The One With The Dirty Girl (406)

written by Scott Silveri & Shana Goldberg-Meehan

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
CHANDLER: Where did you, when did you, how did you... How did you get a girl like that?

RACHEL: Yeah, so what is she, like a... like a spokesmodel, or an aerobics instructor, what?

ROSS: Actually she's a paleontology doctoral candidate, specializing in the centazoic era.

CHANDLER: Okay, but that's, like, the easiest era.

RACHEL: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.

ROSS: Fine by me; hope she wins.

CHANDLER: Hi. You guys have any wrapping paper?

PHOEBE: Oo! Is it for my birthday present?


CHANDLER: Actually, this is for Kathy's birthday. It's an early edition of her favorite book.

RACHEL: Oh, The Velveteen Rabbit! Oh my God, when the boy's love makes the rabbit real!

CHANDLER: Okay, but don't touch it, because you fingers have destructive oils.

RACHEL: Huh. Well, then you'd better keep it away from Ross's hair. So this is pretty rare. How did you get that?

CHANDLER: Oh, it wasn't a big deal. I just went to a couple of bookstores, talked to a couple of dealers... called a couple of the author's grandchildren.

RACHEL: Oh, honey, that's so sweet.

PHOEBE: Yeah, and what a great way to say, "I secretly love you, roommate's girlfriend!"

CHANDLER: It doesn't say that. Does it?

ROSS: How do you think it's gonna look when you get her something incredibly meaningful and expensive and her boyfriend Joey gives her an orange?

CHANDLER: Okay, all right, I'll just uh, make sure that uh, Joey gets her something really great.

PHOEBE: It's gotta be better than that book. Oo! Like a crossbow!

CHANDLER: Hey Joe! What are you getting Kathy for her birthday?

JOEY: We've only been going out for a couple of weeks, do you think I gotta get her something?


RACHEL: Yes, you have to get her something, and it should be something really nice.

JOEY: Oh, I know...

RACHEL: And not one of your coupons for an hour of "Joey Love."

CHERYL: Here Mitzi! Here Mitzi!

ROSS: Mitzi is.....

CHERYL: My hamster. I hope she's okay, I haven't seen her in a while. Have a seat.

ROSS: Uh... Oh hey, do you, uh... do you have any, um, Cinnamon Fruit Toasties?


ROSS: Well, I do! Why don't we go back to my place, light a couple of candles, break open a box of Cinnamon Fruit Toasties, uh...

CHERYL: I'd rather not.

ROSS: Oh, yeah, why not?

CHERYL: Okay, um, don't take this the wrong way, but your place kinda has a weird smell.

RACHEL: You know what we should all do? Go see a musical.


RACHEL: And you know which one we should see? The 1996 Tony award winner. Do you happen to know the name of that one?

CHANDLER: I don't know... um, Grease?

RACHEL: No....


RACHEL: Yes! Rent!

CHANDLER: Okay, so when do you want to go?

RACHEL: What? Oh, I'm sorry, I can't, I'm busy.

JOEY: Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls.

CHANDLER: Yes, it is, at Office Max.

RACHEL: What did you get her?


JOEY: It's two gifts in one. It's a pen that's also a clock! Huh?

CHANDLER: Huh-huh! You can't give her that.

JOEY: Why not?

CHANDLER: Because she's not eleven! And it's not the seventh night of Hanukkah!

RACHEL: Okay, honey, what he means by that, is ...while this is a very nice gift, maybe it's just not something a boyfriend gives?

JOEY: Sure it is! She needs a pen for work, she's writing, she turns it over... "Whoa! It's time for my date with Joey!"

CHANDLER: All right, look, look. What did... what did you get for Angela Delveccio for her birthday?

JOEY: She didn't have a birthday while we were going out.

CHANDLER: For three years?

JOEY: Look, it's too late, and I got an audition. I can't shop anymore! I...

CHANDLER: All right. I will go out and I will try to find something for her, okay?

JOEY: Thanks, man. And oh, while you're at it, could you get her a card?

CHANDLER: Would you like me to write her a little poem as well?

JOEY: Or... just get a card that has a poem already in it.

JOEY: So, you just left? Her place was really that bad?

ROSS: You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day?

JOEY: Yeah.

ROSS: Well, like that, only instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time, and garbage is all that has survived!

JOEY: So, uh, what happened?

ROSS: What do you mean? Nothing happened! I had to get out of there.

JOEY: All right, so... next time, you take her to your place.

ROSS: No, I tried that. She says it has a weird smell.

JOEY: What kind of smell?

ROSS: I don't know. Soap?

RACHEL: All right, look. Why don't you just return the book, let Joey give her the clock pen, and you give her something worse than that. Like... a regular pen.

JOEY: Hey! I'm meeting Kathy in ten minutes! I've been looking all over for you!


JOEY: Our place, the hall! I...

CHANDLER: I got something for her. It's a book!

JOEY: A book? Is it like a book that's also a safe?

CHANDLER: No, it's a book that's just a book, okay? It's an early edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. It was her favorite book as a kid. So, uh, just... let me know if she likes it, okay?

JOEY: You got it. Thanks man. Thanks for doing this, I owe you one. Oh, hey! There wasn't any change from that twenty, was there?

CHANDLER: No, it came out to an even twenty.

JOEY: Wow. That's almost as much as a new book.

CHERYL: Wait! No! No! It's my hamster! It's Mitzi!

ROSS: Oh my god! I'm so sorry, Cheryl. I must have freaked out.

CHERYL: Oh, thank god, it's not Mitzi. It's just a rat.

KATHY: Um, thank you for the gift.

CHANDLER: Oh, uh, yeah... I just knew that sometimes when you're writing, you... you don't always know the exact time.

KATHY: No, I... I didn't mean the pen. Thank you for the book.

CHANDLER: Uh, the book?

KATHY: The Velveteen Rabbit. I kinda have the feeling you had something to do with it.

CHANDLER: What do you mean?

KATHY: Well, uh, when Joey gave it to me, he said, "This is 'cause I know ya like Rabbits, and I know ya like cheese."

transcribed by Maree Hilton