The One With Rachel's New Dress (418)

written by Jill Condon & Amy Toomin, Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
ALICE: Phoebe! Phoebe! Hi! Hi!

PHOEBE: Hey! What are you doing here?

ALICE: Umm, actually, I came down to ask you a big favour.

PHOEBE: Oh, well, don't tell me you want to keep more of your stuff in my uterus.

ALICE: No. No. No. Okay, now, see, I wanna name the girl baby Leslie, and Frank wants to name one of the boy babies Frank JR. JR.

CHANDLER: Wouldn't that be Frank the III?

ALICE: Don't get me started. Anyway, umm, since there are three babies and umm, we both got to put our names in, we would be truly honoured if you named the other boy baby.

PHOEBE: Wow! That's so great! Oh! Oh! Cougar.

ALICE: You think about it.

EMILY: I left a bra drying on the shower rod, you don't think your son will think it's yours and be horribly traumatised?

ROSS: Hey, if mommy can have a wife, daddy can have a bra.

EMILY: Ohh, it's time to go.

ROSS: Oh, no-no-no, see, that-that clock's a little fast, uh, we have 17 minutes. Huh, what can we do in 17 minutes? Twice?

CHANDLER: Hey! Do we have a baby name yet?

PHOEBE: Ugh! No! This is so hard! I went through this whole book and found nothing! I want a name that's really like, y'know strong and confident, y'know? Like-like Exxon.

CHANDLER: Well, it certainly worked for that Valdez kid.

JOEY: Ooh-ooh, Pheebs, you want a strong name? How about, The Hulk?

PHOEBE: No, I'm-I'm not sure about Hulk, but I like the idea of a name starting with "The."

JOEY: Oh, want a good name, go with Joey. Joey's your pal. Joey's your buddy. "Where is everybody?" "Well, they're hanging out with Joey."

CHANDLER: Hey, y'know what, if you're gonna do that, if you're gonna name him Joey, you should name him Chandler. Oh, come on! Chandler's funny, sophisticated, and he's very loveable, once you get to know him.

JOEY: Oh well, hey, Joey's loveable too! But the thing about Joey is, if you need him, he'll be there.

CHANDLER: Well, Chandler will be there for you too. I mean, well, he might be a little late, but-but, he'll be there. And he'll bring you some cold soda, if want you need him for is that you're really hot.

JOEY: What do ya say? What do ya say?

PHOEBE: Well, I, I like the idea of naming him after someone I love, and Joey and Chandler are great names. But, all right, I don't-maybe I'll just name him The Hulk.

JOEY: I knew I shouldn't have mentioned it! That's what I wanted to name my kid!

RACHEL: Hey, Mon, if you were hoping to sleep with Joshua the first time tonight, which one of these would you want to be wearing. (She's holding two frilly, lace nighties.)

MONICA: Y'know what? It really creeps me out choosing other people's sex clothes.

RACHEL: Sorry. I'm so exited! I've been waiting for this for months! I got my hair coloured! I got new sheets! I'm making him a very fancy meal.

MONICA: Um-hmm.

RACHEL: What am I making him by the way?

MONICA: Well, you're making him a frieze salad with goat cheese and pine nuts, wild nuts, wild rice, roast asparagus, and salmon au croup.

RACHEL: I thought I was making him filet mignon?

MONICA: Yeah, you were, but you decided to make salmon because you had some left over at the restaurant. And then you realised if you [Rachel] bitched about it, then you [Monica] would stop cooking, and you [Rachel] would have to make your famous baked potato and Diet Coke.

ROSS: Turns out them Emily is just crazy about Susan. Yeah, they're going to the theatre together! They're going to dinner! They're going horseback riding!

PHOEBE: God, Susan is so fun!

ROSS: Look, this is just a little too familiar, okay? For like, for like six months before Carol and I spilt up, all I heard was: "My friend Susan is so smart. My friend Susan is so funny. My friend Susan is so great."

CHANDLER: You actually think that something can happen between Emily and Susan?

ROSS: Hey, they're going to the gym together! Two women! Stretching! Y'know they-they take a steam together! Things get a little playful-didn't you see Personal Best?

JOEY: No, but I'm gonna!

PHOEBE: So, I decided I'm definitely going to go with either Joey or Chandler.

JOEY: Oh! Oh-oh, you gotta pick Joey! I mean, name one famous person named Chandler.

CHANDLER: Raymond Chandler.

JOEY: Someone you didn't make up!

CHANDLER: Okay, there are no famous Joey's. Except for, huh, Joey Buttafucco.

JOEY: Yeah, that guy really hurt us.

PHOEBE: Well, how about a compromise then, okay? What if it's like y'know, Chanoey?

CHANDLER: Okay, look, Joey! Come on, think about it, first of all, he'll never be President. There's never gonna be a President Joey.

JOEY: All right look man, I didn't want to bring this up, but Chandler, is the stupidest name I ever heard in my life! It's not even a name; it's barely even a word. Okay? It's kinda like chandelier, but it's not! All right? It's a stupid, stupid non-name!

CHANDLER: Wow, you're, you're right. I have a horrible, horrible name.

JOEY: I'm sorry man, I didn't-I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.


JOEY: So I guess it's Joey then!

JOEY: Dude, I am sorry about what I said!

CHANDLER: No, no, you're right, it is a ridiculous name!

JOEY: It's not that bad.

CHANDLER: Yes it is! From now on, I have no first name.

JOEY: So, you're just Bing?

CHANDLER: I have no name.

PHOEBE: All right, so, what are we supposed to call you?

CHANDLER: Okay uh, for now, temporarily, you can call me, Clint.

JOEY: No way are you cool enough to pull of Clint.

CHANDLER: Okay, so what name am I cool enough to pull off?

PHOEBE: Umm, Gene.

CHANDLER: It's Clint. It's Clint! (He heads for his bedroom.)

JOEY: See you later, Gene.

PHOEBE: Bye, Gene.

CHANDLER: It's Clint! Clint!

JOEY: What's up with Gene?

MONICA: So, you wore your nightie to dinner?

RACHEL: Oh, yeah. And uh, the best part though, when the uh, waiter spilled water down my back, I jumped up, and my boob popped out.

PHOEBE: Oh my God!

MONICA: Oh, no!

RACHEL: No, it's all right. I got nice boobs.

CHANDLER: Okay. Okay. All right. Help! Am I a Mark, or a John?

JOEY: Nah, you're not tall enough to be a Mark, but you might make a good Barney.

CHANDLER: All right look, am I serious, okay? Tomorrow at 3:30 I am going down to the courthouse.

PHOEBE: You're actually going through with this?

CHANDLER: Hey, look, this name has been holding me back my entire life. Okay, it's probably why kids picked on me in school, and why I never do well with women... So, as of 4 o'clock tomorrow, I'm either gonna be Mark Johnson or John Markson.

PHOEBE: You got problems because of you! Not your name! All right, this has got to stop! Chandler is a great name! In fact-yes, I'm, I'm sorry. I know you really wanted me to name the baby Joey, but eh, so, I'm-I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna name the baby Chandler.

CHANDLER: Really?!

PHOEBE: Yeah, but you have to keep the name too!

CHANDLER: Okay. Thanks.


CHANDLER: You wanna hug it out?




PHOEBE: Yay-oh-yay! Okay, I gotta go tell Frank and Alice! Right now!


PHOEBE: Ooh, uh...

CHANDLER: Bye, Pheebs!

PHOEBE: Okay, bye!


JOEY: Ohh!

transcribed by Eric Aasen