The One With All The Poker (118)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
ROSS: Rach, did you proofread these? RACHEL: Uh... yeah, why? ROSS: Uh, nothing, I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills. RACHEL: Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think it's on all of them? JOEY: Oh no, I'm sure the Xerox machine caught a few. CHANDLER: You know, I can't believe you. Linda is so great! Why won't you go out with her again? ROSS: I don't know. CHANDLER: Is this still about her whole 'The Flintstones could've really happened' thing? ROSS: No, it's not just that. It's just--I want someone who... who does something for me, y'know? Who gets my heart pounding, who... who makes me, uh... CHANDLER: ...little playthings with yarn? ROSS: What? CHANDLER: Could you want her more? ROSS: Who? CHANDLER: Dee, the sarcastic sister from What's Happening. ROSS: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just... Hiiii! RACHEL: Hi! How are you? ROSS: We're fine, we're fine. RACHEL: OK. RACHEL: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us? PHOEBE: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like it's poker, so only guys can play? ROSS: No, women are welcome to play. PHOEBE: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of... you know, like, like... some kind of, y'know, like... alright, what is it? CHANDLER: There just don't happen to be any women in our games. JOEY: Yeah, we just don't happen to know any women that know how to play poker. GIRLS: Oh, yeah, right. MONICA: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse! RACHEL: Really. MONICA: I mean, that's a typical guy response. ROSS: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play? GIRLS: No. RACHEL: But you could teach us. GUYS: No. CHANDLER: OK, so now we draw cards. MONICA: So I wouldn't need any, right? Cause I have a straight. RACHEL: Oh, good for you! PHOEBE: Congratulations! CHANDLER: OK Phoebs, how many do you want? PHOEBE: OK, I just need two... the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs. ROSS: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You can't--you can't do-- RACHEL: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! ROSS: No, no. Uh... no, see, uh, you-you can't do that. RACHEL: Oh, no no no no no no, that's OK, I don't need them. I'm going for fours. ROSS: Oh, you're... MONICA: Alright, here we go. We've got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites. PHOE, RACHEL: OOooooo! JOEY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, what're you doin'? This is a poker game. You can't serve food with more than one syllable. It's gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz - MONICA: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Let's play for real. High stakes... big bucks... ROSS: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy... PHOEBE: Oh I see, so then, you were lying. JOEY: About what? PHOEBE: About how good your cards were. JOEY: Heh... I was bluffing. PHOEBE: A-ha! And... what is bluffing? Is it not another word for... lying? RACHEL: So basically, you get your ya-yas by taking money from all of your friends. ROSS: ...Yeah. CHANDLER: Yes, and I get my ya-yas from Ikea. You have to put them together yourself, but they cost a little less. ROSS: Look, Rachel, this is poker. I play to win, alright? In order for me to win, other people have to lose. So if you're gonna play poker with me, don't expect me to be a 'nice guy,' OK? Cause once those cards are dealt... JOEY: ...Yeah? ROSS: I'm not a nice guy. RACHEL: Can you believe what a jerk Ross was being? MONICA: Yeah, I know. He can get really competitive. PHOEBE: Ha. Ha, ha. MONICA: What? PHOEBE: Oh, hello, kettle? This is Monica. You're black. MONICA: Please! I am not as bad as Ross. RACHEL: Oh, I beg to differ. The Pictionary incident? MONICA: That was not an incident! I - I was gesturing, a-and the plate slipped out of my hand. MONICA: OK, look. That is Aunt Iris. This woman has been playing poker since she was five. You gotta listen to every word she says. Hi! IRIS: Is Tony Randall dead? RACHEL: No. MONICA: I don't think so. RACHEL: Why? IRIS: Well, he may be now, because I think I hit him with my car. MONICA: What? RACHEL: Oh my God! MONICA: Really? IRIS: No! That's bluffing. Lesson number one. Let me tell you something... everything you hear at a poker game is pure crap. Nice earrings. PHOEBE: Thank y - ROSS: So, Phoebs owes $7.50, Monica, you owe $10, and Rachel, you owe fifteen big ones. JOEY: But hey, thanks for teachin' us Cross-Eyed Mary. You guys, we gotta play that at our regular game. PHOEBE: Alright, here's my $7.50. But I think you should know that this money is cursed. JOEY: What? PHOEBE: Oh, I cursed it. So now bad things will happen to he who spends it. CHANDLER: That's alright, I'll take it. Bad things happen to me anyway. This way I can break 'em up with a movie. ROSS: Well, that just leaves the big Green poker machine, who owes fifteen... RACHEL: Mmm-hmmm. Oh, so typical. Ooo, I'm a man. Ooo, I have a penis. Ooo, I have to win money to exert my power over women. MONICA: You know what? This is not over. We will play you again, and we will win, and you will lose, and you will beg, and we will laugh, and we will take every last dime you have, and you will hate yourselves forever. RACHEL: Hmm. Kinda stepped on my point there, Mon. ROSS: Alright. Your money's mine, Green. RACHEL: Your fly is open, Geller. PHOEBE: You guys, you know what I just realized? 'Joker' is 'poker' with a 'J.' Coincidence? CHANDLER: Hey, that's... that's 'joincidence' with a 'C'! RACHEL: Uh, I will see you... and I'll raise you. What do you say... want to waste another buck? ROSS: No, not this time. So... what'd you have? RACHEL: I'm not telling. ROSS: Come on, show them to me. RACHEL: No..! ROSS: Show them to me! RACHEL: Get your hands out of there! No! ROSS: Let me see! Show them! CHANDLER: Y'know, I've had dates like this. RACHEL: What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it? ROSS: I'm in. RACHEL: How many you want? ROSS: One. RACHEL: Dealer takes two. What do you bet? ROSS: I bet two dollars. RACHEL: OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty. ROSS: I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five. RACHEL: See your twenty-five...and...uh, Monica, get my purse. MONICA: Rachel, there's nothing in it. RACHEL: OK, then get me your purse. ROSS: OK, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got? RACHEL: Full house. ROSS: You got me. JOEY: Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat. CHANDLER: I thought we had them! ROSS: Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know. But, uh... look how happy she is.
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transcribed by Dan Silverstein
51764
