The One With The Ick Factor (122)

written by Alexa Junge

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
RACHEL: All right, all right, all right. Last night, I had a dream that, uh, you and I, were...

PHOEBE: Doing it on this table.


JOEY: Excellent dream score.

ROSS: Why, why, why would you dream that?

CHANDLER: More importantly, was I any good?

RACHEL: Well, you were pretty damnedy good.

CHANDLER: Interesting, cause in my dreams, I'm always surprisingly inadequate.

RACHEL: Well, last night you seemed to know your way around the table.

ROSS: I love it, when we share.

CHANDLER: You're okay there?

ROSS: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream.

CHANDLER: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and I was somebody else's subconscious.

ROSS: Phoebs, why would you want to operate a drill press?

PHOEBE: Just for some short-term-work. You know, until I get back some of my massage clients.

CHANDLER: Pirates again?

PHOEBE: No, nothing like that. I was just... such a dummy. I taught this "massage-yourself-at-home-workshop". And they are.

RACHEL: What are you playing with?

ROSS: Oh, it's my new beeper.

JOEY: What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for?

MONICA: Is it like for dinosaur emergencies. 'Help, come quick, they're still extinct.'

ROSS: No, it's for when Carol goes into labor. She can get me wherever I am. I mean, all she has to do is to dial 55-JIMBO.

CHANDLER: A cool phone number, and a possible name for the kid.

MONICA: All right, I'll see you guys later.

RACHEL: Off to see young Ethan?

MONICA: Thank you.

JOEY: How young is young Ethan? Young?

MONICA: He's... our age.

CHANDLER: When we were?

MONICA: Okay, he's a senior in college.

ROSS: College?

JOEY: Whoa!

CHANDLER: And this man child has no problem with how old you are?

MONICA: No, of course not. It's not even an issue. Cause I told him I was 22.

ALL: What?

MONICA: Oh, I can't pass for 22?

PHOEBE: Well, maybe 25-26.

MONICA: I am 26.

PHOEBE: There you go.

CHANDLER: Can you hear that?


CHANDLER: See That'll stop when you pick up the phone.

PHOEBE: Oh. Uh, I'm on. Mr. Bing's office. No I'm sorry, he's in a meeting right now.

CHANDLER: I'm not in a meeting. I'm right... Whoops.

PHOEBE: Will he know what this is in reference to? And he has your number? All right, I'll see that he gets the message. Bye bye.


PHOEBE: Ross says hi.


PHOEBE: This is so fun. All right, what do we do now?

MONICA: Windows are clean, candles are lit. Uh, belt's to tight, gotta change the belt. Did I turn the fish? No, cause I made lasagna. Am I out of control?

RACHEL: Just a touch.

ROSS: Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh this is it. Oh my god it's baby time. Baby time.

JOEY: All right, relax, relax. Just relax, just relax. Be cool, be cool.

ROSS: Yeah, hi, I was just beeped. No, André is not here. Third time today. Yes, I'm sure... No, sir. I don't perform those kind of services.

JOEY: Services? Oh, services.

ROSS: Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO. Yeah, that's right. That's right, JUMBO with a U, sir. No, believe me, you don't want me. Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment. All rightie, bye bye.

JOEY: Hey, hey. How was the first day?

PHOEBE: Oh, excellent. Everyone was so, so nice.

CHANDLER: See, it pays to know the man who wears my shoes. Me.

PHOEBE: No, I didn't tell anybody that I knew you.

CHANDLER: Why not?

PHOEBE: Oh, because, you know... they don't like you.


PHOEBE: I thought you knew that.

CHANDLER: No ho. Why doesn't they like me?

PHOEBE: Everyone. Except for uh... no everyone.

CHANDLER: What are you talking about?

PHOEBE: Don't feel bad. You know they used to like you a lot. But then you got promoted, and, you know, now you're like "Mr. Boss Man". You know, Mr. Bing. Mr. Bing, "Boss Man Bing".

MONICA: Listen, uh, you told me something that was really difficult for you. And I, I-I figured if you could be honest, then I can to.

ETHAN: Oh god, don't tell me, I did it wrong.

MONICA: No no. Nothing wrong about that.


MONICA: Um, okay, here it goes. I'm not 22. I'm, I'm 25... and thirteen months.


MONICA: But I figured, you know, that shouldn't change anything. I mean, what the hell does it matter how old we are.

ETHAN: Uh, listen um, as long as we're telling stuff, uh, I have another one for you. I'm a little younger than I said.

MONICA: You're not a senior?

ETHAN: Oh, I'm a senior... in High School.

MONICA: Ok...ay.

ROSS: Okay, André should be there in like 45 minutes. All rightie, bye bye. Just easier that way.

ROSS: Are you not seeing him anymore?

MONICA: No. You know, sometimes just things doesn't work out.

CHANDLER: And this has nothing to do with the fact that he needs a note to get out of gym.

RACHEL: I, I didn't say any... I sw... I did not say anything, I swear.

JOEY: Listen, the next time you talk to him, can you ask him which one the strongest "Power Ranger" is?

RACHEL: Where are you going?

PHOEBE: Um, oh, I've got a birthday party, with some work people.

CHANDLER: Work people? Nobody told me.

PHOEBE: No, I know. That's a part of the whole, you know, them-not-liking-you-extravagance.

CHANDLER: You know, I don't get this. A month ago, these people were my friends. You know, just because I'm in charge doesn't mean I'm a different person.

PHOEBE: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.

CHANDLER: You think I should?

PHOEBE: I really do, yeah.




PHOEBE: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek that invited the boss.

CHANDLER: I Think last night was great. You know, the Karaoke thing. Tracy and I doing "Ebony and Ivory".

PHOEBE: You were great. But they still made fun of you.


PHOEBE: You know, now you're more like, you know like, "Mr. Caring Boss", "Mr.", you know, "I'm one of you, Boss", "Mr., I wanna be your buddy, Boss Man Bing"

CHANDLER: Then, I don't get it.

PHOEBE: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them, that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.

CHANDLER: They do?

PHOEBE: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.

CHANDLER: I just want to--

PHOEBE: No, but you can't.

CHANDLER: But I just wa--



MONICA: That was gonna be my opener.

RACHEL: Hey, did you guys check out those new hand dryers in the bathroom?

ROSS: I thought that was just a rumor.

RACHEL: True story.

JOEY: They're here already?

ROSS: Are you're hands still wet?

JOEY: Uh, moist, yeah.

RACHEL: Let's dry 'em again.

transcribed by Mikael Hedberg