The One With The Monkey (110)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
ROSS: Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet. ALL: Oooh! MONICA: W-wait. What is that? ROSS: 'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi? MONICA: No, no, I don't. RACHEL: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him? ROSS: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab. PHOEBE: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel? CHANDLER: Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass! MONICA: Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment? ROSS: Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so... MONICA: Why don't you just get a roommate? ROSS: Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- ...sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'. PHOEBE: So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman. CHANDLER: Might wanna open with the snowman. RACHEL: Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's? CHANDLER: Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud! RACHEL: Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you. PHOEBE: Yeah, you wish! CHANDLER: It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner. ALL: Yeah, okay. Alright. CHANDLER: Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm. ALL: Woooo! Yeah! PHOEBE: Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year.
RACHEL: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much? ROSS: Just a smidge. PHOEBE: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions... CHANDLER: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact. PHOEBE: No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just? CHANDLER: Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice. MONICA: What?! MONICA: Do you always have to bring him here? ROSS: I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces... CHANDLER: Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you. ROSS: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favor to me. CHANDLER: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie. PHOEBE: Um, were you planning on kissing me ever? DAVID: Uh, that's definitely a, uh, valid question. And, uh, the answer would be yes. Yes I was. But, see, I wanted it to be this phenomenal kiss that happened at this phenomenal moment, because, well, 'cause it's you. PHOEBE: Sure. DAVID: Right. But, see, the longer I waited, the more phenomenal the kiss had to be, and now we've reached a place where it's just gotta be one of those things where I just like... sweep everything off the table and throw you down on it. And, uh, I'm not really a, uh, sweeping sorta fella. PHOEBE: Oh, David, I, I think you are a sweeping sorta fella. I mean, you're a sweeper! ...trapped inside a physicist's body. DAVID: Rrrreally. PHOEBE: Oh, yeah, oh, I'm sure of it. You should just do it, just sweep and throw me. DAVID: ... Now? Now? PHOEBE: Oh yeah, right now. DAVID: Okay, okay, okay. Y'know what, this was just really expensive. And I'll take- this was a gift. PHOEBE: Okay, now you're just kinda tidying. DAVID: Okay, what the hell, what the hell. You want me to actually throw you or you-you wanna just hop? PHOEBE: I can hop. ROSS: So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you? MONICA: I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby. CHANDLER: Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby? MONICA: Yeah. JOEY: You know more than one Fun Bobby? CHANDLER: I happen to know a Fun Bob. PHOEBE: Getting so good at that! DAVID: It was Max's stuff. MONICA: That thing is not coming in here. ROSS: 'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home? MONICA: I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table. ROSS: Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened... SANDY: Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf. JOEY: Wow, that's, uh, dirty. SANDY: Yeah. PHOEBE: You're going to Minsk. DAVID: No, I'm... not going to Minsk. PHOEBE: Oh, you are so going to Minsk. You belong in Minsk. You can't stay here just 'cause of me. DAVID: Yes I can. Because if I go it means I have to break up with you, and I can't break up with you. PHOEBE: Oh yes, yes, yes you can. Just say, um, 'Phoebe, my work is my life and that's what I have to do right now'. And I say 'your work?! Your work?! How can you say that?!'. And then you say, um, 'it's tearing me apart, but I have no choice. Can't you understand that?'. And I say 'No! No! I can't understand that!'. DAVID: Uh, ow. PHOEBE: Ooh, sorry. Um, and, and then you put your arms around me. And then you put your arms around me. And, um, and then you tell me that you love me and you'll never forget me. DAVID: I'll never forget you. PHOEBE: And then you say that it's almost midnight and you have to go because you don't wanna start the new year with me if you can't finish it. I'm gonna miss you. You scientist guy. ROSS: I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back. RACHEL: ...I think that bitch cracked my tooth.
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transcribed by guineapig
52237
