The Cancer Man Can (211)

Season 1 Head Cases Still Crazy After All These Years Catch and Release Change of Course And Eye for an Eye Truth Be Told Questionable Characters Loose Lips Greater Good Hired Guns Schmidt Happens From Whence We Came It Girls and Beyond Till We Meat Again Tortured Souls Let Sales Ring Death Be Not Proud Season 2 The Black Widow Schadenfreude Finding Nimmo A Whiff and a Prayer Men to Boys Witches of Mass Destruction Truly Madly, Deeply Ass Fat Jungle Gone Legal Deficits The Cancer Man Can

Daniel Post: Daniel dying of cancer? Is that the way you describe me? Denise Bauer: Rich guy dying of cancer. Daniel Post: I like her. Denise Bauer: I’m not sure if the jury is going to like me, Mr Post. I have a client who tried to buy his way into a cancer study. Can you tell me what possessed you to do that? Daniel Post: I got cancer. Alan Shore: Jerry you know I have tremendous affection for my own intelligence. And even I think that you are smarter than me. Jerry Espenson: Oh, I am. Denise Bauer: And statically speaking how would it change the likelihood of one person out of the two thousand receiving the drug over the placebo if another person was directed to get the drug? Peter Clark: Not much. Denise Bauer: Because there was no guarantee that any of the volunteers would receive the actual drug, the odds were originally fifty- fifty? Peter Clark: Well the odds would change minimally. Denise Bauer: Instead of fifty-fifty, the odds would change from forty-nine point nine five to fifty point zero five. Peter Clark: Sounds right. Denise Bauer: So virtually no change at all? Peter Clark: Well if you’re dying Ms Bauer, point zero five is everything. Denny Crane: Bev bought me a camera phone. Alan Shore: The woman you enjoyed in the coat room? Denny Crane: We can send each other pictures. This damn thing takes forever to load. Alan Shore: Things going well with Bev then? Denny Crane: She said she wanted to fulfill every single one of my fantasies. I made a list. Had to type it myself. My assistant threatened to quit. Denny Crane: Whoa. Pictures finally loaded. Look at this. Alan Shore: She’s very limber for a woman her age. Denny Crane: Alan. I’d like to be alone with my phone. Just fifteen minutes. Shirley Schmidt: Jerry’s had a few blowups, Alan. Alan Shore: Yes. Shirley Schmidt: One in front of a client. Alan Shore: Yes, it’s on his permanent record back in 2000. Also says he made a couple of clients feel awkward. Would that be perhaps because he’s an awkward guy? Also says he doesn’t play golf. Actually he doesn’t kiss any ass whatsoever, he just does his job. Shirley Schmidt: And no one’s denying that. But partners need to bring in clients. That’s how we make our money. Partners need to attend social dinners and make public speaking engagements and they need to do it without being… Alan Shore: Different. Very dangerous, Shirley. Very dangerous. Paul Lewiston: Denise, are you trying to make the jury hate our client? Daniel Post: If so. You’re doing a good job. I’m starting not to like me either. Denny Crane: Shirley. I’m sorry. Didn’t hear you knock. Shirley Schmidt: Gee! I wonder why that could be. Maybe because you were too busy having sex on your desk? Denny Crane: How did you know? I had the door closed. Shirley Schmidt: Ah. But you neglected to draw all the blinds. Denny Crane: Oversight. We were both facing the same way. Daniel Post: My company sent thousands of pounds of supplies down to New Orleans before FEMA even put its pants on. I fund a charter school for learning disabled kids here in South Boston. I don’t think the government does enough to help its people, so I give as much as much as I can. Do you know why I can do that? Denise Bauer: Because you’re a rich guy who throws his weight around. Daniel Post: Goes hand in hand. Money gives me connections, connections let me do what I want. Get what I want. Denise Bauer: You really don’t care what anybody thinks? Do you? Daniel Post: I have stage four lung cancer. I don’t give a damn what anybody I don’t know, thinks about me. Life’s too short. Really. Alan Shore: You look distressed. Your Guns and Ammo magazine late again? Alan Shore: Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. I have an urge announcement to make regarding National Security. I don’t think our country is being run very well. That concludes the National Security announcement. Now! On to other business. I’m looking at a group of partners in a world class law firm. Each of whom owes some of their success to Jerry Espenson. When any of you is stumped and you need someone with an Encyclopedic knowledge of the law and the creative spark to know how to apply it, who’s door do you knock on? Shirley Schmidt: Mr Shore, we appreciate your input but you are not a partner. Alan Shore: Yes, but that’s only because I can’t be trusted. I have here the confidential report on Jerry Espenson. Known to some of you who should know better as, Hands. Ah, this report while acknowledging, ah, the Jerry, ah, works very hard and has an astute legal mind also makes some veil references to inappropriate behavior. But really this is about money! Isn’t it? And whether Jerry Espenson brings in enough? And don’t we all just love our money? You people must realize that once the rainmakers have brought in the million-dollar accounts, those clients expect excellent representation for their money. And Jerry is a big part of what they’re paying for. My God! Why isn’t being brilliant enough? Why can’t a lawyer be a valuable asset to this firm without being a smiling Ken-doll with an aggressive handshake? Does everyone at the firm have to be this guy? Alan Shore: I said nothing when you fired Sally Heep, who’s only infraction was to sleep with me! I made not a peep when you deftly ushered Lori Colson out of the firm! I even understood when you fired Catherine Piper, a woman I profoundly adore! I swallowed all of it because I know it’s a business. But to abuse a talented, selfless employee only because his social skills lack the polish! To allow him to work tirelessly under the delusion that he could make partner! A delusion you carefully nurtured so as to make piles of money off of him in the short term. That’s a betrayal, Shirley. Not just of Jerry, but of you! And your character! Which up till now I have considered undeniably decent. Shirley Schmidt: Are you finished? Alan Shore: No. Jerry Espenson, no doubt, will go off quietly into the night as the meek often do. But somebody around here has to get angry about it. Otherwise you’ll just go off and blithely do it again. Shirley Schmidt: We have not yet made a decision concerning Jerry Espenson, when we do I will call you first to tell you, "It is none of your concern!" Alan Shore: There’s a saying Shirley, perhaps you’ve heard it. ‘All it takes for evil to succeed is for good people to say, "It’s a business."’ Daniel Post: I’ve been given a death sentence. You’re the one person in this room that knows exactly what that’s like. And there was this drug. And I thought it could help me so I used all my power and my influences to make sure I got it. But I didn’t think it through. I didn’t think there might be consequences for other people. In this case, for you. And I see now that I hurt you. And I am sorry. Denise Bauer: This is the offer. It’s the only one we’re going to make and it expires when we walk out the door. Attorney Samantha Fried: This is a very generous offer. Think about your family. Robert Hopper: I don’t care. Attorney Samantha Fried: This could be very long and drawn out… Robert Hopper: That’s exactly what it should be. Daniel Post: What do you want? Robert Hopper: If I take your money I won’t be hurting you. The only thing that will really hurt you now is if I take your time. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Paul Lewiston: I need to talk to you. Attorney Samantha Fried: You’ll talk to me. Paul Lewiston: No I won’t. You have a wife. You have a family. You owe something to them but you also owe something to yourself. I know this road. Do not allow anger to consume the last days of your life. Alan Shore: You don’t wanna throw away an entire life’s worth of work over one emotional outburst! I don’t wanna see the most gifted legal mind I have ever encountered rotting in a prison cell. Now put down the knife, Jerry. Jerry Espenson: On one condition. You represent me once I’m arrested. Alan Shore: I can’t. That’s a conflict of interest. Jerry Espenson: I don’t care. You know that the firm can waive that conflict. And I know that you’ll honor that waiver because, if nothing else, you’re a man of your word. Shirley Schmidt: Make the deal. Alan Shore: I’ll represent you. Now hand me the knife. Denny Crane: Hmmm. Everyone! This is the cake I want for my birthday.

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