The One With The Dollhouse (320)

written by Wil Calhoun

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
CHANDLER: Wait a minute, wait. You're telling me this actress person is the only woman you ever wanted who didn't want you back?!

JOEY: Yeah! Oh my God! Is this what it's like to be you?

RACHEL: Thanks for lunch, Chandler. Y'know, you didn't have to walk me all the way back up here.

CHANDLER: Oh, that's-that's okay, no problem.

RACHEL: Honey um, honey, you do realise that we don't keep the women's lingerie here in the office?

CHANDLER: Yes, I realise that.

RACHEL: Summer catalogue!

CHANDLER: That's the stuff!

PHOEBE: Oh! Ooh! Oh Monica! It's so beautiful.

MONICA: I know!!!

PHOEBE: So, I'm here, ready to play.


PHOEBE: I brought a bunch of stuff for the house, so check it out. Ha-ha.

MONICA: What's this?

PHOEBE: That's a dog, every house should have a dog.

MONICA: Not one that can pee on the roof.

PHOEBE: Well, maybe it's so big because the house was built on radioactive waste.

CHANDLER: And is this [tissue] in case the house sneezes?

PHOEBE: No, no, that's the ghost for the attic.

MONICA: I don't want a ghost.

PHOEBE: Well, nobody wants a ghost. But you've got one, because the house is sitting on an ancient Indian burial ground.

ROSS: Wait a minute, the house was built on radioactive waste, and an ancient Indian burial ground? That would never happen.

PHOEBE: Okay, obviously you don't know much about the U.S. government.

PHOEBE: Okay, dinosaur attack!!! Quick, everybody into the house!!! Ahh-ahh! Roof! Rrroof-roof-roof!

MONICA: Okay, Phoebe, y'know what? That-that's it, that's it, all right? No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs, okay? They're not the right size, they're not Victorian, and they just don't go.

PHOEBE: Okay, fine. Come dinosaur, we're not welcome in the house of no imagination.

ROSS: Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the subject. I just have to say dinosaurs, they-they don't go, rrroof!

PHOEBE: The little ones do.

PHOEBE: Look everybody, look at my new dollhouse!!!

RACHEL: Wow!!!

PHOEBE: Look, look!

ROSS: Hey, what's this?!

PHOEBE: Oh, okay, it's the slide instead of stairs. Watch this.

MONICA: It's very interesting, Phoebe.

RACHEL: What's this?

PHOEBE: The Licorice Room, you can eat all the furniture. And, when guests come over, they can stay on the tootsie roll-away bed.

ROSS: This is the coolest house ever!!!

JOEY: That guy's like a cartoon. What do you see in him anyway?

KATE: He happens to be brilliant. Which is more than I can say for that sweater you're dating.

JOEY: Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater! It's what's underneath her sweater that counts.

CHANDLER: I'm telling ya, Joanna's got it all wrong. Okay? All I said was, 'This was fun. Let's do it again sometime. I'll give you a call.'

RACHEL: Ohh, gee. I wonder why she thinks you're going to call her?

CHANDLER: That's what you say at the end of a date.

RACHEL: You can't just say, 'Nice to meet you, good night?'

CHANDLER: To her face? Look it's the end of the date, I'm standing there, I know all she's waiting for is for me to say 'I'll call her' and it's just y'know, comes out. I can't help it, it's a compulsion.

MONICA: Come on Rach, when a guy says he's going to call, it doesn't mean he's going to call. Hasn't it ever happened to you?

RACHEL: Well, they always called.

MONICA: Hmm, bite me.

JOANNA: Did he call?

RACHEL: No. Sorry.

JOANNA: Why?! Why?! He said he'd call. Why hasn't he called?Sophie: Maybe he's intimated by really smart, strong, successful women.

JOANNA: Sophie, would you please climb out of my butt.

JOEY: So I ah, talked to Lauren, kinda told her how things were with us. Did you ah, did you talk to Marshall?

KATE: About what?

JOEY: Y'know, about what happened with us.

KATE: Nooo. And there's really no reason he should find out, so ah let's not make a big deal about it, okay?

JOEY: What are you talking about? It was a big deal. I mean, come on you can't tell me last night didn't mean something to you. I-I was there, you're not that good an actress.

KATE: Look umm, I, I was, I was just caught up in the moment. That's all it was. Joey, I'm-I'm sorry you feel bad, but haven't you ever sleep with a women where it meant more to her than it did to you?

JOEY: Nooo.

LAUREN: Hi, Kate!

KATE: Hi, Lauren.

JOEY: Hi, Lauren.

LAUREN: Hi, pig!


MONICA: I tried to reach you at work. There's... been a fire.

PHOEBE: What?! Oh my... Oh my God!!! What happened?!

ROSS: Well, we believe it originated here. In the Aroma Room.

PHOEBE: All right. Did everyone get out okay?

MONICA: Well, the giraffe's okay. And so is the pirate.

PHOEBE: Ohh. What is this?

ROSS: No Phoebe, don't look! You don't want to see what's under there!!

PHOEBE: Ohh, the-the Foster puppets!

JOANNA: Well, thanks again for lunch.

CHANDLER: Yes, this, this was pleasant.

JOANNA: It was, wasn't it?

CHANDLER: The food there was, was great.

JOANNA: Wasn't it?

CHANDLER: So take care.

JOANNA: You too.

CHANDLER: Well, this was great. I'll give you a call. We should do it again sometime.

RACHEL: Chandler!!! Are you gonna call her!


RACHEL: Chandler!!!

CHANDLER: Look, I'm sorry. Okay? I'm weak, and pathetic, and sorry.

RACHEL: Okay, you are going to tell her and you're going to tell her now.

CHANDLER: Ahhhh--I'm not going to call you.


CHANDLER: I'm sorry. I'm-I'm-I'm sorry that I said I was going to when I'm not. Look, this has nothing to do with you, y'know? And this isn't Rachel's fault. It's me. I have serious, serious problems when it comes to women. I have issues with commitment, intimacy, mascara goop. And I'm really sorry, it's just that this is not, this isn't going to work out.

JOANNA: Well, this isn't how I was hoping how this would end, but I guess I have to appreciate your honesty.

CHANDLER: Yeah, o-okay.


CHANDLER: Well this is great! I'll give you a call! We should do it again sometime!

JOEY: Well, so anyway Beth, what I'm saying is I should've considered your feelings before I went home with you that night. I've ah, I've recently learned what's it like to be on your side of it, and I'm sorry. So, do you think you can forgive me? Great. Thanks. Okay, bye. Hello, Jennifer? Oh hi, Mrs. Loreo, is Jennifer there? Oh, she's not home huh? Well ah, actually I kinda need to talk to you too.

transcribed by Eric B Aasen