The One With The Fake Monica (121)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
JOEY: How could someone get a hold of your credit card number? MONICA: I have no idea. But look how much they spent! RACHEL: Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to pay for the stuff that you bought. MONICA: I know. It's just such reckless spending. ROSS: I think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution to the wind. CHANDLER: Wow, what a geek. They spent $69.95 on a Wonder Mop. MONICA: That's me. RACHEL: Oh, Monica. You are not still going over that thing. MONICA: This woman's living my life. RACHEL: What? MONICA: She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look. She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores that I'm intimidated by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies. RACHEL: You're not an artist. MONICA: Yeah, well I might be if I had the supplies! I mean, I could do all this stuff. Only I don't. RACHEL: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool things. MONICA: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we. RACHEL: Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'... MONICA: Do I go horseback riding in the park? Do I take classes at the New School? RACHEL: Nooo... MONICA: This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother. CHANDLER: How about Joey... Pepponi? JOEY: No, still too ethnic. My agent thinks I should have a name that's more neutral. CHANDLER: Joey... Switzerland? JOEY: Plus, y'know, I think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this big. Which I'm not. CHANDLER: Joe... Joe... Joe... Stalin? JOEY: Stalin... Stalin... do I know that name? It sounds familiar. CHANDLER: Well, it does not ring a bell with me... JOEY: Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good. CHANDLER: Might wanna try Joseph. JOEY: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that! CHANDLER: Oh yes! Bye Bye Birdie, starring Joseph Stalin. Joseph Stalin is the Fiddler on the Roof. FAKE MONICA: Hi. I'm Monica. MONICA: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm Mo- ...nana. FAKE MONICA: Monana? MONICA: Yeah. It's Dutch. FAKE MONICA: You're kidding! I-I spent three years in Amsterdam. MONICA: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch. JOEY: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks! CHANDLER: I don't get it, I mean, you just got him. How can he be an adult already? ROSS: I know. I know. I mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little thing I can't get off my leg. JOEY: Isn't there any way you can keep him? ROSS: No, no. The vet says unless he's in a place where he has regular access to some... monkey lovin', he's just gonna get vicious. I've just gotta get him into a zoo. JOEY: How do you get a monkey into a zoo? CHANDLER: I know that one! ... No, that's Popes into a Volkswagen. PHOEBE: Hey. We found her, we found the girl. CHANDLER: What? JOEY: Did you call the cops? RACHEL: Nope. We took her to lunch. CHANDLER: Ah. Your own brand of vigilante justice. ROSS: What?! Are you insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer. MONICA: Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all that. I mean, she is this astounding person, with this- with this amazing spirit. ROSS: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader. FAKE MONICA: I - I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society? MONICA: Uh-huh. FAKE MONICA: I thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community theatre. I walked out of there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting back'. And that thought scared me more than all the other crap I was afraid to do. MONICA: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend Mrs. Doubtfire. JOEY: You know there already is a Joseph Stalin? CHANDLER: You're kidding. JOEY: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You'd think you would've known that! CHANDLER: Y'know, you'd think I would've. JOEY: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage name for me would be? PHOEBE: ... Flame Boy. ROSS: Where exactly is your zoo? DR. BALDHARA: Well, it's technically not a zoo per se, it's more of an interactive wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh, Marcel? ROSS: Yes. DR. BALDHARA: Does he, uh, fight with other animals? ROSS: No no, he's, he's very docile. DR. BALDHARA: Even if he were... cornered? ROSS: Well I, I don't know. Why? DR. BALDHARA: Uh, how is he at handling small objects? ROSS: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean... DR. BALDHARA: How about a hammer, or a small blade? ROSS: Why- why- why would he need a blade? DR. BALDHARA: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you've got to give the little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel. RACHEL: Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit card people. MONICA: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks. RACHEL: What? MONICA: They've arrested Monica. MONICA: How are you? FAKE MONICA: I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How - how did you know I was here? MONICA: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you were using. FAKE MONICA: That I was not expecting. MONICA: I want you to know, it wasn't me who turned you in. FAKE MONICA: Oh. Thanks. MONICA: No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden Theatre! FAKE MONICA: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'. MONICA: I just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you? Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big Apple Circus? FAKE MONICA: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus? MONICA: Well, not... worried, just... wondering. PA: This is the final boarding call for flight 67 to San Diego, boarding at gate 42A. PHOEBE: Okay. Goodbye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you this poem. Okay, but don't eat it 'till you get on the 'plane. ROSS: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe. PHOEBE: Oh! CHANDLER: Okay, bye, champ. Now, I know there's gonna be a lot of babes in San Diego, but remember, there's also a lot to learn. JOEY: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey. ROSS: Just, just say what you feel. JOEY: Marcel, I'm hungry. ROSS: That was good. ACTOR: Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand, that I might... touch thy cheek... CASTING DIRECTOR #1: That's fine, thank you. CASTING DIRECTOR #2: Next. JOEY: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio. CASTING DIRECTOR #2: Name? JOEY: Holden McGroin.
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transcribed by guineapig
51982
