The One With All The Jealousy (312)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
CHANDLER: All right, I suppose I can wait a day. Hey, what are you doing Friday? ROSS: Why? CHANDLER: I need you to come to this bachelor party for my weird cousin Albert, y'know he's the botanist. ROSS: Oh God. Y'know, botanists are such geeks. CHANDLER: Yeah. Is that a dinosaur tie? ROSS: Hmm? Oh, yeah. CHANDLER: Hey, so can you make it on Friday? ROSS: What? Oh yeah, yeah I think so. Why am I invited to this again? CHANDLER: Well apparently Albert has no friends. He's very excited about the bachelor party though. I think actually the only reason he's getting married is so he can see a stripper. PHOEBE: A stripper at a bachelor party, that is so cliché. Why don't you get a magician?! CHANDLER: Well, if the magician can open my beer with his butt cheeks, then all right. ROSS: She's having lunch with him. She's having lunch with him. And you should of seen the hug she gave him when she got the job. And, and, and, he's really good looking. What am I gonna do? CHANDLER: Don't do anything. Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your feelings! Don't cry outloud. JOEY: Yes! Guess who's in an audition for a Broadway musical? CHANDLER: I want to say you but, that seems like such an easy answer. JOEY: It is me! It's a musical version of Tale of Two Cities. So I think I'm gonna sing New York, New York, and ah, oh I left My Heart in San Francisco. ROSS: Ah Joey, I don't think you get to pick the cities. JOEY: What? ROSS: Mr. Dickens gets to pick 'em. JOEY: Who? CHANDLER: I'll get you the Cliff Notes. JOEY: The what? CHANDLER: The abridgment. JOEY: Oh, okay. The what? MARK: ...and the style number, and the invoice number, and the shipping date. Good. Any questions so far? RACHEL: Yeah. What kind of discount do we get? MARK: Twenty percent. RACHEL: Oh!! I love this job! RACHEL: Hi honey! ROSS: Hi! What's ah, what's Mark doing answering your phone? RACHEL: Oh, he's just goofing around. ROSS: Ohhhhh yeah, that's, that's funny. Why ah, why isn't he goofing around in his own office? RACHEL: Oh honey, this is his office too. I told you we're Joanna's two assistants. ROSS: Why does Joanna need two assistants, how, how lazy is she? RACHEL: Oh! Oh my God! What did I just do? ROSS: What? RACHEL: I think I just shipped 3,000 bras to personnel. Oh honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you! DIRECTOR: Listen Joey, we definitely want to see you for the callback on Saturday. JOEY: Excellent, I'll be there. DIRECTOR: Okay, and listen don't forget to bring your jazz shoes for the dance audition. JOEY: Ahhh! My ah, my agent said it wasn't a dancing part. DIRECTOR: Joey, all the roles got to dance a little. But believe me with your dance background it'll be a piece of cake. CHANDLER: ....three years of modern dance with Twila Tharp! Five years with the American Ballet Theater?! JOEY: Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay. I wasn't one of the Zoom Kids either. PHOEBE: Well, can you dance at all? JOEY: Yeah, I can dance, y'know. CHANDLER: Oh no, no, no, no. PHOEBE: What, what is that? JOEY: Sure, it looks stupid now, there's no music playing. CHANDLER: All right, I have to get that, but no-no. Hello? Hi! Yeah listen, I'm, I'm in need of a stripper and I was told that you do that. Let me ask you this, what, what do you do for the extra hundred? So would I, would I have to provide the grapes? CHANDLER: Okay, we have our stripper. A Miss Crystal Chandelier. JOEY: Well sure, you name a kid that, what do you expect them to grow up to be? MAN: Ah, excuse me, are you Rachel Green? RACHEL: Yes. MAN: One, two, three... QUARTET: Congratulations on your first week at your brand new job! It won't be long before you're the boss. THE BASS BARBER: Omm-pah, omm-pah, omm-pah. QUARTET: And you know who will be there to support... you?! Your one and only boyfriend... THE BASS BARBER: It's nice to have a boyfriend. QUARTET: Your loyal loving boyfriend Ross..... Ross! ROSS: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt! RACHEL: All right Ross!! I get it!! ROSS: I mean my God... RACHEL: You're hurt! ROSS: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's office anymorrrrre!!! RACHEL: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all around my desk! ROSS: I would never do that! RACHEL: Look, I know what's going on here, okay, Mark explained it all to me. He said this is what you guys do. ROSS: Yeah well if, if, if Mark said that, than Mark's an idiot. JOEY: Mark's a genius! ROSS: Why?! How?! How is he a genius? CHANDLER: Look, don't you see what's happening here. Instead of hitting on her right away, he's becoming her confidant. Now he's gonna be the guy she goes too to complain about you. ROSS: What am I going to do? CHANDLER: Well, why don't you send her a musical bug, op, no you already did that. All right look, you're going to have to go there yourself now, okay, make a few surprise visits. ROSS: I don't know you guys. CHANDLER: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us, meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe Sensitive, and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because he understands me.' JOEY: And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all, 'Ohh, man!' And he'll be all, 'Yes!' And us, we'll be like, 'Wh-whoa, dude.' And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) 'Harddd,' and, and, and, 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there.' And we'll be like, 'Man get over it, it's been four years!!' CHANDLER: He paints quite a picture doesn't he? DIRECTOR: Ah Joey. Joey Tribbiani. Listen Joey, I got a problem, I just got a call from my dance captain, he's having a relationship crisis and can't get out of Long Island. JOEY: So, does that mean the audition is off? DIRECTOR: Listen Joey, seeing as you've got the most experience, I want you to take these dancers and show them the combination. JOEY: What?! DIRECTOR: Aw come on Joey, it's easy. Y'know, it's hand, hand, head, head, up, out a beret, out a beret, big turn here, grand dechant, desont, desont, slide back, step, step, step, and jazz hands! JOEY: It's ah, step-ity, step and jazz hands. DIRECTOR: Have fun. JOEY: Bye. DIRECTOR: All right, let's do it! DIRECTOR: No, no, no. What was that? JOEY: I know, it was the best I could get out of them. DIRECTOR: Well, people! JOEY: People, people, people. DIRECTOR: Let's try it again, and this time let's watch everybody watch Joey. Show 'em how it's done. ROSS: I'm sorry, I was an idiot. RACHEL: A big idiot. ROSS: A big idiot. Just you have to realize is, this whole Mark thing is kinda hard for me. RACHEL: Honey, why is it hard, I mean we've been together for almost a year now? ROSS: Well, I was with Carol for like eight years and I lost her. And now if it's possible I think I love you even more. So, it's hard for me to believe that I'm not gonna, well that someone else is not going to take you away. GUNTHER: Let it be me! Let it be me! RACHEL: Where ya going? ROSS: Oh, I've got to go pick up Ben, we've got a play date this afternoon. RACHEL: Ohh, with who? ROSS: Oh, just this woman that I met last night at the party. RACHEL: There was a woman at the... The stripper?! ROSS: Yeah. RACHEL: You have a play date with a stripper?! CHANDLER: Man, I gotta get a kid. ROSS: Ah, yeah, yeah. Umm, we started talking after she y'know, did her thing. And it turns out she's got a boy about Ben's age, so we're taking them to a gym-boree class. Why, is that okay? RACHEL: Sure, is she married? ROSS: Ahh, no. RACHEL: Oh. ROSS: Are you jealous? RACHEL: Noo, I y'know I don't see why she has to play with you, that's all. I mean doesn't she have any y'know other stripper moms friends of her own? MAN: Is there a Julio here? JULIO: I am Julio. MAN: Mister Pretentious, you think there's no one finer, well but your poems are unpublished, and you work in a diner. QUARTET: You're no God's gift to women, that's all in your headdddd. You are just a buttmunch. BASS SINGER: No one likes a buttmunch. QUARTET: And you're also bad in bedd-edd-edd!.
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transcribed by Eric B Aasen
52194
