The One With The Jellyfish (401)

written by Wil Calhoun

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
PHOEBE SR.: Remember how I told you how Lily, Frank, and I we were, we were close. Well, we were, we were very close.

PHOEBE: How close?

PHOEBE SR.: Well, the-the three of us we were, kind of umm, a couple.

PHOEBE: I don't even know how that would work!

PHOEBE SR.: Well, we were -

PHOEBE: I'm not asking!

PHOEBE SR.: Well, any how, some how I got pregnant, and, and I was scared. I was stupid and sellfish, and I was 18 years old. I mean, you remember what it's like to be eighteen years old?

PHOEBE: Yeah. Let's see, my had Mom killed herself, and my Dad had run off, and I was living in a Gremlin with a guy named Cindy who talked to his hand.

CHANDLER: All right, there's a nuclear holocaust, I'm the last man on Earth. Would you go out with me?

MONICA: Ennnh.

CHANDLER: I've got canned goods.

JOEY: Hey, you guys! Take a look at this! Check this baby out, dug me a hole!

CHANDLER: Excellent hole, Joe.

MONICA: Oh damn the jellyfish. Damn all the jellyfish!

CHANDLER: We've got to do something!

JOEY: Well, there's really only one thing you can do.

MONICA: What?! What is it?!

JOEY: You're gonna have to pee on it.

MONICA: What?! Gross!

JOEY: Don't blame me, I saw it on The Discovery Channel.

RACHEL: How was the beach?

MONICA: Nothing, I don't know.

ROSS: What happened?

MONICA: Nothing. I'm gonna take a shower.


JOEY: Me too.

ROSS: She wants me to take responsibility for everything that went wrong in our relationship. I mean she goes on for five pages about, about how I was unfaithful to her! Well... WE WERE ON A BREAK!!!

CHANDLER: Oh my God! If you say that one more time, I'm gonna break up with you!

ROSS: Fine! Fine! But this break-up was not all my fault, and she, she says here, "If you accept full responsibility...", Full responsibility! "...I can begin to trust you again. Does that seem like something you can do." Does it?!


CHANDLER: Look, Ross, you have what you want, you're back with Rachel. If you bring this up now you're gonna wreck the best thing that even happened to you.

ROSS: Yeah, I know. I mean, no, you're right. Yeah I guess I'll let it go. But you-you understand how-how hard it is to forget about this.

JOEY: Sure, it's hard to forget! But that doesn't mean you have to talk about it! A lot of things happened on that trip that we should never, ever talk about.

ROSS: What the hell happened on that beach?!

JOEY: It's between us and the sea, Ross!

PHOEBE: Hi, Ursula.


PHOEBE: Okay, well umm, I know that we haven't talked in a long time, but umm okay, our Mom is not our birth Mom. This-this other lady is our birth Mom.

URSULA: Right, okay, the one that lives in Montuak, umm-hmm.

PHOEBE: You know her?!

URSULA: No, I umm, I read about her in Mom's suicide note.

PHOEBE: There-there was a suicide note?! Well, do you still have it?

URSULA: Hang on.

PHOEBE: I can't believe you didn't tell me there was a suicide note!

URSULA: Yeah. So how have you been doing?

PHOEBE: I, umm, shut up!

PHOEBE: "Good-bye Phoebe and Ursula. I'll miss you. P.S. Your Mom lives in Montauk." You just wrote this!

URSULA: Well, it's pretty much the gist. Well, except for the poem. You read the poem, right?

PHOEBE: Noooo!!

URSULA: All right, hang on!

ROSS: Wait a minute! I saw that! On The Discovery Channel, yeah! About jellyfish and how if you... Ewwww!!! You peed on yourself?!

PHOEBE and RACHEL: Ewwww!!!

MONICA: You can't say that! You-you don't know! I mean I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain! Anyway I-I tried, but I-I couldn't...bend that way. So...

PHOEBE, ROSS, and RACHEL: Ewwww!!!

JOEY: That's right I stepped up! She's my friend and she needed help! And if I had too, I'd pee on anyone of you! Only, uhh, I couldn't. I got the stage fright. I wanted to help, but there was too much pressure. So-so I uh, I turned to Chandler.

CHANDLER: Joey kept screaming at me, Do it now! Do it!! Do it! Do it now!! Sometimes late at night I can still here the screaming.

JOEY: That's 'cause sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.


CHANDLER: We were playing Gin? Y'know if we were a couple, we could play this game naked.

MONICA: Will you stop!

CHANDLER: Okay. All right.

MONICA: Okay, all right, I think you're great, I think you're sweet, and you're smart, and I love you. But you will always be the guy who peed on me.

transcribed by Eric Aasen