oh my God. This book? The Stain Upon the Sea? It's all about these sea lice.

Denny Crane: Interesting.

Alan Shore: They call them cling-ons.

Denny Crane: Did you say Klingons?

Alan Shore: Don't you care?

Denny Crane: What's the worse case scenario? They're extinct in twenty years or so? I'm seventytwo. I'll be extinct in ten. What do I care

Alan Shore: What scares you most in life, Denny?

Denny Crane: I told you. I got the mad cow. And my penis only works on medication.

Alan Shore: Yes. Besides that? Dying?

Denny Crane: I've died many times. Can we talk about something other than sex? What about you? What scares you?

Alan Shore: Being alone I guess. Don't get me wrong. I love solitude. I like it best in relationships. Hmm. It's gonna feel strange not having Tara in my bed. I've always had this feeling and I've never shared it with anybody, but I'm convinced in a past life I was murdered in my sleep.

Denny Crane: You're a wacko.

Alan Shore: I try to be vulnerable here. Could you toss me a bone? Give me something?

Denny Crane: I know what you're doing. And I'm not sleeping with you. Forget about it. Turn off the light. You're not getting my bone.

Alan Shore: Denny?

Denny Crane: Hm?

Alan Shore: I'm really glad we did this.

Denny Crane: Me too.

Denny Crane: What are you doing in my bed!!

Alan Shore: I don't know!!

Denny Crane: What do you mean you don't know?!!

Alan Shore: I… Got scared! I thought I heard a bear outside. And then I couldn't fall back to sleep. Turns out I find pig sounds rather soothing. Plus your snoring is so rhythmic. I just lay down to c… calm myself. I'm sorry.

Denny Crane: We slept together.

Alan Shore: I won't tell. I promise.

Denny Crane: Bite it. It's right in front of your mouth. Eat it! You miserable bastard!

Alan Shore: This one came in quickly. Maybe word got out I don't eat them. I must be up to fifteen by now. Not that I'm counting. Denny certainly isn't.

Brad Chase: You are up on murder charges!

Catherine Piper: He was gonna kill again. The police wouldn't do anything. He had a look in his eye that he might even whack me if I crossed him. Well! I wasn't gonna wait for that. I tried to introduce the little weasel to God. Well, now he can meet him up close. Face to face.

Denny Crane: Can I fish yet?

Guide: You still have a timeout. You just sit there.

Alan Shore: As you said yourself, these fish are positively majestic. Sacred even. And you shot one.

Denny Crane: Sometimes I get incompatible.

Alan Shore: Really? You've upset the guide. I'll tell you this Denny. I see it now how this kind of nature can renew you spiritually. I really see it. I'll tell you something else. In our day jobs we're lawyers and we're good ones.

Denny Crane: What's your point?

Alan Shore: My point is. Given this. Given those salmon. There's a hearing going on in Port McNeal. We need to go be lawyers now.

Alan Shore: My Lord. We've just spent the last two days in your rivers. In your countryside. It is the most spectacular nature I have ever seen. And the fish! They're enough to make one believe in a Higher Power.

Judge Sean O'Byrne: Yes. How many of the Higher Power's creations did you torture?

Alan Shore: Fifteen. Denny didn't catch any. I get your implication Judge, and I acknowledge the hypocrisy of a fisherman pleading for the survival of a species only so that he'll be able to continue dragging them to shore by the lip in perpetuity. But causing a fish discomfiture and cause it to become extinct as two very different things. And when talking about Pacific Salmon! This is a species that goes back to the ice-age. One that is born in a river, migrates up to two thousand miles in the sea, then returns to the very place of birth to spawn. Against enormous miraculous odds, bringing nutrients on it's journey to sustain the bald eagles, the grizzly bears, the wolves, even the Rain Forest's themselves. An entire ecosystem depends on them. If Charlotte the spider were still alive today she'd be writing in her web, "Some fish".

Alan Shore: Being from the United States I have an expertise on the issue.

Judge Sean O'Byrne: Do you?

Alan Shore: Yes! Remember! We're the country that's practically wiped the grizzly bear off our maps. We got rid of bull trout. To see a Florida panther? You have to go a hockey game. We seek to count hatchery salmon as wild so the numbers go up and we can take the actual wild salmon off the endangered species list. Almost a hundred different bird and animal species have gone extinct in the last thirty years. While our national policy remains, "It's not a priority." I know all about economic interests trumping the environment. And truthfully, if we were talking about the Virgin Island screech owl or the Fresno kangaroo, I might not care, but this is the Pacific Salmon! The sea lice are killing them! Once they're gone Judge, my God! They're gone! Oh! Yes. Mindful that abroad people tend expect shock and awe when Yankees arrive on the scene, we shall leave you with two small, but lasting words.

Denny Crane: Denny Crane eh?

Denny Crane: Shirley looked at us kinda funny. D' you think she knows that we slept together?

Alan Shore: She might. We still have that glow. Quite a trip.

Denny Crane: I shot my first steelhead!

Alan Shore: Thank you, Denny. You took my mind off Tara. Took me to a new land. Most of all, took me to a new place.

Denny Crane: What do you mean?

Alan Shore: You've occasioned a cynical, material, urban man to feel passion for fish.

Denny Crane: Hm. I think Canada liked us.

Alan Shore: How could they not?

Denny Crane: I think we make quite a team I can tell you that.

Alan Shore: Yes we do.

Denny Crane: We're good on the road.

Alan Shore: Indeed.